Halfway Through Phase 1!

I'm halfway through my medically supervised liquid diet. I've now finished 8 weeks.

For the 1st time in 5 years, I got on the scale and the number meant that I was below the BMI considering me morbidly obese. 

That's right, now I'm just obese! 

I've stayed on my plan this whole time, I haven't cheated, not even tastes, even though the desire is still there. And it may always be there. 

I've spent years eating what I've wanted (always feeling guilty about it though) and it's not going to go away any time soon. It may take years of focusing on my new habits. 

They say it takes 21 days to start a new habit. I call BS on that. I think it takes longer. I've been tracking my new habits in my bullet journal (bujo) starting from January about doing chores around my house. And if I'm not careful, I've noticed that despite 4 months now, I will still slip back into my old habits. I have to catch myself. Sticking to writing & tracking things in my bullet journal is a habit onto itself. I gave up in February/March last year and the years before that, I wasn't very consistent. So far this year, I have been but I catch myself not picking it up or tracking things every so often. 

A book they gave us on this program called Living Smart, calls this "drifting". We find ourselves drifting off our new habits and go back to our old ways. The authors suggest catching yourself within 3 days of drifting and bringing yourself back on your plan. They also suggest monitoring the heck of you progress and kudos to my bullet journal because it helps me do just that. 

Another thing I'm learning is that I don't know all that I thought I did.

For example: last night in class, we talked about cardio and heart rates. I remember learning about it in school and I have a heart rate monitor, my FitBit. When I've been walking, it tells me that I'm in fat burning mode, so I thought I was meeting my target heart rate. 

Turns out, I wasn't. There's a whole other level called cardio. So I used the formula, and figured out my target range (226 for females, minus age, divide by 3 & then multiply by 2) I seriously just thought I just didn't sweat that much when I work out. Today, I tried the elliptical machine and watched my heart rate hit that target range. Turns out, I do sweat. And I don't have to go as long as walking because I was working harder. 

And for the life of me, I do NOT know why I didn't know that. I think it was arrogance. I think I must have tuned out or skimmed that stuff because I thought I knew it already.

Which begs the question: what else don't I know about healthy stuff?

I'm also trying to figure out food plans. I don't want to do a specific diet especially because I actually don't like the diet that I am on. A high protein soy diet doesn't make me feel great. Yes, I'm losing weight but I'm only eating 1,120 - 1,280 calories a day. My body is dropping weight because of the difference between calories out and in. 

I don't think this is the plan my body will thrive on. I'm not going to quit or anything, I'm just not loving it. I'm glad I only have 8 more weeks on it.

I'm looking into food plans that make me feel great. Something I can sustain, not something you are supposed to do for a phase (like high protein diets). I'm thinking low calorie balanced meals, some plant based but not all the time. I'm also thinking it's time I start cooking actual meals...or rather when I get to eat regular food again. 

I'm starting to think about how I want my lifestyle to be after my program ends. I noticed foods from my travels and how I felt after I'd eat them: the food in Iceland was all organic and I noticed a big difference in my health after a week eating organic food, I loved the bread in Paris but never went overboard, plus it was so fresh that it didn't have crazy preservatives in it, I loved the savory tastes from Hungary, and the pistachio gelato in Rome. I'm a meat and potatoes kind of gal, but it can be leaner meat. And I have no clue yet what the food in Portugal, Spain, & Morocco will be like. 

What I would love to do is to take things that I loved about the food from my travels and apply them to my new healthier style of eating. 

We shall see where this all takes me.....I predict Pintrest.  

I Just Want to Stuff My Face

Dakota a few months old

I'm on Week 8 and still haven't cheated on my medically supervised liquid diet. I'm at the halfway point. I've lost 25 pounds so far and I'm wearing a smaller size now.

Staying on this program is hard, especially when you are an emotional eater. 

Today, my dog, Dakota, one of my favorite creatures on the planet, was diagnosed with hip dysplasia and arthritis. It's by no means a death sentence but I'm now dealing with the fact that my dog, my copilot, is nearing the end of his cycle. He's not really my "grumpy old man dog" and is more my .... well, I don't have cute nickname for this phase yet. 

Being confronted with the idea of my dog's mortality (and keep in mind that I am a childless spinster, so my pets ARE my babies) has really bummed me out.

And I just want to eat some food that I love and comfort myself.

Getting brushed out

A part of me is saying, "Hey - you got bad news today, you need a little pick me up. You deserve this. No one would blame you."

And maybe you wouldn't. Maybe me getting Taco Bell right now would be totally justified to you. And I thank you.

But the thing is, when my emotional eating was out of control, I ALWAYS felt justified in improving my mood with food. Had a bad day? Try a little McDonald's for a pick me up! Had a good day? Celebrate with McDonald's!

I always told myself that I deserved comfort food.

And then I'd feel guilty for eating it. Or honestly, most of the time, I didn't. I just picked a new date to start my diet and never notice that I was eating fast food pretty much every day. 

He's so beautiful!

My new emotion to feed was being tired. I was too tired to cook dinner which turned into I was too tired to even heat up a diet dinner. 

Tired is not even a real emotion!

So here I sit with some really bad emotions....but kinda not really. Dakota is not suffering, he also hurt is leg chasing the cat this morning. So yes, he's struggling but he's okay. We started him on pain meds and started injections. So it's hard to see him limping but I'm not making any quality of life decisions.

So yes, I'm bummed out. But jumping on here to type up my feelings instead of feeding them feels like a healthier option to me. Dakota is lying down on the porch right now, one of his favorite pastimes, otherwise, I'd be snuggling him right now. 

I see now that there's always going to be a reason to break my food plan. And when I go back to eating regular food again, there will be things that come up that upset me. I'm trying to learn how to handle those moments. 

He loves shredding boxes

I don't need to feed my face. But I also want to allow moments to enjoy certain foods. What I really want is balance. So my question is: how do I balance those moments when I want comfort food with maintaining a healthy lifestyle? 

Do I always say no like I am doing today? Eat some mac & cheese but not the whole container? Eat some ice cream and then go for a walk? Tell myself it's not on my food plan but I if still want some later make it part of the plan?

What do healthy people do? (Notice I didn't put a shape or size on that question because I'm learning that your size does not equate healthy or unhealthy. I was one of the healthiest morbidly obese people I've ever met and I've met plenty of unhealthy skinny people.)

I'm still learning and still staying true to my food plan.

Yay me, I guess.

He's King of the Mountain!!