The Universe Has Spoken.....

People have often asked me what led to my moving to Alaska for 3 years. There's an explination that I normally give but the truth is a little more in depth. Yes, the economy and possibly losing my job was part of that but there's a bigger picture, maybe even a simpler answer: something wasn't working for me, so I had to change it. (In this case, the Californian economy and my personal life.)

Selfie in Akiak, AK

See, if something isn't working in my life, I can't just ignore it or wallow in it. I have to try to change it (okay, this does not apply to my weight, that is a code I can't crack just yet). I am not one to sit around and let things continue to be difficult. I have to reflect on what isn't working and is there something that I can do to change it.

Sometimes, the change has to be big, like it's time to move on, or the change might be something more subtle. When I first moved to Alaska, village life wasn't working for me. I didn't want to quit but I knew I had to make some changes, so I made a list of everything that was bothering me. Then next to that list, I brainstormed some things that I could do to help make it better. A simple thing was that I was frustrated that I wasn't getting my mail. So, I decided to make it a priority to leave work earlier to make sure I was able to get my mail. Then what happened was that once the postal worker got to know you and other teachers, other people could pick up your mail and bring it to you. So, not only was I able to change that one aspect but it also fixed itself in the long run. 

As a teacher, I reflect and make changes all the time. Sometimes, it's in the moment. Like my kids are looking at me blankly, so I need to change my wording, or give another example. Sometimes, it takes more planning and brainstorming. 

If there is something that I can do to improve a situation, then I want to find the solution and implement it. 

hint....

It's harder when the problem is bigger than you or that there seems to be nothing that I can do to change anything. I hate feeling helpless. Or when the solution involves me confronting someone that I don't trust. 

And last week, some of those bigger problems hit me head on. Oh, they've been there...growing....festering...until they exploded and brought me down. I was feeling completely overwhelmed and that things were getting out of control. 

Ironically, other issues I have been working on were improving. In many ways, things overall were getting better. But there are some toxic elements in my life right now that I just can't get under control. 

Fortunately, one of my coworkers saw me out of sorts and came to check in on me. Instead of pretending that I was fine, I decided to be honest. No, I was not fine. And I told her what I was feeling. 

Sometimes, we all need help. We can't function in isolation. It helps to have someone looking at a bigger picture when you are just focusing on the details. I felt ten times better and thought things were looking up.

Until the next day, when a misunderstanding about a parent complaint left me feeling crushed. Turns out, it wasn't even a complaint and I wasn't even the teacher it was directed at in the first place.  

But the damage was done. 

Ka'anapali Beach 2010

I texted a friend/coworker that something had happened and she came to check in on me. She helped talk me off the ledge of my career, so to speak, and calmed me down. But I had told her, "I just want to take some time off and sit on a beach for a couple of days. Maybe I should just, like, go to Hawaii."

I had reached out to my friends and feeling like I just need to weather the storm but I would be okay.

Then the day after that changed things for me.

On the third day of darkness, my credit card company (I have the Alaskan Airlines card) emailed me to let me know that I had earned a free ticket to Hawaii. 

I mean, it was just a ticket TO Hawaii, I'd have to get my own ticket back, and hotel, and rent a car and everything....

But as my friend said, "You just said yesterday that you should just go to Hawaii! Normally, I'd say save your money but not this time. You HAVE to go!"

So, to make a long story short (haha), I'm going to Maui for Spring Break!

I'm going to Hawaii!!

My sister-in-law is coming with me. I'm not renting a car because I am literally going to do nothing but sit on a beach for two days straight. (I have travel days, don't worry.) I'm not going to check out the sights. 

I've been to Maui before. I'm staying at a great hotel, in a great location (walking distance to stores & restaurants, etc) and for a good price. I'm going to rent a cabana and take naps on the beach, maybe reread a favorite book, and connect with the Earth. 

The universe is really listening. This is one of those times.

Red Light District in Paris

It may surprise some of you to know this, but it takes a lot to shock me. Especially around the more adult topic of relationships....and the physical side of that.

I'm pretty open minded and if it's not my thing, and everyone is consenting and of age, good on ya. 

There was one museum in Reyjakvik, Iceland dedicated to the male organ and has over 200 specimens from different land and sea mammals. If you are interested, click here for more information.  

I was not interested in going there. I don't like medical stuff and that was just too much for me. So, that's my ewwww level...parts in jars.

But other than that, I seem to be pretty open minded. When I found out that my hotel in Paris (July 2006 trip) was in the red light district, down the street from the Moulin Rouge, I was so excited! 



How iconic!

I was also down the street from Le Chat Noir (that famous cat poster) and the Museum of Eroticism. 

First of all, it's the former red light district...it wasn't even all that seedy anymore, not since Starbucks bought out the adult video store. I mean, there were a couple of risque storefronts but aside from the iconic landmarks, it was pretty tame. There's even a graveyard right next to the hotel I was staying at. 

But it was such a fun neighborhood! 

My tour guide, Pascal, made a joke about the Erotic Museum and some people were like, "We should go!" tee hee.

Now, I hadn't been to any museums in Paris, so instead of going to see classic art, I thought it'd be funny if the only museum I went to was the adult museum. 

So I went by myself. 

It was 7 stories laid out by time. They had some really old carvings from the bronze age, paintings from every century, porn movies from the silent era playing, and pictures from the invention of the camera to modern times. They also had different machines from like hundreds of years old to modern as well. 

I was allowed to take pictures but I only had my phone and I didn't want my little niece or my mother scrolling through my phone and seeing something traumatizing. 

I went level to level, trying to maintain a dignified scholarly air because I'm above such childish behavior as jaw drops, snorts, and shouts of "WHAT!?!" 

I tried to be friendly to the other patrons but there was a strict sense of DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT that everyone seemed to adhere to. 

Which was a shame because the experience was so different than I expected and I would have loved to share what I was seeing. 

That museum made it so clear that as soon as some people could carve, draw, paint, or take pictures....they had one thing on their mind. And it was all connected...the human spirit...the need for connections and passion....I was looking at things older than Paris itself and it could have been carved yesterday. There was some kink but really it was mostly just your normal acts of passion.

There was no shame in any of the displays and maybe that what was different as well. It was "this is what we do behind closed doors." This is what we cover up. This has been going on for thousands of years and as long as the human race keeps going, so will this. 

It was like 7 levels of the endurance of the human spirit...

I don't know what I expected walking in but I walked out thinking it was such a cool experience. It was almost like a spiritual experience feeling so connected to people from the past. 

Since researching the museum for this post, I have found out that the Musee de l'Erotisme has closed it's doors last year due to lack of attendees. Tourism was down to the recent terrorist attacks in Paris and the museum never recovered. They cited it as a lack of desire... 

I guess I'll just have to go the Louvre like everyone else this time.

Ruark Retreat ~ Mariposa

Dakota wearing my brother's hat

One thing I've learned in my adventures, especially when I was living in Alaska, that you can plan on doing something, and mother nature will have other plans. 

I wanted to go away on a snow trip with my dog. Dakota is a snow dog and he loves the snow. So, I mentioned this to my sister-in-law and the idea took off. We found a place, changed locations, found a new place (on AirBnb), and then kind of forgot about our trip. Since it was a three bedroom house, we invited my baby brother and his girlfriend, making it a sibling trip, with my dog. Since I don't spend a lot of time with my baby brother, I was looking forward to all of us being together. 

About a week before the date of the trip, I had a massive realization, it hasn't been snowing. The East Coast was getting slammed with massive storms, but here in Northern California, it hadn't been raining much, much less snowing in higher elevations. 

So my snow trip was not going to happen.

But we choose to still go. My sister-in-law was going to do all the cooking and we were going to bring board games and just all chill together. My niece, who is one of my favorite people on the planet, was going to be there and they were going to bring their dog since their dog sitter fell through. 

He has no legs!

We all arrived and our weekend began. My brother read aloud "A Die Hard Christmas", we all wrote up our personal lists of our Top Ten Villains of All Time. It was raining and so we stayed in the next day, took naps, then they played an epic game of Monopoly for six hours while I read for a bit, watched "What We Do In The Shadows" and then "Spiderman: Homecoming". 

Sunday morning was a bit stressful, since my brother's dog Rue had to be rushed to the vet because her face started swelling and they weren't sure why. Turns out, she was having an allergic reaction to something up there and ended up being just fine, but they had to leave early and my niece stayed with me and my brother and his girlfriend and I finished cleaning up the house and drove home. 

While it was an amazing bonding experience and getaway for my siblings and myself, I debated even writing about this because it wasn't a huge adventure BUT there was an element that will change my adventures in the future.

And that would be Dakota.

It became painfully obvious to me that Dakota does not like traveling. He was anxious and needy the entire weekend (not eating or sleeping much) and kept going to the door not because he wanted to go outside but because he wanted to go home. 

I knew he did that when I take him over to my mother's house and even sometimes my brother's house but I didn't realize he'll be okay for a couple of hours and then he wants to go back home.  I thought it was funny and cute until I put it together that he's very much a homebody and doesn't like long trips away and certainly not overnight trips. 

So this changes how I travel with him. When I leave for a weekend conference, I normally drop him off somewhere but I think I'm going to just hire someone to check on him and let him out, feed him, etc. I'm no longer going to worry about him for a short trip. 

Dakota all snuggled at home

I'm still going to have him stay with someone for my big trips because that's just too long to be by himself with just a kitty for companionship. 

But for me, I have to ask myself: do I even want to take him with me in the future? 

If I ever take out my teardrop trailer....maybe. 

A road trip, yes, he's coming with me....for safety and it's not the same thing as staying put. I think he does okay if we are moving and changing locations. 

But if we do a weekend like this again, no.....I don't think he'd like it and I think he'd prefer to stay home.

Thoughts? I'd love to hear your insights about this.