On This Last Day of 2010....

Believe me when I say that coming home can be quite an adventure in itself!! Yes, I'm posting from my mother's house in Benicia. And if you are interested in hearing about my journey back to California...then you are going to have to wait some more.

Every year, I like to think about my "resolutions". I put those in quote because I don't make them. I normally think about what I leave in that year. This is my reverse resolutions and say what I'm not going to do anymore. For example, every year I would say I leave smoking behind, only to not quit. In fact, the year that I did actually quit, I hadn't really planned on it. I just wanted to see how long I could go without smoking. Turns out, quite a while. Good to know.

Anyways, this last year was such a whirlwind of change. This time last year, my biggest plans were that I was going to take a trip to Hawaii. That was a huge goal of mine. I could look up my goals, but they are still packed away so too bad for me. The point is, if someone had told me that within a year I would be teaching in a Yup'ik Eskimo village in the middle of the Alaskan Bush, I wouldn't have believed you. I didn't think I had it in me. So there's no way I can say what I'm going to do this year....because honestly, I have no idea what's next. I am planning on staying in the village next year, but it's not up to me.

I'll be honest with you....I've been flying by the seat of my pants since March when I got pink slipped. My decision to go to Anchorage for a job fair was made on a whim. My preparation was well thought out and throughly conducted but every thing else was just a lark. It's almost as if life had grabbed me and taken me along for the ride. All I had to do was say, "Why not?"

It's been incredibly freeing to just let go instead of talking myself out of things like I had done the last decade. Professionally, I was in heaven. Everything was going great. I love teaching and every year I feel I am becoming a better teacher. My hope is to become a great teacher (which I think will take another five years at least). But personally, I was not being true to myself.

I want my life with a little bit of danger thrown in. I want to take the path through the woods instead of the big road. I want to stand outside watching a lunar eclipse on the winter solstice in -2 degrees. I want to notice that there are hundreds more stars behind the constellation Orion. I want to make something work in my life that wasn't working before.

Moving to Alaska was a crazy move. I'll admit it, it's not for everyone. You have to be a little crazy to do it. Like bridge jumping....or sky diving....you just let go. With the proper equipment and preplanning of course.

The Akiak Redemption

This week hasn't been as exciting as most weeks. I was sick on Monday...with the stomach flu. I had a lot of meetings and had a lesson plan party with my roommate and my friend the 3rd grade teacher. I have made some really good friends up here and he's one of them.

Everyday has been below zero temperature wise. I have been layering up or getting rides to work, so it hasn't really bothered me. Yesterday, it was -5 but the windchill factor was -25. When the wind hit my face, damn, it was cold! Please pardon my swearing, but you get hit in the face with a 25 degrees below zero wind and see if you don't swear. It's really that cold. My skin reacted like a sunburn (the little part that was showing)....that starts to peel right away. It was kind of invigorating at the same time. I felt alive in that wind. Like my body had woken up or something. It was interesting. I was glad to get indoors just the same.

In 12 days, I will be heading to California for the holidays. I have some mixed reactions. I'm so excited to see my family & friends again, but I'm leaving my cats, and my Akiak family. My students are not happy I'm leaving. I think they are used to teachers not coming back after winter break. I have been reassuring them and pointing out that my cats are staying and I think that makes them feel better. When I came back on Tuesday after being sick, one of my boys told me that he had missed me. I was deeply touched because this boy is the same boy who hurt his eye and wanted me to stay with him. He had always acted indifferent to me, but here he was telling me he missed me. I have loved all my students but here my life seems to revolve around them and I find they mean so much to me. If I am offered a contract next year, I would like to continue to teach here next year. So I am happy to see my family & friends but I know I will also be happy to come back to Akiak in January.

So, a documentary crew had come out in the summer to document the new teachers in the village next to me. I am supposed to interviewed at some point, but who knows if anything will come from it. Anyways, I bring this up because I saw the first part of the documentary. And while I was watching it, I was transported back to my trip in the summer. It did a really good job of showing the reality of coming here. The natural beauty, the culture, the alcohol abuse, the violence, and the poverty. I mean, I can look back and read what I wrote during that time and the documentary completely reflects the same thing.

Only, things have changed. I am no longer an outsider looking in. I'm not saying I've been ingrained in the society here...but in many ways, I have. I'm better known. People know who I am without me having to introduce myself. Women talk about their lives around me, which didn't happen before. I'm friendly with the people here, but I don't have a friend other than teachers yet. The change has been the kids. They have become so much a part of me that I no longer see the "bad"....it's there, and I know it is...but when I look around, I see the beauty...not just in the earth around me, but in the people too. Instead of Yup'ik Eskimos, I see all of us as people, living our lives and surviving what life hands us. My kids are kids....the culture's different, true....but so what?

I watched The Shawshank Redemption the other day (one of my favorite movies) and I found myself relating my life now to that movie. At first I realized that my room is a little bigger than a prison cell....and the other then I related to was when Red is talking about time. When I'm not teaching or working, I have a lot of time on my hands. Especially, when the weather is so bad. I stay indoors and have to find ways to spend my time. I watch movies, I read...I brought stuff to crochet but I haven't been in the mood for that. I bought some stuff to start embroidering and hopefully I'll like that.

My brain took off comparing the movie to my life....and it took me in a different direction. I saw the triumph of the human spirit. Not with me....but with the people. Many people/kids are Andy Dufrane to my Red. Abuse, crawling through sewers and coming out clean, innocents paying for crimes that aren't theirs (figuratively)....it's all here. And sometimes I see my students as free spirits I'm trying to keep caged in a square room when they really want to fly.

Call me a dreamer or overly immaginative....but I really can see it.

So I leave you now with this:

Sunrise: 10:49 a.m.
Sunset: 4:29 p.m.

And some of my favorite quotes from the movie The Shawshank Redemption (seriously, if you've never seen it, watch it.)

Red:
* I have no idea to this day what those two Italian ladies were singing about. Truth is, I don't wanna know. Some things are better left unsaid. I'd like to think they were singing about something so beautiful it can't be expressed in words, and it makes your heart ache because of it. I tell you those voices soared, higher and farther than anybody in a grey place dares to dream. It was like some beautiful bird flapped into our drab little cage and made these walls dissolve away, and for the briefest of moments, every last man in Shawshank felt free.

* Sometimes it makes me sad, though, Andy being gone. I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright and when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice, but still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend.

* I find I'm so excited I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it is the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend, and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope.

Winter Wonderland and Another Puppy

Just when I think Alaska can't get anymore beautiful....something like Monday happens. It's a freezing fog...which to mean sounds weird but the effect is gorgeous! The trees were frosted white. Everywhere you looked was white. And in the dark when the light hit the snow, it would sparkle like hundreds of diamonds glittering everywhere.

There's no paintbrush quite like Mother Nature's.

I went out to take pictures. It was -1 degrees but I found my new coat quite warm...(I took that picture)

I went out again at dusk to try to capture the sparkling snow. But my camera started freezing up and the pics all came out blurry. Which is disappointing since there are events that I wanted to capture that happen in freezing weather....like the dog race on the river (Akiak Dash).

I went in after a bit because...well, it was freakin' cold.

An hour later (-2 degrees) there's pounding at my door.

Two girls had found a chihuahua mix puppy starving and freezing in the snow. Could I take the puppy & find it's owners?

She was a tiny little thing.....and very sweet.

My roommate fell in love with the puppy. I liked her but she didn't feel like my dog. It may sound weird but I just felt that she wasn't meant for me. Now, I had no problem with my roommate keeping her, if that's what she wanted. I would help out but I personally wasn't ready to train up a puppy by myself while working full time and keeping two cats.

The next two days brought some decisions. Not only did both us realize how much work a puppy was, we also found that the puppy had owners.

So yesterday, I went to give the puppy back. And that's when I found out that some people here dump their dogs out in the snow hoping some teacher (or other kind hearted person) will take them in. I showed the puppy around and everyone said who the owner's were. I stood on their porch for 10 to 15 minutes knocking on the door. I could hear the people inside and I could hear them talking about me on their porch. I could only think "If you think I'm going to walk away, you are crazy." Finally, one of the kids came home and they had to open the door. When they did they told me that the puppy wasn't theirs.

I wanted to believe them, but the puppy tried going into their mudroom where this other dog was. The dog seemed to know the puppy too. Plus, later I heard that the puppy was seen being chased away from the same direction as the house.

In truth, an unwanted puppy is pretty much destined to die. Most puppies get shot. Which is actually the less crueler option. A puppy left on her own will most likely die.

So, what happened to the puppy in my arms? Well, I chased down another lead...which led to nowhere....I was asked if I was sure it was a girl puppy. To which I responded, "Well, all the parts are in the right place."

During the course of my chasing down the 2nd lead, I had stopped by my friend/co-worker Mr. O. You might remember Mr. O is the very same person who took Captain...the first puppy I found. Well, my second lead had to be via cell phone & I didn't have the number. I visited and had dinner while the puppy played with the other dogs (they have since rescued another puppy too...which gives them a total of 3 dogs). By the time I found out that my 2nd lead had gone dry and put it together that she did belong to the first house, Mr. O's family was totally charmed by this puppy. They agreed to take her for the night while we figured out our next move.

So her status: looking for owner/new home

They've named her Nala. And asked me not to bring over any more puppies.

And I am officially hanging up my puppy rescuing hat.....I can't save them all here.....there's too many left to die or will end up getting shot. And there's no shelter I can put them. I don't know if I will be strong enough to turn away a puppy I find on my own, but I can tell the next set of girls to check another house. (I've already got 3 houses picked out. shhhhhh.....)

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On another note: I've gotten my first Alaskan blizzard warning. I'm kinda nervous but excited at the same time. I've never been in a blizzard before!!! I hope I don't have to walk to work in one though....I imagine that would suck.