2017 ~ The Reflection

As it's the last night of 2017, I'd thought it'd be fitting to reflect on my adventures this year. If you meet me in person, and you me what I've been up to, my first response is, "Nothing much. I'm pretty boring."

Yeah, have I mentioned that I'm a total introvert and mostly socialize with different online communities?

Sleeping Beauty's Castle, Disneyland

Because really, 2017 had some good adventures. Here's a look back at this year:

*Disneyland ~ I spent my 40th birthday with my family in Disneyland. I wasn't expecting my family to join me but we were all heading down to LA for a family thing, so it just worked out that way. I was thrilled to enter my 40s walking through Sleeping Beauty's castle (one of my favorite places on the planet) with one of my favorite people on the planet (my niece) at my side. Ah-maze-ing.

*Snow day at Donner Lake ~ my brother, his wife, my niece, and my giant snow dog and I took my CRV up to spend the day in the snow. We walked around, took pictures, threw snowballs, Dakota took a snow bath, and had a picnic in my car. As we left, it started snowing...which turned into a storm that left one of my friends stranded right by where we were. We, however, beat the storm and had arrived safely at home by that time. 

Dakota giving himself a snow bath

*Field Trips ~ I went on two overnight field trips this year. I went to Fort Ross, California for an overnight trip with another 4th grade class. I had just decided to change grades and thought it would be a good idea to check it out. It was because I'm not going back again. But I also went to Coloma, Ca (which you can read about here) and that was a good trip. It was a 2 night trip but totally worth it.  

*Conferences ~ I went to one incredible conference and one that I didn't need to attend. The one that I didn't need to go to was about cochlear implants at Stanford University. It was a good conference but not for a 4th grade teacher. The conference was designed for parents who are just starting the journey of getting implants and what to expect in the coming years. Most of the children are under the age of 4 and it just didn't work for me. And even the sessions lead by the doctors didn't teach me anything. One doctor said, "Well, everyone here knows this part, so for the sake of time, let's move on." And I was the only person in the room who had no clue what he was talking about.

Halls of Stanford University

The other conference I attended was incredible and truly deserves it's own post because this conference took place at Columbia University in New York City. It was not only a great conference that I got so much out of but it was also an incredible adventure in the city with my sister-in-law. 

*New grade level ~ Changing what grade level I teach (kindergarten to 4th grade) has been a huge adventure. New curriculum, new classroom, new age group, and new teaching hours for me. I'm liking it a lot, it's not easy but I'm finding that I'm loving a lot about it. K was hard to teach. I had to teach how to be a student and then the foundation of reading, writing, and math. Now, we dive into deeper levels with all that stuff. The math was a little tricky but I think it's going okay. 

Alice in Wonderland statue in Central Park, NYC

*Books, books, and more books ~ This year, I read a ton of books! Okay, yes I'm introverted but I still do things. I spend time with my family, I walk my dog, I even went to the gym in 2017 (more than once!) but one thing I did was I stopped watching TV. I caught up on all my shows over the summer. I made a point to watch Game of Thrones and Last Week Tonight but other than that, I'll watch Youtube videos for a bit and then I read. And I read more than one book at a time (they have to be different genres so I can keep them straight) and BAM! I read over 100 books. Goodreads says I read 111 books but I DNFed (did not finish) 7 books and reread 3 books....so really, I read 107 books this year. I count audiobooks, children's chapter books, and graphic novels as books I've read because I just do. When I was working out, I was listening to an audiobook. Any road trips? I've got an audiobook. I even read with my students during our library time (that's when I read the chapter books) so my students will see me reading and I can keep up with the new level books that my students read. 

Some things to look forward to in 2018:

I've got my trip to Europe which I have blogged about in great detail here and here. I'm hoping for another Disneyland trip but I haven't planned one out. I'll be going to Coloma again at the end of 2018. I'd like to take my teardrop trailer out this year but I discovered that I don't like camping so maybe I'll just sell it. I dunno. 

I plan on continuing on my weight loss journey although my focus will be on getting in shape to handle all the walking I will be doing this summer. I do need to lose weight for 2019 because I'm going on a desert camel ride in Morocco and that would be cruel to the camel. 

I'm setting my reading goal at 100 books. I don't know if I'll make that but I can try.

I'm leaving the negative from 2017 behind and taking with me the good. Just as it should be. 

Happy New Year!

A Book Too Close To Home

I started writing a very personal entry and realized, I don't want to put out my personal secrets for everybody just yet. But I did want to write them down.

I don't do well journaling. I tend to focus on what's bothering me and then I feel that I am dwelling on it. It's when I stop journaling that I start to actually move on and feel better. 

But I miss writing. I tried a YouTube channel but I don't like feeling like I have to be made up to get my thoughts out to the world. I'd rather sit on my laptop, make up free with my hair up in a messy bun and you be none the wiser.

So here I am. Back to blogging.

I'm reading a book that is making me uncomfortable because I can relate to it so deeply. And not for good reasons. 

It's Carrie Fisher's The Princess Diarist. And without diving into what part I can relate to....let me just say that reading her diary entries when she was 19 years old, filming Star Wars and obsessing about her older costar Harrison Ford (whom she was having an affair with) is hitting a little too close to home. 

As much as I would love to say that I too had an affair with Harrison Ford, no, that's not it. But when I was 19, I too was obsessed with my older man and the feelings she expresses in the diary, are ones I could have written as well. 

I don't imagine that I am alone though. I don't think any of us were our best at 19, almost 20 years old. Love was bigger, exaggerated almost. Those throes of first love are what shape many of us, for good or bad.

But what may not be true for everyone, is how undeserving some of us feel at the time. 

One entry just killed me: "He'll end up someday having only one thing in common with you and that'll be a shared sense of contempt and disgust for you."

Now, I don't remember hating myself to that extent, but in my relationship, I felt the need to prove myself worthy of him. Sadly, I chose a man who could never be pleased and from there my story varies greatly from Carrie Fisher's. 

The need to please. The fear of failing. The fear of him leaving because you aren't enough.

I hate the phrase, "daddy issues" but we were both abandoned by our fathers at a young age, Carrie Fisher and I. I think she saw her father more than I saw mine. But it's a little off putting to see a women with a similar start in life have the same sort of issues with a man 15 years later. 

I really do hate that phrase. I never thought that I had "daddy issues" but I do. Although, that phrase makes it sound cute. I have abandonment issues. Let's be clear here. Those issues run deep.

My guy may have been not so great, but I don't think Harrison Ford was a bad guy. I think he probably had no idea what was going on in her head. She admits to playing it off like it wasn't a big deal at the time. And she makes it clear that he didn't know how inexperienced she was with men. I wonder if he'll ever read her book. 

I've had a boyfriend obsess about me and I don't think I ever want to read his diary at the time of our relationship. (if he wrote one)

I'll most likely finish the book tonight. And I'll never look at Han & Leia the same way again.

But I don't think that's a bad thing.

2015 Reading Challenge Update

So I started the PopSugar's 2015 Reading Challenge in January. 

I don't know when I became such a big reader. I remember, as a teen ager, sitting in the living room with my brothers, and all of reading our own books. Maybe I was a reader back then but in a house full of readers, I never noticed it because it was our norm. 

I remember as a punishment for not completing pretty much any of my homework in middle school, I had to back up my bookcase and turn my books in with my mother. (Since she wasn't looking, I stashed some of my favorites away in my closet. Then I'd sit & read in my closet instead of doing my homework.)

I remember also in middle school, when my mother left a Jackie Collins book in the bathroom and I spent 3 days sitting on the bathroom floor, pouring over that novel. My mom left to run errands and I remember lying on the floor, half in the bathroom, half in the hall so I would be able to hear her unlock the front door. That book was the trashiest, most awful book I have ever read. Still to this day.

I did admit to my mom that I had read that book and after that, two things happened 1) my mom was much more careful about the books she left lying around and 2) she decided that I would be allowed to read adult romance novels, but she got to pick them out for me. Her choice were top rated (not trashy) historical romances. My favorite authors at the time were Julie Garwood & Judith McNaught. I am sure I was a middle school English teacher's worst nightmare.....the books I pulled out for silent reading were not your average middle schooler's.

Looking back, I guess I've always been a reader. But it didn't seem like being a book worm was anything to comment about it. 

I think I figured that everyone liked reading and read books. 

It wasn't until my friends started posting posts about loving books & reading on my Facebook timeline that I realized my love of books & reading was anything special. But those posts made me feel special. It made me proud of books & reading and that people associated me with something so fine & lovely.

I've never tried to compete with anybody or look down on them for not reading books. My sister-in-law isn't a reader, and I adore her. She interacts with the real world far more than I do. I admire her for that. She's constantly out doing things, having fun, so who I am to judge anyone for that. 

I just spent two hours laying on my bed, reading my Stephen King book. That was great fun (to me). 

Even though I'm not competitive, that doesn't mean that some people don't try to compete with me. I didn't grow up with that. My brothers liked their genres, and I liked mine. I'd read one of their books, but it wasn't my thing and that's okay. There are a few genres that I don't read. I would love to be into poetry, but I just don't read it. And horror books...I will read the master of horror (Stephen King) but I don't like to be scared normally. Military & war books don't interest me either. I like some biographies but I seem to be picky about the person I read about. I like to read about strong women in history who went against society's norms and kicked ass. 

I mention this because someone once tried to put me down for not reading the same genres as he did. I was told I was really limiting myself as a reader. That offended me, because I do consider myself to be well-read. 

Back to the Reading Challenge!

I like that I read some books that I normally would not have but I don't think I will be doing another challenge next year. I miss picking books out just for fun. Now, they have to be on my list or a book I can use on my list.

This challenge is a 52 book challenge. That averages to a book a week. And I've read 34 books so far this year. I have 18 left to go. Last year, my goal was to read 37 books (and I read 52, go figure). 

Thankfully, the challenge hasn't lessened my love of reading. It's just narrowed my choices. But I did go back & took another look at my TBR (To Be Read) stack & figured out how to fit in my new books into the the challenge. That helps. 

Here's my challenge so far:

Man, if I got a free book out of this challenge, that'd be awesome. But right now, I'll take the feeling of accomplishment & pride. Either way, after reading all those books, it's still a win. 

Proud Book Worm

I love to read. It's really a love of stories because I also love movies & television. But the fact I read so much seems to make me stand out from your average reader. I think it's also the fact that I am also a fast reader. I have a hard time putting books down because I know I can finish it if I read just a bit more.

Last year, I set the goal of reading 37 books. I ended up reading 52. Granted, it was actually 50 traditional books. I read some graphic novels and listened to a couple of audiobooks. So maybe some hardcore readers might not count my 52 as real books. I don't count re-reads. If Goodreads doesn't count them, then neither do I. 

I would argue that setting a high goal of reading new books takes away from the joy of re-reading some classic favorites. There's something very comforting and fun in a favorite book.

This year, I was debating how many books I wanted to read. I set a goal of 50 but I wasn't really feeling inspired by a reading challenge goal. Then I was poking around Pintrest when I found this gem:

I liked this idea. Not only are there 50 books on this list, but it was also about finding these books to cross off my list. Some of these would be easy to find. Others would not. A book that takes place in my hometown? My hometown is small....but guess what? Someone DID write a book about it. It's a non-fiction book about the town during the Prohibition Era. Who knew!?!

I became excited looking over the list. There's only one book I was supposed to read in high school but never finished (okay, there were two but I read The Great Gatsby last year) and that is The Scarlet Letter, so that's one to cross off my list. 

The book with bad reviews is throwing me off a bit. Even a Justin Beiber biography had 4 stars on Goodreads. I'm thinking of reading Fifty Shades of Grey because those bad reviews made me laugh really hard. But the thing with books is that one person loves it and the next might hate it. 

But the challenge is making me think more about what I am going to read. I've already crossed two of the categories off my list, but they could have gone in another category just as easily. 

It's fun to be excited about my reading this year. Even if I don't cross off every book in the challenge (who am I kidding, I totally will!) I will still have fun with it!

Wishing you a Happy 2015 and good luck with your challenges, reading or otherwise!!!

Miss Ruark, Kindergarten Teacher

This is my focus wall/calendar

I don't write about my actual teaching on this blog. Which is funny because teaching is what I spend the majority of my time doing. But I don't want to write about what I am doing in my classroom and how I have decorated it, or organized it...even though I am proud of my classroom. And I check out many different teacher blogs and am grateful those teachers posted their ideas and what works for them.

But I thought I would devote a post about me being a teacher. 

I want to be a great teacher. I want kids to shine when they are in my class. I want to help them improve not only their weaknesses but also their strengths. I would love to be the kind of teacher that newer teachers will be inspired by.

I think I do well by my students however, I don't think my teaching style is very exciting. 

You see, I am a very laid back teacher. I teach like I am about to be interrupted. Which I mostly likely will be. And not just by the 5 year olds, because other adults interrupt me constantly. Other teachers, parents, parents of other classrooms, issues from the office...and I have 23 mostly 5 year olds. I will be interrupted.

The worst interruption of my career happened a couple of months ago. I had taken my students outside on the bench and was about to create an eruption of a paper mache volcano. I had filled the volcano with the proper ingredients and was just about to pour in the magic that would make our volcano erupt. 

Now, I should also point out that I was a drama kid in high school and can be very theatrical. I also teach like I'm on stage, entertaining the crowds...not only does it make for a more engaged classroom, but it gets out my need to perform regularly. 

My Word Wall 

So, I have presented my lesson with the gusto of a side show magician and I have the kids on the edge of their seat as I am about to pour in the liquid from the beaker in my hand...

...when a parent from another classroom comes to me to inform me that she has the box of tee shirts that I will need at the end of week and where should she put them? 

I guess my response of, "Just set them down there, please." wasn't enough of a response. Because she then went into how she was going to set them down in the classroom and how the shirts were arranged. My "OkayThat'sGreatThanks!" seemed to miff her and she huffed off. 

My students who were once in rapt attention were now fidgeting in their seats and whispering to each other. The moment was lost....thank goodness for my acting training years ago, because I was able to bring them back to a new moment and not act like I was totally irritated.

I teach with my gut. I feel what my kids need, whether that be what they need from me emotionally or if I need to change gears in the middle of a lesson because I'm losing them and I need to try a different approach. 

And despite my love of the theater, I don't do well with scripted lessons. I don't plan out my lessons that way. I know the scope of what I want to teach but if I am teaching the math vocabulary words, will my kids understand with the math video alone? Should I demonstrate with stuffed animals? Or will I have to be really dynamic and stand on a chair to demonstrate something? Or will the energy of my class be so off that standing on my chair would create too much silliness that I would lose the effectiveness of the lesson? Or will I simply have to use a real life example of that vocabulary word that will spark a class discussion of when my students used that vocabulary word. I wing it. 

If you think my math lessons are theatrical, then you should see me read a book! I use voices and expression to "act" out the book. I love reading books to my students. I read silly books, sweet books, and books that make me cry. There's one book called The Two Bobbies that makes me cry every single time I read it aloud. And I read it every year.

Lara Ruark 1982
Kindergarten

Before I tell this next story, I need you to know something about me: I tear up when I laugh. And when I laugh hard, I will cry....but when I am trying to hold back my laughter, then tears will run down my face.

Once a week, the special person of the week brings in their favorite book and I will read it to the class. Last year, one of the boys brought a Batman book to share. Now, I do voices when I read...and the only voice I could possibly do for Batman was that deep graveling voice from the movies but better yet the Batman voice from the web cartoon: How It Should Have Ended. Check out a clip here. 

This was by far the silliest voice I had ever done. Not even my gingerbread man voice could top this. And I was cracking myself something fierce. I even had to stop reading a couple of times to get my control back. All the while, tears are streaming down my face.

Of course the kids noticed. "Miss Ruark, are you crying?" one of them asked. I nodded, hid my face with the book, and shook with laughter.

They thought this was terribly funny. One of the boys started imitating my "Batman" voice, saying things like "I'm Batman." Which made me laugh even harder, but all the while trying not to laugh and still crying about it. I got through the book, but I don't think I did the story justice at all. 

It's interesting to notice that my students tend to be strong in their math skills and love books by the end of the year with me. I think it's no coincidence that those are my two favorite things about teaching. So, it's no surprise to me. 

Don't get me wrong, I also enjoy teaching reading and seeing my students improve their skills. But learning to read is based so much on the developmental connections in the brain that sometimes despite constant practicing the brain isn't ready to make that "click" until the student is a little older. When I taught 2nd Grade, all of a sudden the student's reading would take off and as much as I would have loved to take the credit, it was really their brain making that connection. 

I feel the best thing I can do to teach reading is to keep giving them that foundation and give the brain more opportunities to make that connection. I didn't start out a strong reader until I was older and I can remember looking at the other reading groups books in 2nd Grade thinking that they had the better stories to read. There was this girl in my 4th grade class who was the best reader in class and would make these fantastic book reports for these amazing books. I kinda "stalked" her and would read every book she did a report about all because I wanted to be a good reader too.

If you follow me on Twitter, Facebook, or Goodreads, you'd know that I grew up to become a total bookworm and I read a lot. This year, my goal was to read 37 books and I am almost up to 50 books for the year 2014. Last year was a slow reading year with my move and I think I barely read 25 books.

Miss Ruark 2014
Kindergarten Teacher

So, I love to see improvement in my students but I don't think how good of a reader you are in early elementary defines a future bookworm. I figure as long as they love books and practice, their brains will catch up. Look at me. 

Wow, I had a lot more to say about teaching than I thought I did. 

I guess the real truth about my teaching style is that while my class may look cutesy and we sing silly songs and sometimes it looks chaotic, is that I am very aware of the end result. I may not be the most polished looking teacher, or use the proper teaching terms (I didn't use the term realia once, but I mentioned it!) but I know where I want my students to be at the end of the year, and you know what? We get there. ;)

The 'Eh' of Reading....

I love reading great books. 

I love reading stories that suck me in, leaving me unaware as to how long I've been reading until I notice my hands are hurting from holding a book/kindle in one position for so long. 

I love book hangovers ~ where I've stayed up waaaay to late reading but the book was so engrossing that I lost track of time and therefor totally worth it the next day.

I hate it when I look at my books/kindle and think: "I should be reading."

I have at least 50 books that I own in my To Be Read pile (TBR for short) so there's plenty of choices for a book to read. 

But I can't pick any of those up right now, because I'm stuck reading a book that I don't really care about. 

I envy people who can set the book down and never pick it up again. I am not one of those, once I start a book, unless there is a big life event happening (there's only 3 books I have never finished and moving thousands of miles was why I stopped reading them), I have to finish the book. Even if I don't like it.

So I trudge through it. I read it when I remember to read. I pick it up for a chapter and feel accomplished that I went a little bit further to the end. I revel in finding extra stuff at the end of the book, because that means less I have to read. 

Finishing the book becomes a chore. 

But when I finish the book, I feel like I really accomplished something. I got through it. It's finished. 

Then I reward myself with a quick read silly book, you know, something fun that I don't have to think or feel too hard about.

And then I look to my TBR pile for the next great book (hopefully).