Bah Humbug!

Just kidding! Despite not having any holiday decorations up in my house, I'm not against the holidays. I just got sick.

I got a bad head cold...that turned into massive coughing fits requiring my inhaler. I would get the coughing fits at night almost every hour for three nights in a row, leaving me only having about 6 hours of sleep over a three day period. Only stopping when my doctor took pity on me and gave me some of the good cough syrup.

During the last week and a half, I only took one day off from teaching. And that was because I woke up with no voice early in the sickness. The rest of the time, I showed up to work every day. Even exhausted, I showed up and taught. 

Which was not only stupid, it affected my health and my holiday season. I pushed through every day and came home only to go to bed early to try to get some extra rest. 

Now, before anyone complains that I could have gotten the kids sick, let me tell you that's not how it really works. My fingers stay out of my nose, I cover my coughs & sneezes, I keep my distance from kids when I am sick, and I wash my hands often. You can't say the same for 5 & 6 year olds. 

Teachers are notorious for not taking days off when they are sick. Why? Because it's so much work to prepare for a substitute. Often times, a teacher is just better showing up and muddling through their day.

Think about it: to prepare for a substitute, a teacher has to write out how every single minute of the day needs to go. And what kids get pulled out for what. What kids have health concerns to remember. And a teacher has to have all the materials ready in a stack for easy access. And how is a substitute going to know who the kids are without name tags? And subs don't know your classroom procedures so a teacher better write those down too. That way if Little Johnny acts up, the substitute will know how to handle that situation. Extra duties? Write 'em down! What do you want the students to do with the finished work? How do you handle all of them wanting to go to the bathroom now that you've let one student go? Do you let everyone sharpen a pencil at once or do you have a procedure for that? How do you take attendance? Line up for recess? Where do you go? Who's the line leader? Who are kids that need aides? Who are the helpful students who will tell you anything the sub plans forgot to mention? Where do the kids sit? Where are the crayons? Markers? Pencils? Do you have a class pet that needs feeding and where is that food? Can students use your fancy markers that are in a special bin marked with the teacher's name? How do your kids leave the building at the end of the day? Do you walk them out to meet their parents or let them run wild? Oh, and we can't forget what to do if it's a rainy day with indoor recess!

And that's if you get a good substitute! I often get good substitutes who really make an effort to follow my plans and clean up. But one time, I was sick and I came back to a classroom that looked like a bomb exploded. There was trash all over the floor, papers & pencils everywhere, and my free choice materials were just left out. 

Another time, all my dry erase markers had disappeared. My students told me that the gentleman would use the marker and then put it in his pocket (most likely out of habit) and then walked off with a set of my dry erase markers. (My students knew that dry erase markers stayed on the board, so they watched the sub with horror as he pocketed them they later told me.)

My sub horror stories aren't scary, but I have heard other teacher's stories that are. Sure, you hear tales of a substitute not following any of the plans for the day and totally doing their own thing. My favorite bad sub tale is when a substitute who not only did not follow the plans, but she opened up the teacher's art cabinets and let the kids take & do whatever they wanted for the day. (For you non-teachers, please note that many of us have special materials for special projects that only come out during certain times of the year.)

And when things like that happen, the district doesn't reimburse teachers for materials like that. Most of our fancy art supplies comes out of our own pockets. 

Some teachers only request substitutes that they know. Since I was a sub before I became a teacher, I do like to give the unknown person a chance now and then. But this last week, the week before Winter Break, I needed someone that I knew.

Here's why I pushed myself (admittedly too far I might add) this last week:

Friday ~ I woke up with no voice. I have in the past taught with no voice (kids have to pay extra attention to me) but I was going to be working with the entire kindergarten (Fun Friday) and knew I couldn't push myself like that. So I did stay home that day.

Saturday & Sunday ~ I stayed home all weekend. 

Monday ~ I had nothing set up for a substitute. I figured I could muddle through the day and then get a sub for Tuesday.

Tuesday ~ All the substitutes I contacted were busy. I had a parent holiday card the kids were making and I felt that was too important to leave to someone who may or may not get it done, much less make them how I wanted them to come out.

Wednesday ~ 1st night of only 2 hours of sleep. We were making gift bags for the ornaments we had make the week before and we also had library & a guest story teller. I figured with the breaks between the day, I would be fine. Plus, I would go home and sleep.

Thursday ~ 2nd night of only 2 hours of sleep. My own mother was coming to my class to volunteer to help the kids wrap their ornaments, put them in the gift bags, and then staple them to the parent cards we made on Tuesday. I knew set aside time to end the day with painting and some yoga for kids on youtube (Cosmic Kids Yoga ~ I highly recommend). But I had to be there for my mother! Plus, I was so tired that I figured if I went home and went to sleep, I'd get sleep just from being so tired.

Friday ~ 3rd night of only 2 hours of sleep. I was trying not to cry walking Dakota that morning. It was going to be a short day. I had parents coming in to help build gingerbread houses, I knew kids were going to be bringing me presents for the Holidays, and I knew that I couldn't disappoint them by not being there. I had to be there, you know, for the kids!

"Gingerbread Houses" were a success!!

This past weekend was filled with my mother's birthday brunch and my niece's horseback riding lessons that I take her to every other week. Today is the first day in a week that I have to just allow myself to be sick....

3 days before Christmas.

Nothings wrapped, decorated, and I still have a few presents to get.

At least I can sleep now! Thank you cough syrup with codeine! There's always a silver lining!   

Miss Ruark, Kindergarten Teacher

This is my focus wall/calendar

I don't write about my actual teaching on this blog. Which is funny because teaching is what I spend the majority of my time doing. But I don't want to write about what I am doing in my classroom and how I have decorated it, or organized it...even though I am proud of my classroom. And I check out many different teacher blogs and am grateful those teachers posted their ideas and what works for them.

But I thought I would devote a post about me being a teacher. 

I want to be a great teacher. I want kids to shine when they are in my class. I want to help them improve not only their weaknesses but also their strengths. I would love to be the kind of teacher that newer teachers will be inspired by.

I think I do well by my students however, I don't think my teaching style is very exciting. 

You see, I am a very laid back teacher. I teach like I am about to be interrupted. Which I mostly likely will be. And not just by the 5 year olds, because other adults interrupt me constantly. Other teachers, parents, parents of other classrooms, issues from the office...and I have 23 mostly 5 year olds. I will be interrupted.

The worst interruption of my career happened a couple of months ago. I had taken my students outside on the bench and was about to create an eruption of a paper mache volcano. I had filled the volcano with the proper ingredients and was just about to pour in the magic that would make our volcano erupt. 

Now, I should also point out that I was a drama kid in high school and can be very theatrical. I also teach like I'm on stage, entertaining the crowds...not only does it make for a more engaged classroom, but it gets out my need to perform regularly. 

My Word Wall 

So, I have presented my lesson with the gusto of a side show magician and I have the kids on the edge of their seat as I am about to pour in the liquid from the beaker in my hand...

...when a parent from another classroom comes to me to inform me that she has the box of tee shirts that I will need at the end of week and where should she put them? 

I guess my response of, "Just set them down there, please." wasn't enough of a response. Because she then went into how she was going to set them down in the classroom and how the shirts were arranged. My "OkayThat'sGreatThanks!" seemed to miff her and she huffed off. 

My students who were once in rapt attention were now fidgeting in their seats and whispering to each other. The moment was lost....thank goodness for my acting training years ago, because I was able to bring them back to a new moment and not act like I was totally irritated.

I teach with my gut. I feel what my kids need, whether that be what they need from me emotionally or if I need to change gears in the middle of a lesson because I'm losing them and I need to try a different approach. 

And despite my love of the theater, I don't do well with scripted lessons. I don't plan out my lessons that way. I know the scope of what I want to teach but if I am teaching the math vocabulary words, will my kids understand with the math video alone? Should I demonstrate with stuffed animals? Or will I have to be really dynamic and stand on a chair to demonstrate something? Or will the energy of my class be so off that standing on my chair would create too much silliness that I would lose the effectiveness of the lesson? Or will I simply have to use a real life example of that vocabulary word that will spark a class discussion of when my students used that vocabulary word. I wing it. 

If you think my math lessons are theatrical, then you should see me read a book! I use voices and expression to "act" out the book. I love reading books to my students. I read silly books, sweet books, and books that make me cry. There's one book called The Two Bobbies that makes me cry every single time I read it aloud. And I read it every year.

Lara Ruark 1982
Kindergarten

Before I tell this next story, I need you to know something about me: I tear up when I laugh. And when I laugh hard, I will cry....but when I am trying to hold back my laughter, then tears will run down my face.

Once a week, the special person of the week brings in their favorite book and I will read it to the class. Last year, one of the boys brought a Batman book to share. Now, I do voices when I read...and the only voice I could possibly do for Batman was that deep graveling voice from the movies but better yet the Batman voice from the web cartoon: How It Should Have Ended. Check out a clip here. 

This was by far the silliest voice I had ever done. Not even my gingerbread man voice could top this. And I was cracking myself something fierce. I even had to stop reading a couple of times to get my control back. All the while, tears are streaming down my face.

Of course the kids noticed. "Miss Ruark, are you crying?" one of them asked. I nodded, hid my face with the book, and shook with laughter.

They thought this was terribly funny. One of the boys started imitating my "Batman" voice, saying things like "I'm Batman." Which made me laugh even harder, but all the while trying not to laugh and still crying about it. I got through the book, but I don't think I did the story justice at all. 

It's interesting to notice that my students tend to be strong in their math skills and love books by the end of the year with me. I think it's no coincidence that those are my two favorite things about teaching. So, it's no surprise to me. 

Don't get me wrong, I also enjoy teaching reading and seeing my students improve their skills. But learning to read is based so much on the developmental connections in the brain that sometimes despite constant practicing the brain isn't ready to make that "click" until the student is a little older. When I taught 2nd Grade, all of a sudden the student's reading would take off and as much as I would have loved to take the credit, it was really their brain making that connection. 

I feel the best thing I can do to teach reading is to keep giving them that foundation and give the brain more opportunities to make that connection. I didn't start out a strong reader until I was older and I can remember looking at the other reading groups books in 2nd Grade thinking that they had the better stories to read. There was this girl in my 4th grade class who was the best reader in class and would make these fantastic book reports for these amazing books. I kinda "stalked" her and would read every book she did a report about all because I wanted to be a good reader too.

If you follow me on Twitter, Facebook, or Goodreads, you'd know that I grew up to become a total bookworm and I read a lot. This year, my goal was to read 37 books and I am almost up to 50 books for the year 2014. Last year was a slow reading year with my move and I think I barely read 25 books.

Miss Ruark 2014
Kindergarten Teacher

So, I love to see improvement in my students but I don't think how good of a reader you are in early elementary defines a future bookworm. I figure as long as they love books and practice, their brains will catch up. Look at me. 

Wow, I had a lot more to say about teaching than I thought I did. 

I guess the real truth about my teaching style is that while my class may look cutesy and we sing silly songs and sometimes it looks chaotic, is that I am very aware of the end result. I may not be the most polished looking teacher, or use the proper teaching terms (I didn't use the term realia once, but I mentioned it!) but I know where I want my students to be at the end of the year, and you know what? We get there. ;)

The 'Eh' of Reading....

I love reading great books. 

I love reading stories that suck me in, leaving me unaware as to how long I've been reading until I notice my hands are hurting from holding a book/kindle in one position for so long. 

I love book hangovers ~ where I've stayed up waaaay to late reading but the book was so engrossing that I lost track of time and therefor totally worth it the next day.

I hate it when I look at my books/kindle and think: "I should be reading."

I have at least 50 books that I own in my To Be Read pile (TBR for short) so there's plenty of choices for a book to read. 

But I can't pick any of those up right now, because I'm stuck reading a book that I don't really care about. 

I envy people who can set the book down and never pick it up again. I am not one of those, once I start a book, unless there is a big life event happening (there's only 3 books I have never finished and moving thousands of miles was why I stopped reading them), I have to finish the book. Even if I don't like it.

So I trudge through it. I read it when I remember to read. I pick it up for a chapter and feel accomplished that I went a little bit further to the end. I revel in finding extra stuff at the end of the book, because that means less I have to read. 

Finishing the book becomes a chore. 

But when I finish the book, I feel like I really accomplished something. I got through it. It's finished. 

Then I reward myself with a quick read silly book, you know, something fun that I don't have to think or feel too hard about.

And then I look to my TBR pile for the next great book (hopefully).

Burned.....

That last text my brother sent me was a fake one.....

He got me.

I will know revenge!!!

My Dastardly Plans....

were foiled!!!

In honor of my baby brother's birthday, I posted a heartfelt birthday wish on Facebook. Then, I posted a baby picture of him, again, wishing him a happy birthday.

I saw him two days later for a birthday celebration at his house. 

He made a crack how he never received a text from me about his birthday.

"Didn't you see my TWO Facebook posts!?!" I asked incredulous. 

"What?" he snorted. "That doesn't count. Besides, you got that picture from my girlfriend. You didn't even scan that yourself."

I decided he was going to rue the day he complained about my birthday greetings. He wanted texts, then I would give him texts!

I think he's on to me....

Oh, he's so funny!

It's true, my other brother's birthday was the next day.

He's getting cocky now....

Wait! What!?!

He posted on Facebook that his phone was broken.

This completely ruins my plan. I was going to keep this up for months! Maybe even a whole year until his next birthday.

The beauty of this plan was in the long term...sure it was cute now, but in six months it was going to be epic. I had a reminder set on my phone to text him. This was going to be beautiful....and it's ruined. Ironically, by the very technology that I was using to prank my brother.

Sadness descends in the house of Miss Ruark.

Leaving California

Greetings all!

I have been thinking about what I really want out of life...and the time has come for me to write. I am starting to gather my stories about my life in Alaska. Some of those stories, are already here on my blog but some have never been written. I am posting the first story which is about my leaving California to Alaska. 

I would love to have your feedback. It's long, about 5 pages. But my idea is to one day bring these stories together in a book. This would be the first chapter.

Leaving California

What would make a person leave all the comforts of society, their friends and family to trek over 3,000 miles, to a land isolated and wild?

That question has been asked countless times throughout history. There are many different answers, many different reasons. However, I can only give you my answer to that question…and it’s not just one reason. Nor is it very complicated.

The one thing I always wanted to be growing up was something special. My biggest fear was that I would end up boring. I didn’t know how I was going to achieve this life of mine, but I lived with the mantra: “Don’t be boring.”

My 2 kitties

And yet, somehow, I found myself at 33 years old being boring. My life was stagnant. My long term boyfriend had replaced me with a younger, skinnier, more complacent model; my demanding mother was making me feel guilty almost daily if I didn’t help her take care of my baby niece because she had a bad back and lacked the energy; I had lost my best friend over a falling out involving her attachment to my ex-boyfriend; and the only thing going right in my life was my career as a teacher at my local elementary school.

Because my ex-boyfriend of 10+ years hated to travel, I had not been on an airplane in 10 years. I never went anywhere. Even my weekend trips to visit my grandparents brought on feelings of guilt for leaving my two cats alone by themselves. I was sure I would find them strangled in the blinds when I returned.

I was miserable, overweight, and the worst of it all was that my life was boring. I was two issues of a cat magazine away from being a sad middle aged, single woman cliché of a crazy cat lady.

Then, the bottom dropped out from under me. The economy in California in 2010 was horrible. And for a public school teacher, it was worse. Teachers were getting laid off by the thousands. I received a “pink slip”. This was a letter saying that at this time, the district could not guarantee that I would have a teaching job for the next school year. It was a scary time for many of us.

I don’t remember the exact moment it popped into my head that I wasn’t tied down to California. I remember joking with one of my colleagues and the school secretary about moving away to Alaska (which had always been a secret fantasy of mine, moving off some place wild & crazy) when they were teasing me that it was a horrible idea. The thing was, the reasons they were giving me weren’t turning me away.

Here are the reasons they told me Alaska wasn’t a good idea:

     1)   It was cold. I actually hate the heat. I loved the idea of moving some place with snow.

     2)   It was dark. Saying this to a night owl is not going to dissuade them. I never minded the dark. I always had more energy at night anyways.

   3)   There were mostly men there. Well, saying this to a newly single woman afraid of becoming a crazy cat lady was making Alaska sound pretty good. Plus, I had just found out one of the PTA parents had started telling people I was a lesbian, which would be fine except that I wasn’t. Trust me, if I were a lesbian, I’d be quite proud about it.

Now that the idea was in my head, I wondered how feasible would it be for me to actually go up to Alaska to teach? I knew that most states would accept my teaching license; California was known to be one of the good states. I needed more information.

After a few Internet searches, I had learned that teachers were the number one migrant workers in the state of Alaska. It would be very easy to switch over my California teaching license to Alaska. There was actually a whole website devoted to helping teachers find jobs in Alaska (Alaska Teacher Placement or ATP). The site offered information about teaching in rural villages, or in the bush as it was known, along with information about teaching in cities, known as teaching on the road system. There was a message board where you could ask questions from teachers who had traveled up there. There were lectures and videos about what to expect. There were even job fairs in several different states.

It’s a delightful feeling when you realize “Hey, I actually could do this.” Because this crazy idea I had about leaving my stagnant, pathetic world behind and do something wild and unthinkable could really happen. The only thing holding me back was me.

I decided to check out a job fair. There was a job fair in Seattle and one in Anchorage. I decided that before I would move to a new state, I at least wanted to spend at least 24 hours there. I signed up for Anchorage, booked my flight & my hotel.

My 1st view of Alaska

Keep in mind that I hadn’t traveled in 10 years. In everyone’s eyes, this was so completely out of character for me. People asked me who was going to pick me up (a taxi), how would I know where to go (the job fair was at the hotel), and what was going to happen if I needed help? (I’d ask for it?)

People didn’t understand that this wasn’t out of character for me. I was letting people hold me back and for the first time in my life, I was letting go and doing something that felt right for me. I was being true to what I wanted and taking one step closer to who I wanted to become.

That being said, I am not a stupid woman. I researched and made a cheat sheet of every district in the state of Alaska. I had index cards held together with a metal ring listing: where in Alaska the district was, if it was rural, if it paid well, and if the teacher housing had water & electricity and if I would consider teaching there.

I knew that some districts were more dangerous than others. I decided that I didn’t want my lack of knowledge/experience with the weather to kill me. Any place where I had to chop my own wood to survive was not going to work for me. I needed a community of other teachers. I wanted my house to have plumbing but I was on the fence as to whether or not I wanted a roommate.

Armed with my resume, teacher portfolio, and my district cards, I arrived in Anchorage for the job fair. The flights went fine and the taxi ride was smooth. The mountains in Alaska took my breath away. I had never seen a place more beautiful. There was snow on the ground but the locals weren’t even wearing coats. I thought that was odd. Weren’t they cold?

My only mistake was something no one had told me. In California, if it is cold outside then you should wear a sweater because of the drafts, even when indoors. In Alaska, there are no drafts. I was dressed too warmly and I was hot most of the trip. (And for the record, I didn’t wear a sweater during my years in Alaska at all.)

I had to submit my fingerprints before I could get hired to teach. So, I found a place that would do my fingerprints in Anchorage, and then I hopped on a bus hoping to save some money. Now, I look back and am impressed with the guts it took me to get on that bus. Not used to traveling, and certainly not used to taking buses, I met each activity with the determination that everything was going to be fine. And it was.

View from my hotel room

Actually, I was treated with so much kindness from the locals. The woman at the fingerprint place looked up the bus schedule for me to make sure I got back okay. I was digging out my change for the bus when the driver waved me to never mind and just have a seat. I was short some dollars at the hotel store and the girl behind the counter waved me off and gave me a discounted price. I went back and paid her what I owed her and dug the rest of my change out of my pocket for the bus driver but still I was impressed. Another thing that struck me, was whenever someone got off the bus, they all thanked the driver. People weren’t just faceless entities in Alaska. We were all people trying to make our way and were treated as such.

I was liking Alaska.

It was time for the job fair. I walked around to look at the districts that were there. I had so wanted to apply to Juneau or Anchorage…but Anchorage was only looking for Special Ed teachers or high school math…and Juneau wasn’t even there. In fact, none of the districts on the road system were there…only districts from the bush.

I wouldn’t find out until years later that I had been mislead. Job fairs for Alaska were really only for the bush (rural) districts. The other districts are so sought out by the great candidates that they didn’t start looking for teachers until the end of May and/or June. And this had been April. That’s one of the secrets no one mentions, most likely to get people like me to come out.

But at that time, I knew nothing of this. I didn’t know that if I waited, I could have interviewed with those more desirable districts. I really believed that fate was guiding me to a village in the bush. So, I pulled out my cards and submitted my resume to the districts that fitted my requirements.

Out of those districts, I had 3 job interviews that day. I had met a couple who used to work in one of those districts who tried to warn me that the district I had just interviewed with was the worst district in the state of Alaska, but I thought it was tacky to bad mouth your old district, so I ignored them. It turns out to have been the district I chose and they were absolutely correct but for different reasons than they had said anyways.

Anchorage, Alaska

Of those 3 interviews, I received 2 job offers. Right after the first offer came through, I also got a letter from my current district saying that I had my job back for next year with them. I now had to choose between staying in California or moving to an Alaskan village, 400 miles from Anchorage on the Kuskokwim River, accessible by either boat or bush plane. No one wanted me to leave and I also knew that while my job was safe, each school site was going to lose one teacher. My friend, Annabelle, was going to lose her job.

But I didn’t want to stay. People warned me to take a leave of absence for a year. The idea was that if it didn’t work in Alaska, I could come back. But I knew if I had that safety net, I wouldn’t make things work if it proved difficult. I needed to not be able to come back. I needed this to work. I needed to make it work.

I threw caution to the wind, I saved my friend’s job, I stood up for myself, and I resigned after 4 years with my district. I accepted the position in Alaska. And I turned down an interview with Anchorage (wow, that would have been a completely different experience!). The HR director came up to me at a meeting and said, “Lara! What did you do!?!” I replied, “What was best for me.” Then he held out his hand and wished me well.

I was leaving my broken heart, my guilt, my fear, and my doubts behind me. I was taking my 2 cats and going out into the unknown. I had no idea what to expect. But for the first time in my life, I knew I had the smarts, the drive, and the courage to find out what fate had in store for me next. And the possibilities were endless.

Where Everyone Knows Your Name....

I have been back in my hometown for over a year now. And I love being back to a place I know so well. It's got a nice downtown area, a marina to check out the boats, and it's close to San Francisco, Napa, and Sacramento....it's practically perfect. 

One thing that has been an adjustment was my social circle. When I moved away, I lost touch with some of my friends. And I don't blame them, because I left. I tried to talk to them every now and then but life moves on.

When I moved back, I thought I would be able to pick up those relationships and have a social life again. But that's not been the case. Some of those friendships are gone. And that's okay. We are happy to run into each other again and hope we can do it sometime again, but we aren't friends anymore.

Which brings me to the realization: it's hard to make friends when you are an adult. 

Not that I have ever really been good at making friends. Sure, I'm friendly but I really am an introvert and I seem to have some mild social anxiety. I want to go out & do things but it stresses me out. Will I be underdressed? Over dressed? Will I be able to talk to anyone? Or stand there like an idiot?

I can travel to a new place no problem...but put me in a party where I don't know anyone and I can't do it.

There was a place in town that suited me and my social quirks perfectly. It was a cafe downtown called, In The Company of Wolves. But to those of us who frequented it, it was simply "Wolves". It was right off a corner and had an old speakeasy from the 20's down below the building. The floor was sinking in the bathroom & you could see the beam that was the ceiling below coming up through the floor. I never went down into the speakeasy, but legend has it there was still the old bar below...

Wolves was a place where I could show up, sit down, and talk to someone. I never knew who would be there, but there were many regulars. We came from all walks of life, all colors, all sorts of interests, all varied opinions....and we all came to just sit and hang out for a few good hours. We didn't come for the coffee, we came for the atmosphere.

Some nights, people would bring their guitars and play on the street corner. One night, there was an Open Mic Night where one performer played the bongos, pulled down his pants, and hung from a beam in his underwear. He later stumbled back to the dive bar across the street but that performance was pretty memorable. I watched my first Family Guy episode sitting on the sidewalk there. Artists would draw & show off their art. People would read their books, drink their coffee. 

I met boyfriends, friends, and even my family members would sometimes make an appearance at Wolves. My brother even worked there for a short time. 


For someone like me, who has a hard time with big social groups, it was a safe place that I knew I would run into someone I knew & there was no pressure. I could be as laid back as I wanted/needed to be. It was so easy just to show up. Wolves was always there. I would take breaks but then I could so easily show up and pick up where I left off. 

Then, Wolves closed. And there wasn't a place like that in town anymore. There was no place I could just show up and run into people I wanted to talk to. I was on my own. I became a teacher and my life moved on.

I run into my Wolves friends from time to time. Many of us are on social media. I just saw someone last weekend that I hadn't seen in years but we've kept in touch. It was like no time had passed. 

I still miss Wolves. I miss just showing up somewhere and people knowing me. I miss talking about what seems like nothing at the time but feels so important when I look back. You never realize how it's the little moments that mean so much.

It's a computer repair shop now....but the corner the musicians used to play at is now a music store, which seems rather fitting.

I look at the building when I drive by. It seems so normal now. That corner was built on rebellion, fun, & moments of wild abandon....which the Wolves crowd did their best to continue....

How many of us have driven by that corner and remember an era that used to be? And the better question is: what era?

Note: I tried to post a picture of the logo or a pic from Wolves, but it was before the age of smart phones & I don't think I have a single picture from Wolves.....now, that's sad!!!

Mirror, Mirror, On The Wall.....

I've had a break through of sorts.....

Double Take Tote

I bought a new bag.......through my Thirty-One business....and this bag has changed everything. You know the saying a new pair of shoes can change your life? Well, so can a new bag...kinda.

This bag is a tote that normally is not my style. It's sleek & sophisticated. And lately, I am not. I am comfort & baggy. Some days possibly even frumpy.

But I wanted this bag. So I got it. I had no idea what I was going to use it for but nonetheless, this was going to be my bag. I had it monogrammed. I have never had anything monogrammed...that's so not me.

But this bag is amazing. But the problem is.....I don't match the bag. But I wanted to match this bag. I wanted to be stylish. I wanted to up the way I dress.

So, I decided to invest in some new clothes....new work clothes. And I decided to start dressing better. I went online to research what was going on in the world of plus size fashion because I was trying to hide the size of my curves and I was just looking frumpy. 

Turns out, a plus size fashion blog I read said to accentuate your curves & not to hide them. I stood in the mirror and took a good look. Instead of looking to criticize, I looked at my shape and found something beautiful.

I have an hour glass shape. My waist is always smaller than my hips and shoulders. And no matter how big I have gotten, my waist has stayed smaller. But I was hiding my smaller waist. I was hiding my hourglass! Because I hated my stomach.....but really, I love that hourglass! It makes me feel sexy & curvy....it makes me feel better about myself. 

I vowed to hide it no longer!

I found a couple of websites for plus sizes that I felt were cute and complimented me and my style....kicking it up a notch but showing off my hourglass. 

I haven't lost any weight but when I wear those new clothes, not only do I feel better in them, but I get so many compliments.....and I have been getting more door held open for me too! I feel better about myself. I don't feel fat & frumpy.....I feel womanly & curvy. 

Dangerous Curves Ahead!

Not only do I match my bag...but I feel like I match me.

Some lessons I've learned from this:

1) Loving one part of my body has made me appreciate other things about my body & looks.

2) Dressing to show off my shape actually made me feel better

3) I didn't have to lose weight to feel better about myself

4) Investing money in some new clothes is a good thing

I still want to lose weight but it's not because I want to look better anymore. Cause I already do!

Cheers!