Enter The Year Of The Scary Age

Carrie Bradshaw from 'Sex And The City' had a scary age. This is the age where you start to feel old and you should have reached your goal of marriage & babies...or maybe just babies. In any case, when you hit your scary age, it should start a panic. They also said in the show that you'd regret not settling down by then. Like you somehow wasted your life.

Her scary age was 38. I thought that sounded like a reasonable scary age, so I chose the same age. I had decided that by the age of 38, I would be fit, be a mother, own my own house, and basically have my stuff together.

Visually, here's what I pictured:

A busy but loving wife & mother

I would look polished & professional

Of course, I'd also be a dedicated teacher

My house would be lovely, clean, & organized

Now, the only thing that I have accomplished on my list was to in regard to my teaching. That's what I have been thinking anyways. Until I really started thinking about my life.

First of all, I made the conscious decision to not purchase a home. Basically, I can't afford to buy a home here. And really the only thing I could afford anywhere in the Bay Area was a fixer-upper. Despite what the trolls in 'Frozen' might sing, a fixer-upper was not what I wanted. I had no desire to keep spending my money investing in my house that may or may not be in a good area.

I found a great little 1 bedroom house locally to rent. It's way bigger than my last house in Alaska, plus, it had a hook up for my very own washing machine & dryer. And since I don't own it, I don't have to worry about the up keep. Sure, the owners may decide to sell it or send me on my way any time they wish but I am a good tenant and they are okay with my giant dog. So hopefully I can stay here a while.

Which is another huge thing. When I came up with my scary age, I never knew that I would own a Giant Alaskan Malamute. I simply can't own fancy furniture. My furnishings are functional and from Ikea. They had to be, my dog sheds a great deal and he's not the most graceful dog around. I love my furniture though....

Plenty of room for a giant dog, cat, & myself!!

What's not pictured here is the cooling mat on the floor that Dakota sleeps on every night. The bed is mostly cat territory.

I have to have things that can be washed.....regularly. Because of moments like these:

He stole the pillows & blanket off the couch

Lola will climb on anything & anywhere!

He's a goof, but who could resist that face?

Another thing that I never foresaw was my traveling. Alaska, Iceland, and even owning my own little teardrop was something I had never planned on doing. I didn't know I was so adventurous. It was never part of my plan. Am I really supposed to be regretting moments like this?

Among the Giant Redwoods with my teardrop, my dog, & my niece!!!

A helicopter tour of the glaciers outside of Anchorage, Alaska with my mom

Staying warm teaching in Akiak, Alaska

The amazing Skógafoss waterfall in Iceland

So, obviously, my 30's have been awesome! I mean, not to brag or anything, but I why would I regret any of this? I'm way happier now than when I was in my 20's actively pursuing my goals of what I thought I needed before I was 38. And I did all this single and plus sized. And bottom line: I'm not ready for marriage or kids...not right now anyways.

But there's that nagging feeling...because there's more that I want to be. I've been lazy lately. My house is cluttered and needs a vacuuming, my eating habits are improving (I've cut out soda) but no where near healthy, I don't dress professionally every day, and if I exert myself too much, I feel like I am going to have a heart attack. Oh yeah, and I've got that Pre-Diabetic diagnosis to deal with. 

So I don't like that.....but it's up to me to change it. I've decided to take these last two years of my 30s and fix things....BUT incorporate where I have been and where I am going. I want to still travel, so I will make that happen. I also want to become healthier. The laziness will have to stop. I live like I am in my 20s....and that needs to stop for health reasons. The day I find the motivation to work on something I hate (exercise & eat right) will be an amazing day indeed. I think it's going to have to be a take it one day at a time sort of thing. I have issues with that.

The last thing that bothered me was how I dress at work. I want to be the kind of teacher who looks dressed up and professional. But let's face it: I get sneezed on, I'm down on the floor working with little ones, and some days I work with paint. It's the same reason my furniture is functional....my wardrobe has to be as well. I have stepped it up though. But I do still wear jeans. If you google images of kindergarten teachers, you won't see a suit. They look lovely and clean. That's good enough for me.

But, never fear, there are still going to be days like this one, just maybe not so many of them:  

Reading in bed....

Yes, I look forward to hitting my scary age in stride. I feel like I have a clean slate. Did I have a family? No. Did I have adventures? Oh my yes. Is this it for me? Oh hell no!

I am going to enjoy these last two years of my 30s....but I have to be honest, 40 doesn't sound that bad anymore!

The Graduate