The Universe Has Spoken.....

People have often asked me what led to my moving to Alaska for 3 years. There's an explination that I normally give but the truth is a little more in depth. Yes, the economy and possibly losing my job was part of that but there's a bigger picture, maybe even a simpler answer: something wasn't working for me, so I had to change it. (In this case, the Californian economy and my personal life.)

Selfie in Akiak, AK

See, if something isn't working in my life, I can't just ignore it or wallow in it. I have to try to change it (okay, this does not apply to my weight, that is a code I can't crack just yet). I am not one to sit around and let things continue to be difficult. I have to reflect on what isn't working and is there something that I can do to change it.

Sometimes, the change has to be big, like it's time to move on, or the change might be something more subtle. When I first moved to Alaska, village life wasn't working for me. I didn't want to quit but I knew I had to make some changes, so I made a list of everything that was bothering me. Then next to that list, I brainstormed some things that I could do to help make it better. A simple thing was that I was frustrated that I wasn't getting my mail. So, I decided to make it a priority to leave work earlier to make sure I was able to get my mail. Then what happened was that once the postal worker got to know you and other teachers, other people could pick up your mail and bring it to you. So, not only was I able to change that one aspect but it also fixed itself in the long run. 

As a teacher, I reflect and make changes all the time. Sometimes, it's in the moment. Like my kids are looking at me blankly, so I need to change my wording, or give another example. Sometimes, it takes more planning and brainstorming. 

If there is something that I can do to improve a situation, then I want to find the solution and implement it. 

hint....

It's harder when the problem is bigger than you or that there seems to be nothing that I can do to change anything. I hate feeling helpless. Or when the solution involves me confronting someone that I don't trust. 

And last week, some of those bigger problems hit me head on. Oh, they've been there...growing....festering...until they exploded and brought me down. I was feeling completely overwhelmed and that things were getting out of control. 

Ironically, other issues I have been working on were improving. In many ways, things overall were getting better. But there are some toxic elements in my life right now that I just can't get under control. 

Fortunately, one of my coworkers saw me out of sorts and came to check in on me. Instead of pretending that I was fine, I decided to be honest. No, I was not fine. And I told her what I was feeling. 

Sometimes, we all need help. We can't function in isolation. It helps to have someone looking at a bigger picture when you are just focusing on the details. I felt ten times better and thought things were looking up.

Until the next day, when a misunderstanding about a parent complaint left me feeling crushed. Turns out, it wasn't even a complaint and I wasn't even the teacher it was directed at in the first place.  

But the damage was done. 

Ka'anapali Beach 2010

I texted a friend/coworker that something had happened and she came to check in on me. She helped talk me off the ledge of my career, so to speak, and calmed me down. But I had told her, "I just want to take some time off and sit on a beach for a couple of days. Maybe I should just, like, go to Hawaii."

I had reached out to my friends and feeling like I just need to weather the storm but I would be okay.

Then the day after that changed things for me.

On the third day of darkness, my credit card company (I have the Alaskan Airlines card) emailed me to let me know that I had earned a free ticket to Hawaii. 

I mean, it was just a ticket TO Hawaii, I'd have to get my own ticket back, and hotel, and rent a car and everything....

But as my friend said, "You just said yesterday that you should just go to Hawaii! Normally, I'd say save your money but not this time. You HAVE to go!"

So, to make a long story short (haha), I'm going to Maui for Spring Break!

I'm going to Hawaii!!

My sister-in-law is coming with me. I'm not renting a car because I am literally going to do nothing but sit on a beach for two days straight. (I have travel days, don't worry.) I'm not going to check out the sights. 

I've been to Maui before. I'm staying at a great hotel, in a great location (walking distance to stores & restaurants, etc) and for a good price. I'm going to rent a cabana and take naps on the beach, maybe reread a favorite book, and connect with the Earth. 

The universe is really listening. This is one of those times.