Transformation Commencing

Now that my insides are on a better to a more healthy lifestyle, I'd like my outside to start on that journey as well. 

And I want to ride a camel.

That sounds weird. 

This summer, one of my stops is in Morocco and I have an opportunity to ride a camel at sunset on the Moroccan desert. Camels are treated better than other tourist stops that involve animals and in fact, there is a group that can certify to the care and treatment of the camel, so having researched the animal's right of riding a camel and coming in the clear. I want to ride a camel at sunset in the Moroccan desert. 

But I'm a B-I-G woman. I feel that at this weight, me riding a camel would NOT be fair to that poor camel. 

So my goal is to lose weight.

Don't get me wrong, I love my curves and I in no way want to be Instagram model skinny. But I'm a little closer to 300 pounds than I care to be.

Over the years, I've done Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, tracked my food with My Fitness Pal and I haven't seen much success. 

Then one of my co-worker's started posting about her success. She lost something like 70 pounds in 20 weeks. 

It's a medically supervised weight loss program where you use meal replacements on a very strict daily calorie intake for 17 weeks. So it's pretty much a liquid diet. It's very intense where you constantly get checked by a doctor to make sure your body is handling everything okay. You meet for a class with your support group once a week and take classes for over a year in a behavior modification program focusing on healthy eating habits and exercise.

I heard about this program and instantly thought, "There's no way I would do that!" I mean, give up food? My soda? Candy bars? Fast food.....wait a minute....I was seeing a connection here.... 

But this program seemed too much. I even referred to it as "medically supervised anorexia". 

I even thought about my previous efforts and how I cheat all the time. I have sabotaged every effort I had ever made to lose weight.

And I have never done anything so restrictive.....I never restrict myself and food.....wait....oh dammit!

Doing this program would be hard and kinda of crazy. I'd need support....which I have and now that I was in a better head space, I knew I could absolutely do this. 

I don't avoid things simply because I've never tried it before. In fact, I make a point whenever I find myself using that as an excuse not to do something, I will stop and consider it. 

So I applied to the program. I got blood work and an EKG done just to see if I was healthy enough to attempt this. I got the okay and my doctor thinks I'd be a good candidate for it actually. She's expecting me to lose 70-80 pounds by my trip this summer. 

This week I am cleaning out cupboards, and preparing myself for the next few weeks. Next week, I start the meal replacements. My hair might start thinning due to rapid weight loss, my breath might smell from the shakes (I'm allowed sugar free gum & mints), I can still drink tea (I'm not a coffee drinker), but I might feel woozy the first few days, I might not be my happy self right away....parts of it might really suck.

But it's not surgery, and my hair would grow back.

I picture this like Andy Dufresne from Shawshank Redemption when he's going through the tunnel of filth and "came out clean the other end". 

Oh, I'll still be big, but so much lighter, in so many ways.

I freaking love the Shawshank Redemption. I've mentioned it several times on my blog before but I hate to leave something gross from it here....so I'll end with another quote that fits this moment, right now and somehow sums it up for me:

I find I'm so excited that I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel. A free man at a start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope.