I Just Want to Stuff My Face

Dakota a few months old

I'm on Week 8 and still haven't cheated on my medically supervised liquid diet. I'm at the halfway point. I've lost 25 pounds so far and I'm wearing a smaller size now.

Staying on this program is hard, especially when you are an emotional eater. 

Today, my dog, Dakota, one of my favorite creatures on the planet, was diagnosed with hip dysplasia and arthritis. It's by no means a death sentence but I'm now dealing with the fact that my dog, my copilot, is nearing the end of his cycle. He's not really my "grumpy old man dog" and is more my .... well, I don't have cute nickname for this phase yet. 

Being confronted with the idea of my dog's mortality (and keep in mind that I am a childless spinster, so my pets ARE my babies) has really bummed me out.

And I just want to eat some food that I love and comfort myself.

Getting brushed out

A part of me is saying, "Hey - you got bad news today, you need a little pick me up. You deserve this. No one would blame you."

And maybe you wouldn't. Maybe me getting Taco Bell right now would be totally justified to you. And I thank you.

But the thing is, when my emotional eating was out of control, I ALWAYS felt justified in improving my mood with food. Had a bad day? Try a little McDonald's for a pick me up! Had a good day? Celebrate with McDonald's!

I always told myself that I deserved comfort food.

And then I'd feel guilty for eating it. Or honestly, most of the time, I didn't. I just picked a new date to start my diet and never notice that I was eating fast food pretty much every day. 

He's so beautiful!

My new emotion to feed was being tired. I was too tired to cook dinner which turned into I was too tired to even heat up a diet dinner. 

Tired is not even a real emotion!

So here I sit with some really bad emotions....but kinda not really. Dakota is not suffering, he also hurt is leg chasing the cat this morning. So yes, he's struggling but he's okay. We started him on pain meds and started injections. So it's hard to see him limping but I'm not making any quality of life decisions.

So yes, I'm bummed out. But jumping on here to type up my feelings instead of feeding them feels like a healthier option to me. Dakota is lying down on the porch right now, one of his favorite pastimes, otherwise, I'd be snuggling him right now. 

I see now that there's always going to be a reason to break my food plan. And when I go back to eating regular food again, there will be things that come up that upset me. I'm trying to learn how to handle those moments. 

He loves shredding boxes

I don't need to feed my face. But I also want to allow moments to enjoy certain foods. What I really want is balance. So my question is: how do I balance those moments when I want comfort food with maintaining a healthy lifestyle? 

Do I always say no like I am doing today? Eat some mac & cheese but not the whole container? Eat some ice cream and then go for a walk? Tell myself it's not on my food plan but I if still want some later make it part of the plan?

What do healthy people do? (Notice I didn't put a shape or size on that question because I'm learning that your size does not equate healthy or unhealthy. I was one of the healthiest morbidly obese people I've ever met and I've met plenty of unhealthy skinny people.)

I'm still learning and still staying true to my food plan.

Yay me, I guess.

He's King of the Mountain!!