The Universe Has Spoken.....

People have often asked me what led to my moving to Alaska for 3 years. There's an explination that I normally give but the truth is a little more in depth. Yes, the economy and possibly losing my job was part of that but there's a bigger picture, maybe even a simpler answer: something wasn't working for me, so I had to change it. (In this case, the Californian economy and my personal life.)

Selfie in Akiak, AK

See, if something isn't working in my life, I can't just ignore it or wallow in it. I have to try to change it (okay, this does not apply to my weight, that is a code I can't crack just yet). I am not one to sit around and let things continue to be difficult. I have to reflect on what isn't working and is there something that I can do to change it.

Sometimes, the change has to be big, like it's time to move on, or the change might be something more subtle. When I first moved to Alaska, village life wasn't working for me. I didn't want to quit but I knew I had to make some changes, so I made a list of everything that was bothering me. Then next to that list, I brainstormed some things that I could do to help make it better. A simple thing was that I was frustrated that I wasn't getting my mail. So, I decided to make it a priority to leave work earlier to make sure I was able to get my mail. Then what happened was that once the postal worker got to know you and other teachers, other people could pick up your mail and bring it to you. So, not only was I able to change that one aspect but it also fixed itself in the long run. 

As a teacher, I reflect and make changes all the time. Sometimes, it's in the moment. Like my kids are looking at me blankly, so I need to change my wording, or give another example. Sometimes, it takes more planning and brainstorming. 

If there is something that I can do to improve a situation, then I want to find the solution and implement it. 

hint....

It's harder when the problem is bigger than you or that there seems to be nothing that I can do to change anything. I hate feeling helpless. Or when the solution involves me confronting someone that I don't trust. 

And last week, some of those bigger problems hit me head on. Oh, they've been there...growing....festering...until they exploded and brought me down. I was feeling completely overwhelmed and that things were getting out of control. 

Ironically, other issues I have been working on were improving. In many ways, things overall were getting better. But there are some toxic elements in my life right now that I just can't get under control. 

Fortunately, one of my coworkers saw me out of sorts and came to check in on me. Instead of pretending that I was fine, I decided to be honest. No, I was not fine. And I told her what I was feeling. 

Sometimes, we all need help. We can't function in isolation. It helps to have someone looking at a bigger picture when you are just focusing on the details. I felt ten times better and thought things were looking up.

Until the next day, when a misunderstanding about a parent complaint left me feeling crushed. Turns out, it wasn't even a complaint and I wasn't even the teacher it was directed at in the first place.  

But the damage was done. 

Ka'anapali Beach 2010

I texted a friend/coworker that something had happened and she came to check in on me. She helped talk me off the ledge of my career, so to speak, and calmed me down. But I had told her, "I just want to take some time off and sit on a beach for a couple of days. Maybe I should just, like, go to Hawaii."

I had reached out to my friends and feeling like I just need to weather the storm but I would be okay.

Then the day after that changed things for me.

On the third day of darkness, my credit card company (I have the Alaskan Airlines card) emailed me to let me know that I had earned a free ticket to Hawaii. 

I mean, it was just a ticket TO Hawaii, I'd have to get my own ticket back, and hotel, and rent a car and everything....

But as my friend said, "You just said yesterday that you should just go to Hawaii! Normally, I'd say save your money but not this time. You HAVE to go!"

So, to make a long story short (haha), I'm going to Maui for Spring Break!

I'm going to Hawaii!!

My sister-in-law is coming with me. I'm not renting a car because I am literally going to do nothing but sit on a beach for two days straight. (I have travel days, don't worry.) I'm not going to check out the sights. 

I've been to Maui before. I'm staying at a great hotel, in a great location (walking distance to stores & restaurants, etc) and for a good price. I'm going to rent a cabana and take naps on the beach, maybe reread a favorite book, and connect with the Earth. 

The universe is really listening. This is one of those times.

Red Light District in Paris

It may surprise some of you to know this, but it takes a lot to shock me. Especially around the more adult topic of relationships....and the physical side of that.

I'm pretty open minded and if it's not my thing, and everyone is consenting and of age, good on ya. 

There was one museum in Reyjakvik, Iceland dedicated to the male organ and has over 200 specimens from different land and sea mammals. If you are interested, click here for more information.  

I was not interested in going there. I don't like medical stuff and that was just too much for me. So, that's my ewwww level...parts in jars.

But other than that, I seem to be pretty open minded. When I found out that my hotel in Paris (July 2006 trip) was in the red light district, down the street from the Moulin Rouge, I was so excited! 



How iconic!

I was also down the street from Le Chat Noir (that famous cat poster) and the Museum of Eroticism. 

First of all, it's the former red light district...it wasn't even all that seedy anymore, not since Starbucks bought out the adult video store. I mean, there were a couple of risque storefronts but aside from the iconic landmarks, it was pretty tame. There's even a graveyard right next to the hotel I was staying at. 

But it was such a fun neighborhood! 

My tour guide, Pascal, made a joke about the Erotic Museum and some people were like, "We should go!" tee hee.

Now, I hadn't been to any museums in Paris, so instead of going to see classic art, I thought it'd be funny if the only museum I went to was the adult museum. 

So I went by myself. 

It was 7 stories laid out by time. They had some really old carvings from the bronze age, paintings from every century, porn movies from the silent era playing, and pictures from the invention of the camera to modern times. They also had different machines from like hundreds of years old to modern as well. 

I was allowed to take pictures but I only had my phone and I didn't want my little niece or my mother scrolling through my phone and seeing something traumatizing. 

I went level to level, trying to maintain a dignified scholarly air because I'm above such childish behavior as jaw drops, snorts, and shouts of "WHAT!?!" 

I tried to be friendly to the other patrons but there was a strict sense of DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT that everyone seemed to adhere to. 

Which was a shame because the experience was so different than I expected and I would have loved to share what I was seeing. 

That museum made it so clear that as soon as some people could carve, draw, paint, or take pictures....they had one thing on their mind. And it was all connected...the human spirit...the need for connections and passion....I was looking at things older than Paris itself and it could have been carved yesterday. There was some kink but really it was mostly just your normal acts of passion.

There was no shame in any of the displays and maybe that what was different as well. It was "this is what we do behind closed doors." This is what we cover up. This has been going on for thousands of years and as long as the human race keeps going, so will this. 

It was like 7 levels of the endurance of the human spirit...

I don't know what I expected walking in but I walked out thinking it was such a cool experience. It was almost like a spiritual experience feeling so connected to people from the past. 

Since researching the museum for this post, I have found out that the Musee de l'Erotisme has closed it's doors last year due to lack of attendees. Tourism was down to the recent terrorist attacks in Paris and the museum never recovered. They cited it as a lack of desire... 

I guess I'll just have to go the Louvre like everyone else this time.

Ruark Retreat ~ Mariposa

Dakota wearing my brother's hat

One thing I've learned in my adventures, especially when I was living in Alaska, that you can plan on doing something, and mother nature will have other plans. 

I wanted to go away on a snow trip with my dog. Dakota is a snow dog and he loves the snow. So, I mentioned this to my sister-in-law and the idea took off. We found a place, changed locations, found a new place (on AirBnb), and then kind of forgot about our trip. Since it was a three bedroom house, we invited my baby brother and his girlfriend, making it a sibling trip, with my dog. Since I don't spend a lot of time with my baby brother, I was looking forward to all of us being together. 

About a week before the date of the trip, I had a massive realization, it hasn't been snowing. The East Coast was getting slammed with massive storms, but here in Northern California, it hadn't been raining much, much less snowing in higher elevations. 

So my snow trip was not going to happen.

But we choose to still go. My sister-in-law was going to do all the cooking and we were going to bring board games and just all chill together. My niece, who is one of my favorite people on the planet, was going to be there and they were going to bring their dog since their dog sitter fell through. 

He has no legs!

We all arrived and our weekend began. My brother read aloud "A Die Hard Christmas", we all wrote up our personal lists of our Top Ten Villains of All Time. It was raining and so we stayed in the next day, took naps, then they played an epic game of Monopoly for six hours while I read for a bit, watched "What We Do In The Shadows" and then "Spiderman: Homecoming". 

Sunday morning was a bit stressful, since my brother's dog Rue had to be rushed to the vet because her face started swelling and they weren't sure why. Turns out, she was having an allergic reaction to something up there and ended up being just fine, but they had to leave early and my niece stayed with me and my brother and his girlfriend and I finished cleaning up the house and drove home. 

While it was an amazing bonding experience and getaway for my siblings and myself, I debated even writing about this because it wasn't a huge adventure BUT there was an element that will change my adventures in the future.

And that would be Dakota.

It became painfully obvious to me that Dakota does not like traveling. He was anxious and needy the entire weekend (not eating or sleeping much) and kept going to the door not because he wanted to go outside but because he wanted to go home. 

I knew he did that when I take him over to my mother's house and even sometimes my brother's house but I didn't realize he'll be okay for a couple of hours and then he wants to go back home.  I thought it was funny and cute until I put it together that he's very much a homebody and doesn't like long trips away and certainly not overnight trips. 

So this changes how I travel with him. When I leave for a weekend conference, I normally drop him off somewhere but I think I'm going to just hire someone to check on him and let him out, feed him, etc. I'm no longer going to worry about him for a short trip. 

Dakota all snuggled at home

I'm still going to have him stay with someone for my big trips because that's just too long to be by himself with just a kitty for companionship. 

But for me, I have to ask myself: do I even want to take him with me in the future? 

If I ever take out my teardrop trailer....maybe. 

A road trip, yes, he's coming with me....for safety and it's not the same thing as staying put. I think he does okay if we are moving and changing locations. 

But if we do a weekend like this again, no.....I don't think he'd like it and I think he'd prefer to stay home.

Thoughts? I'd love to hear your insights about this.

2017 ~ The Reflection

As it's the last night of 2017, I'd thought it'd be fitting to reflect on my adventures this year. If you meet me in person, and you me what I've been up to, my first response is, "Nothing much. I'm pretty boring."

Yeah, have I mentioned that I'm a total introvert and mostly socialize with different online communities?

Sleeping Beauty's Castle, Disneyland

Because really, 2017 had some good adventures. Here's a look back at this year:

*Disneyland ~ I spent my 40th birthday with my family in Disneyland. I wasn't expecting my family to join me but we were all heading down to LA for a family thing, so it just worked out that way. I was thrilled to enter my 40s walking through Sleeping Beauty's castle (one of my favorite places on the planet) with one of my favorite people on the planet (my niece) at my side. Ah-maze-ing.

*Snow day at Donner Lake ~ my brother, his wife, my niece, and my giant snow dog and I took my CRV up to spend the day in the snow. We walked around, took pictures, threw snowballs, Dakota took a snow bath, and had a picnic in my car. As we left, it started snowing...which turned into a storm that left one of my friends stranded right by where we were. We, however, beat the storm and had arrived safely at home by that time. 

Dakota giving himself a snow bath

*Field Trips ~ I went on two overnight field trips this year. I went to Fort Ross, California for an overnight trip with another 4th grade class. I had just decided to change grades and thought it would be a good idea to check it out. It was because I'm not going back again. But I also went to Coloma, Ca (which you can read about here) and that was a good trip. It was a 2 night trip but totally worth it.  

*Conferences ~ I went to one incredible conference and one that I didn't need to attend. The one that I didn't need to go to was about cochlear implants at Stanford University. It was a good conference but not for a 4th grade teacher. The conference was designed for parents who are just starting the journey of getting implants and what to expect in the coming years. Most of the children are under the age of 4 and it just didn't work for me. And even the sessions lead by the doctors didn't teach me anything. One doctor said, "Well, everyone here knows this part, so for the sake of time, let's move on." And I was the only person in the room who had no clue what he was talking about.

Halls of Stanford University

The other conference I attended was incredible and truly deserves it's own post because this conference took place at Columbia University in New York City. It was not only a great conference that I got so much out of but it was also an incredible adventure in the city with my sister-in-law. 

*New grade level ~ Changing what grade level I teach (kindergarten to 4th grade) has been a huge adventure. New curriculum, new classroom, new age group, and new teaching hours for me. I'm liking it a lot, it's not easy but I'm finding that I'm loving a lot about it. K was hard to teach. I had to teach how to be a student and then the foundation of reading, writing, and math. Now, we dive into deeper levels with all that stuff. The math was a little tricky but I think it's going okay. 

Alice in Wonderland statue in Central Park, NYC

*Books, books, and more books ~ This year, I read a ton of books! Okay, yes I'm introverted but I still do things. I spend time with my family, I walk my dog, I even went to the gym in 2017 (more than once!) but one thing I did was I stopped watching TV. I caught up on all my shows over the summer. I made a point to watch Game of Thrones and Last Week Tonight but other than that, I'll watch Youtube videos for a bit and then I read. And I read more than one book at a time (they have to be different genres so I can keep them straight) and BAM! I read over 100 books. Goodreads says I read 111 books but I DNFed (did not finish) 7 books and reread 3 books....so really, I read 107 books this year. I count audiobooks, children's chapter books, and graphic novels as books I've read because I just do. When I was working out, I was listening to an audiobook. Any road trips? I've got an audiobook. I even read with my students during our library time (that's when I read the chapter books) so my students will see me reading and I can keep up with the new level books that my students read. 

Some things to look forward to in 2018:

I've got my trip to Europe which I have blogged about in great detail here and here. I'm hoping for another Disneyland trip but I haven't planned one out. I'll be going to Coloma again at the end of 2018. I'd like to take my teardrop trailer out this year but I discovered that I don't like camping so maybe I'll just sell it. I dunno. 

I plan on continuing on my weight loss journey although my focus will be on getting in shape to handle all the walking I will be doing this summer. I do need to lose weight for 2019 because I'm going on a desert camel ride in Morocco and that would be cruel to the camel. 

I'm setting my reading goal at 100 books. I don't know if I'll make that but I can try.

I'm leaving the negative from 2017 behind and taking with me the good. Just as it should be. 

Happy New Year!

Booked My Flights Today!!

I'm so excited!

My flights to Europe are booked! (Go Ahead Tours booked them for me!)

I'll be flying out directly from San Francisco to Paris. 

I had wanted to fly out of Sacramento because not only is the airport nicer and less crowded, it's also so much easier to get there and back. San Francisco takes twice as long to get home than to get there with all the crazy Bay Area traffic. Finding someone who's willing to drive you is a lot to ask for.

However, the only flight to Paris that I could get for that day was to fly me from Sacramento to San Francisco and then to Paris. Now, that's just silly. My Go Ahead Tour contact and I decided to just fly out of SF. BART (Bay Area's subway) goes directly to SFO, so I am planning on taking that to the airport so I won't be hassled with needing a ride. I won't have much luggage, so that won't be too annoying. 

My flight home is gonna be an adventure!

I'm flying out of Vienna 11 days later. I'm flying to Zurich, Switzerland for a 4 hour layover to San Francisco. 

I have no problem spending 4 hours in Switzerland! I will buy a magnet from there for sure. My flight looks like it's going to be 3 hours with all the time zone changes. 

I figure I'll take Lyft to get home or take BART home again. I'm not sure what would be better. BART would be crowded but it would avoid the traffic and maybe be quicker. And after all the flying around the world, maybe I want to just get on a train and sit for an hour. I can do that. 

I am so excited. Booking flights is one step closer to going. My trip is almost all paid off and in a few months, they will book the hotels for me. My last trip had very nice hotels, nothing fancy but still very nice and with some great locations. 

I have a referral link if you are interested in checking out Go Ahead Tours for any trips in your future. Clicking on that link will give you $100 from Go Ahead to put on your trip with them and I get credits to use on my next tour!

I hope everyone had a great holiday and I'll see you in the next post!

I'll Just Sit Here and Get Comfy....

I promised weekly updates and by god, you're going to get weekly updates.

I'm not in the mood to write about my adventures though. I saw the new Star Wars movie last night and I thought about talking about my adventures with Star Wars but even that leaves something to be desired. And really, I haven't had any REAL Star Wars adventures. They do have a Star Wars cruise with the Disney Cruise Lines but Star Wars commercialized to that level may not work for me.

I lit my candles and decided to write. And then it hit me: I'll write a quick post about Hygge.

What is Hygge? Well, check out the picture below. It's cool, I'll wait.

Sounds awesome, right (It's a Danish concept)? Connecting with friends and family more, being comfy by a roaring fire (or in my case, candles. I even have some fake ones kitty level for safety), and just being more mindful. 

My journey started a few weeks ago, although I often curl up with a comforter and a book. My sister-in-love told me about it. I pintrested it and the rest was history. 

I started decluttering my house, bringing out my candles and scent warmers. Looking around my house now, I see the flickering glow of candle light, the soft pink glow from my Himalayan Salt Lamp, and the outline of a moose in my Scentsy warmer. I've got my books next to me, ready to start reading, and a kitty curled up next to me on the comforter I have wrapped around my legs. My giant dog is stretched out on the carpet before me, ready to take a snooze. I'll start some tea soon after I finish this post. 

Visiting my brother's house yesterday, we talked and laughed without our devices. I think being screen free is a huge part of connecting face to face. How many of us talk over screens while we multitask, severing a connection with one another? Their house already exudes some Hygge qualities: they connect over board/card games (Exploding Kittens is a house fave) and they read together sharing a hot beverage. 

I find that my creating more moments of comfort has decreased my stress and helped me fall asleep easier at night. I feel more relaxed and my home feels more calming. I also think it's important to not take what we have for granted. Yes, it's fun to see new places but it's also fun to come home and just breathe. 

During the school year, I like to stay at home. I take staycations during my breaks. And that's fun for me, especially now that my house is all comfy. 

What do you think of Hygge? Are there some things you do already? Or something you might try?

Some ideas to try

Coloma, California

Today is my recovery day after a 3 day, 2 night field trip with 73 4th graders. I'm not going to get into the teacher aspect of the field trip (not the hours planning, gathering permission & medical forms, the shopping, the prepping, or the calling homes of bad behaviors & sick kids needing to leave early, nor my frustrations as what I felt as an educator) but I would focus on the adventure side of it. 

I'm not going to go into the program much because do you really need to know that I sat through meetings and half hour lessons? No, unless you want information on the program itself, then by all means visit Coloma Outdoor Discovery School (which is a great program and if you are a teacher, please consider attending). 

American River

My grandparents lived up in gold country for a while, but that's the extent of my experience with it. I learned about the California Gold Rush in school but that's about it.

Sometimes, we take our own backyards for granted. I've been to San Francisco a bunch of times, Sacramento & LA too. Because places like that are close by, it doesn't seem like a big deal to go there, but for someone who isn't from this area of California, it is a big deal. 

So today, my adventure will be about Coloma, which is a 2 hour bus ride away, in between Placerville (aka Hangtown) and Sacramento.

original location

If you aren't familiar with the history of the California Gold Rush, here it is in a nutshell: John Sutter set up Sutter's Mill in Coloma and while there James Marshall was in the American River, saw something, reached down and pulled out a gold nugget in 1848. Word spread (President Polk said to go check it out) and people flocked to California in the thousands hoping to strike it rich in 1849 (hence the 49ers). Mostly, they didn't. It was lawless and dangerous. The native people and the environment suffered as well.

So, onto Coloma today.

You can visit the original site of Sutter's Mill in a park that was established to preserve the history and the area. Sites offer troughs of river water and silt to go gold panning and you can still find gold in the river, however don't get too excited, it's not going to make you rich or pad your wallets.

mountain lion prints

My first day there, I spent at the camp. There are bunkhouses for the students and parent chaperones and cabins for the teachers. It's located right on the river. You have to cross a narrow bridge that is only room for pedestrians and one car. The bridge was built in the 1930s and while the cement was drying, a mountain lion decided to take a look around and left it's paw prints behind for us to see almost 90 years later. 

The program for the children was great, they baked corn bread over a fire, panned for gold and we ended the night with a hoe-down. The temperature had dropped around 40 degrees and I hadn't been cold like that in a while. I should say chilled because I had my Akiak jacket and was warm enough but my face was cold.

spot on the river

Despite my knowing the schedule, I didn't know what to expect as far as everything else. Sure, on paper I could tell you about it but having never been there, the vibe caught me by surprise. It reminded me of my time in Alaska, showing up for a training and having to check out my surroundings, being totally out of my element...which actually feels like my element now. The excitement, the unknown, the nature....I felt totally comfortable and ready to enjoy myself. 

I had to share a cabin with another teacher. I let her have the bedroom and I took the futon in the living room. It was cold but I had brought my Alaskan sleeping bag, which is normally too hot for me, and a comforter. I spread open my sleeping bag as a base and slept with the comforter. I was cozy and warm the whole trip. Score!

we're hikin'!

The second day was the big hiking day. Breakfast was cold! Some kids chose to go gold panning despite their fingers going numb. I decided to wait. There are all these places to check out in the valley, including a museum. I missed out on the valley stuff because of a sick student who needed my care (no complaints, that's part of my job and I'd rather I be there with my student than someone else) but I caught up to a group to hike up to the ridge.

I need to take a moment to talk about how people label hikes. This hike was labeled "moderate". It was heavily suggested that I go on this hike. Moderate to a plus size person should be taken as "difficult" because it was a difficult hike for me and for one other asthmatic student who attempted it. The inclines were steep in some parts and even going downhill hurt my toes. The view was truly impressive but honestly, I expected my breath to be taken away, and it was, just not from the view...more the getting there.

Granted, the pace was set up for children so there were many breaks. Just when I thought I was going to legit have a heart attack on that trail, the group stopped and I had a chance to catch my breath. Luckily, one of the dads in my group was a paramedic so I figured he'd step in and help me in case I got in really bad shape. He ended up helping the asthmatic who was struggling. I was glad he was there.

stairs in a forest

Moderate my ass.

I didn't break down. The students helped me, even if they never knew it. Because it wasn't easy for them either. Or weird things would happen like dropping a water bottle and it shattering so I would share my water with them, or being terrified of getting a tick or touching poison oak. I couldn't break down, they needed me.

So I carried on. I completed the hike and wanted to take a huge moment for myself when it was done but the naturalist was still teaching the kids and they needed to listen to her. Me chanting, "I DID IT! I DID IT!" wasn't appropriate.

By the way, the naturalists working with the children were phenomenal. Seriously top notch.

After dinner, we got to listen to a Native American speaker who was amazing. 

It wasn't as cold the second night but we were all exhausted so maybe we were too tired to feel the chill.

panning for gold

I tried my hand at panning for gold the next morning. My hands got cold (mostly my thumbs) and I didn't find anything. The kids were having a blast, many children I didn't know were coming up to me to correct my technique and show me how it's really done. Next year, I'm going to bring a gold necklace and throw it in my pan saying, "Look what I found!!" Instead, I announced that I couldn't find any gold and that the gold rush was officially over. One of the dads gave me a pretty good sized nugget he found and as I was transferring it to a student, I dropped it, never to be found again, much to the horror of the surrounding children. But let's face it, that's so typical of something I would do.

You'd think a 2 hour bus ride would be horrible but both rides went by pretty quickly and my students were really well behaved on the bus. 

It was quite the adventure. If I teach 4th grade again next year (and there's no reason to think I won't be) I think I'll avoid the hike and play around more in the valley. But overall, it was a very successful field trip and adventure. 

Miss Ruark at the top of the ridge