Destination: Emergency Room

Before I begin my dramatic (more like traumatic) tale, there are two things you have to know about me. 1) I don't like showing public emotion other than crying at a movie or book. That's fine, but I don't like people to see me upset about me. I don't do it. 2) I will most likely never tell you just how sick I am, until I'm not that sick anymore. It's more like a confidence in my eyes you knowing just how sick I am at that moment. I don't know why I do that, I just do. I am telling all this so you will understand why no one in Akiak knew just how sick I had gotten - not even my roommate.

Last weekend, I woke up and was having some sinus problems. More like, I felt like I was punched in the sinuses. I stayed in bed all day that Saturday and felt much better on Sunday. By the start of the work week, I felt fine.

On Saturday, I woke up feeling sick again. But I couldn't pinpoint exactly how I felt sick. So I decided to not waste two Saturdays in a row being sick. So I decided to not act sick. I took a walk on the riverbank, I washed dishes, we had a very nice movie marathon going...whatever. But I kept feeling worse and worse. By that night I was feverish.....I'll not go into all the details but by the end of the weekend it was very clear that I had either strep throat or tonsillitis. Either way, work was not going to happen on Monday. So I walked to the school, lysoled my classroom & got my lesson plans ready for Monday. I was sick but I was doing all the home remedies in my Healthwise Handbook and I was okay. Well, sorta okay. My appetite had disappeared. I just wasn't hungry - a first for me. But I looked at that as just a perk and moved on.

By Monday, I was starting to suspect those home remedies were a hoax. I mean gargling with warm salt water, using saline spray, lots of fluids....I wasn't feeling any better, in fact I felt worse! (Totally joking about the remedies being bunk by the way.) The problem was that swallowing was getting to be very painful. I didn't get much sleep either. I was in too much pain.

I called the clinic and got an appointment for later that day. So here was my issues: couldn't sleep, now I couldn't eat even if I wanted to, and it was starting to hurt to much to drink. I could drink tea but only at a temperature that would burn my esophagus. This was getting bad. So I would force down a couple of sips. I froze my vitamin water to make a kind of slushie & that helped but I couldn't take a lot. But I had my appointment, I just had to get through until then.

My appointment time came (thank goodness!!!) and I was miserable. I could no longer talk or even open my mouth, my tonsils were so swollen. I was barely hanging on. I knew the drill. They would see me, I would get a very painful from what I hear tell shot of penicillin and be on my merry way, feeling better sometime soon. That's not what happened. They did a strep culture right there and it was positive. Great! Gimme my shot. "Wait....Let me just see something." And she felt my jaw. She told me she was concerned because my tonsils were almost touching. So she calls the doctor in Bethel. This next question almost made me burst into tears: "Do you have a way into Bethel?"

Am I that sick? Where's my god awful shot? Aren't you just going to give me the shot? (In your bottom no less).

Bottom line: The doctor and the Health Aide suspect that there might be more than just strep. They suspect an abscess, which I didn't know what that was but frankly I hurt too much to ask.

I was given the number of the guy in Akiak who arranges flights and got myself booked on the next flight to Bethel. Well, okay...that was easy. ($150) (Don't worry - medical insurance covers travel expenses here.)

They didn't treat the strep but they did give me Tylenol with Codeine. I was feeling no pain for the next few hours, let me tell you. That's when I spoke to my coworkers. Which is another reason none of them knew how sick I was. They saw me on pain meds. But I totally left without writing lesson plans. I had never, ever done that before. That should have been a huge red flag to anyone who knows me....I may be sick, but I always cover my responsibilities at work.

I'll have to admit....I think Alaska was trying to make me feel better...cause here's what I saw on my flight: 4 moose, 3 caribou, 5 huge beaver dams, and 2 hunters on the tundra. And it was snowing in Bethel. Maybe I should have rethought the flannel pj's but I had a warm coat & my snow boots, so whatever.

I was told to go to the ER and my information would be faxed over waiting for me to get there. It wasn't. No biggie. Except that the triage nurse did not understand why they sent me here at all. She was rude from the get go. Then she asked me if they treated me in Akiak. When I said no, she said, "Well, why not?" I don't know!! (A colorful word came into my mind, but I'm trying to keep this kid friendly) but seeing as I was still feeling pretty good from my pain med (which I told her I was on), I didn't let Nurse Ratchet get me down. She said she didn't see anything odd & kinda rolled her eyes. But she told me to let her know if my situation changes.

The ER waiting room had one thing going for it. The History Channel was on. Time flies when you sit me down in front of TV (which I haven't seen in two months). But after two hours, I notice that my magic pill was starting to wear off. The pain was coming back. Not unbearable, but it was a change in my situation. I informed the chick at the front desk. She told Nurse Ratchet but she wasn't concerned. When I sat down, I noticed it was weird I hadn't needed to go the bathroom yet. But I dismissed it. My saliva was thicker too....okay...I realized I was starting to become dehydrated but I was already in a ER. So I let it go.

Two more hours go by. By now, my pain med has worn off. It was agonizing every time I swallowed. There were only new people in the waiting room. Everyone else had gone in before me. I curse that woman with four hours of extra child labor...I really do. She didn't take my condition seriously and maybe I should have put up more of a fuss. What can I say? Drugs are bad, kids. So here's what I did. I went up the front nurse and burst into tears. Okay, I didn't plan that last part, it just happened to my horror (see things to know about me #1) I told her I can't swallow, I can't drink, I haven't been able to eat, and before I could finish, she was up out of her seat & grabbed a different triage nurse.

Boy, men sure don't like tears. My new nurse was a man. He first thought I was overreacting. He told me he understands I'm stressed and upset. I told him in my most calm, rational, tears pouring out way that I wasn't upset, I was in pain. I told him my sad tale & he read what the other lady had said. He checked my tonsils and then said, "Wait...Let me just see something." And checked again. He gave me some regular Tylenol and after watching me swallow those pills down (I couldn't help it...a high pitch sound of pain escaped) he moved to to the head of the waiting list. See why I curse that woman???

A half hour later, I was in. It was now past midnight. If I wasn't in so much pain, I don't think I would have minded the wait. Cause there was another problem. The planes were no longer flying out. I would have to find a hotel room if I was in and out from this point. I didn't have anywhere to go until morning. But as my mother says, don't borrow trouble, so I decided to cross that bridge when I got there.

I told my story to the doctor who asked me why wasn't I treated in Akiak? Why did they send me here? Oh no, I thought. Well, just give me my shot and I'll be on my way. Then he says, "Wait....Let me just see something." Then I knew it was going to be okay. Because those were magic words by this point. I knew he would see whatever everyone else saw to realize that something else was wrong.

I finally got my shot, which didn't hurt me one bit. See the trick is to already be in far more worse pain and you won't notice the shot. I wasn't expecting the barrage of blood work he ordered or the CAT scan for my throat though. Or the shot of steroids to deflate my tonsils. Or the IV - they found out I was dehydrated. Or the pain meds they put into my IV. Or the second set of antibiotics he had put through my IV. Or the heated blanket they cover you with - heaven!

After a while, I had fallen asleep. The doctor woke me up and asked if I thought I was able to go home. Yeah, sure I said. I was already feeling so much better. Of course I had no where to go, but I overheard the nurses worrying over all the taken beds. The truth was, I was okay now & I didn't want to take up space for someone who needed it. The nurse was worried about me because she knew I wasn't a local and that meant I didn't have anywhere else to go. It was 5:30 in the morning.

I had decided to hang out in the waiting room until the cafeteria opened at 7:30. I called my mom to let her know I was okay. By the way, if you ever want to freak out your family, get really sick 2,000 miles away. Especially your mom. That'll do it. I called my favorite bush airline Renfro Alaskan Adventures (the one with the really cute pilot - but i didn't want to see him today) and got myself a 9:00 flight back home ($200). Yeah, they're more expensive, but they're known to be very good. If I was to be in a bush plane crash, these guys would have the least damage done to the plane and everyone would walk away from it. So I'd feel safer crashing with them. Weird way to look at it, I know, but these guys are awesome pilots.

Man, I was looking so forward to breakfast. I had pancakes, eggs, & fruit. It felt like I hadn't eaten in days....wait, I hadn't. I felt refreshed and so much better. I'm still sick....but I'm only 30% sick.

I made it home safe & sound (thank you Renfro) and have spent the day resting. I am going back to work tomorrow. I plan on taking it easy. I hear it was crazy yesterday....so I think a nice relaxing orderly day tomorrow is in order. I feel kind of guilty that I didn't have any sub plans (I just said, pretty much do the same thing as Monday but in the next chapter in Math), maybe that didn't matter so much since the sub didn't show up anyways. And my kids just went to class like they normally do with no teacher. I have no clue what happened from there.....I imagine it was discovered rather quickly that there was no teacher in the room. I can't decide if it's better that I just don't no how bad today went for them or if it would make a really great story. But man, I can't get sick again - my kids need me!!!

Skin Sewing Class

Well, I went to my first skin sewing class tonight. It's free and they provide the supplies and pelts. I had no idea what to expect...

When my roommate and I got there, there were skins laid out across two tables. And there was a book with ideas in it. Everyone wanted to make baby mukluks (eskimo boots) because it was a good first project.

You would think the former vegetarian in me would be disgusted at the display of furs. But if you knew the story about how I was a little girl, I wore my rabbit fur coat to see 101 Dalmatians, (My mother looked at me & said, "You might not want to wear that coat to this movie.") you would know that my real first instinct in Alaska was "Pretty! And so soft!"

So I chose a beautiful gray & white rabbit pelt. It's so pretty. My mukluks are gonna look awesome!! (I don't know who these mukluks are for though - minor detail.)

I drew my pattern on the underside of the skin and was ready to cut my skin.

Now, you don't use scissors to cut skin. If you do, the fur goes everywhere. So, instead, you use a razor blade. You have to cut the skin gently to make sure you are only cutting skin, not fur. Otherwise, you have a huge mess.

My roommate got the hang of it really quickly. There wasn't a drop of fur around her workspace. So did my co-worker. She only had 3 or 4 tuffs lying on the floor. And none on her.

Me? Absolutely covered in rabbit fur. It was everywhere! Think I'm exaggerating? A couple of kids would come in every once & a while to brush the fur off my pants. The woman sitting next to me was having problems because rabbit fur kept flying up her nose. I had put on chapstick right before I came to the class. BIG MISTAKE.

I guess I hacked into the skin with a tad more gusto than I intended. Whoops.

The sewing part went alright. I had to restart only once because I was sewing with the fur facing the wrong way. I finished one main bootie part & it looks pretty good. Where the fur meets made this really cool white stripe down the back of the boot.

I had a good time. I would have liked it if more women from the village came. I was sewing with coworkers and co worker's wives, all of whom I really like, but I was hoping to interact more with villagers. That time will come, I hope.

Before the class, my roommate and I went walking down by the river. It's freezing over with ice chunks floating by. The bank is all icy now too. I grabbed a rock to try to crack the edge of the ice, but the rock must have been defective, because it landed only two feet in front of me. I'm sure it was the rock. ;) I'm grabbing my camera tomorrow to take some pics.

***CHICKEN MYSTERY UPDATE
So it was a ptarmigan that was laid on my porch. We think this is what happened: there was a bird hanging around the area. Most likely, kids threw rocks at it and killed it. Then they brought it to our house as a gift. Now I feel bad that I didn't keep it. But I didn't know what to do with it!!!!

Weekly Reflections - Week 10

Well, two new teachers have left the district, one from my school and one from another village. They left for different reasons, some of which I'm not privy to. It's kind of weird to think that out of the new teachers some have already left the ranks.

I've gotten some very sweet comments from my friends and family. Mostly telling me to hang in there. But I just want everyone to know, I'm not hanging on. I'm duking it out. My days are hard but satisfying. My kids are tough, but also very sweet and loving. I'm stressed, over worked, tired but I'm making progress. Or I should say, my kids are. They are learning so much, even if it feels like I'm dragging them through their education, kicking and screaming.

I'll be teaching a lesson - AT GRADE LEVEL and my students will be engaged and learning. When we're done I feel this huge sense of accomplishment. I feel like "Yes! Now they will see that learning is fun! I will now give them a life-long love of learning!!!" And that's when one of them will turn to me and ask, "When do we get to go home?"

Wah, wah, waaaaahhhh...

They were just having fun two minutes ago!!! I swear!!!

I've never been any place like here. Some of my second graders swear, once at me. I don't think that will be happening again any time soon. I actually ignored the bait and waited until the student calmed down before we spoke of it. That took a lot of self-control on my part, let me tell you. Some of my kids chew tobacco. (That shocked me.) And some of my kids make references to drugs and alcohol. And some of my kids have stable, loving homes.

These kids see/experience way more than kids should. But I can't change their home lives. I don't even want to go there actually. I didn't come here to judge anyone. To be honest, I really don't know what all happens at home. All I know, is that I came out here to be the best teacher I can be.

I do miss my friends though. And while I have friends here, they are also my co-workers. And there are certain discussions that maybe best left unsaid to coworkers. We talk shop a lot around here. I miss the world outside of Akiak too. I'm either at home or work, home or work. I just need to get out more. Go for walks without dying. I'm looking forward to the snow. There's tons of stuff to do in the snow. Did I mention my school has cross country skis teachers can borrow? And one of my friends said they'd take me out snowmobiling. So there's lots of stuff to do once it snows. It snowed a little but it melted already.

My family had a birthday celebration for my brothers & my step-dad. I wasn't there. I was kinda sad hearing about it. I miss my family too. Well, I'll be with them at Christmas. I come back to visit Christmas Eve actually.

There was ice on the ground Friday. I took it slow. It was my first time walking on ice. Crazy, huh? I slipped a little bit, but otherwise I was fine. I cannot begin to describe how odd it is to be walking to school with a flashlight. It stays darker longer five minutes everyday they say.

Today's sunrise: 9:34 a.m.
Today's sunset: 7:26 p.m.

I think I'll make that a regular feature in my weekly reflections. It's 36 degrees outside.....I think I'm becoming more used to the cold because I was a bit chilly today walking to the school but not really cold. I didn't even wear my gloves or earmuffs. If I was in Benicia, I would be bundled up and complaining!!

Sometimes I stop and ask myself: Is this really my life? How did I get here? From The Disney Store to Akiak.....Who would have thought I'd be here on the Alaska Tundra (okay, the tundra is a mile out, whatever) teaching to a group of Yup'ik Eskimos? I wouldn't trade it......A year teaching here and I'll be able to teach anywhere....not somewhere hot though....I really don't do heat well........or mornings.....

Probably best not to make a list.....

Weekly Reflections - Week 9

I've been trying to reflect on what it's like being a teacher 24/7. My social events are with co-workers and are almost always at the school. I live with my co-worker. My students come to my house to visit me and say hi. I was lying in bed this morning (sleeping in) when one of my students started shouting my name under my window. She just wanted to say hi.

If I had a boyfriend, the whole village would know it. There's no such thing as a private life here.

And the funny thing is, I don't really mind it. It should bother me, always being "on duty" and never having my own life. But honestly, I really didn't have my own life in California anyways. My private life was totally stagnant. People would ask me what was new and aside from what was happening in my classroom, there was never much to tell.

Now, there's no private life to speak of, but my teacher life is completely full.

I had some students over today to bake some cookies. I have a feeling I'll have more visitors next weekend. On Thursday we had Family Math Night. There were over 60 kids & parents at our school playing math games. I had a pattern block table and the kids were really having a great time.

I had to come into work yesterday to get report cards ready. I mostly chitchatted with my coworkers....whoops. So I'm going back today.

My alone time is filled with books, movies, and my music. I don't spend much time on the phone, but I have the internet and facebook to catch up with my friends.

I spent so much time in California thinking there was something wrong with me for not having a private life. So there's a strange sense of contentment in my new life. I'm no longer an unmarried "loser" without a boyfriend. I'm now a teacher living in a remote village with my two cats.

Maybe it should bother me, always being Miss Ruark and never just Lara. But now it seems Miss Ruark is blended more with just Lara. I guess it's like Superman is always Superman, even when he's hiding his identity in Clark Kent.

Besides, the kids call me different things: Miss Ruark, Miss Lara, Miss Lara Ruark, Ruark, and when they really want my attention: R-U-A-R-K!!!! Yeah, I have a student who calls me by spelling my last name. And of course some call me Teacher.

When I think about it....I don't want to be just Lara anyways.....I like being something more.....

Mystery of the Dead Prairie Chicken

Well, I don't know whether to be creeped out or flattered or what.....

So I had to work today, it was a teacher work day. When I came home from work, there were a couple of pieces of candy on the handrail on my porch. I thought some kids must have come by to visit and forgot them. Then I noticed a piece of candy sitting on the door handle. So I figured someone was leaving my roommate and I a little treat.

Later, one of my co-workers called me to ask if he and his family could borrow some movies. I have my fair share of movies. I said sure, come on over....

When I opened my door, Mr. O asks me, "Do dead birds freak you out???" And in the middle of the sentence I had noticed on my porch was in fact a dead bird. A bigger dead bird, mind you, not your garden parakeet sized bird. I think I just said, "Oh my god! I don't know!!"

Someone/something left a dead bird on my porch. It wasn't bloodied or dropping feathers...it was just a dead bird. A tarminac (no clue how to spell it) otherwise like a prairie chicken. Just laying on my porch.

What do I make of it? I don't think it means anything bad, because these birds are hunted...and eaten here. So why waste something you'd eat and leave it in perfect condition to scare someone.

So is it a gift?

Or is it even from a human? Have my bush dog whisper's powers moved from finding puppies to getting presents?

What does this mean? If anything? Does someone like me, what?

Or did a dumb prairie chicken kill itself on my front door? I don't see many of them flying around but it could happen.

Or maybe this has nothing to do with me....I'm not the only woman who lives in this house. So even if it means something bad, it may not be for me.

I just don't know......and it's killing me, this not knowing!!!

Weekly Reflections - Month 2

Well, I've spent two months here in the bush. On Saturday I was able to go to Bethel and I had yummy pizza and went shopping in an actual grocery store!!! It was awesome...freezing but awesome!! The boat ride was a lot of fun. We laughed and told funny stories. I spent quite a bit of money but I really didn't buy anything extravagant, just food. But food out here is very expensive.

There was one point where I was a little worried. They were pushing the boat into the water and told us (my roomie & I) to go ahead and hop on. Not everybody was on yet, in fact we were still missing the "captain". So Mr. O goes to start the boat and nothing happens. Apparently, we were having some issues with the battery. The captain comes down to the riverbank to find her boat drifting off. Mr O is scrambling, trying to fix the issue. And I notice the boat getting further and further away from the shore. Oh, we were heading to Bethel all right...considering Bethel is down river!! But after a few minutes, Mr O starts the boat and we were off!

Coming back was kind of exciting too. Only because we had load the boat down with so many groceries. I alone had 3 boxes & 2 bags.....(for those of you calculating that was about $450 - at least this time I didn't have to pay for shipping!!) Anyways, the boat was riding really low in the water. I was a little nervous. I mean we had the boat totally loaded down!!! But we made it, safe & sound!!

I've also learned that they don't have fiddles at the "fiddling"....they used to but they don't anymore. But they still call it a fiddling. Okay.....

I've been meaning to post sooner, but I was kinda grumpy with my heater broken (again) and it being so hot in my room. I figured no one wants to read a grumpy post. Okay, I kinda like to go back and read what I wrote when I was in a bad mood, but I may be the only one....

I haven't really mentioned my other project I'm working on.....I was lying in bed one night pondering the 30 Day Shred by Jillian Micheal's. She claims that in 30 days, you can totally change your body. And I was wondering if that was true. So I decided to try her workout 3x a week for 30 days...I'm sure that you would have to do her workout everyday to get the results that she claims. But I figure 3 times a week should be more than adequate. So I'm on day 22...the only day I didn't do it according to the plan was the day I went to Bethel. I figured the mile long trek & unloading the heavy boxes off the boat counted as a real life work out. And yes, my pants are baggy but I also started hanging those to dry....so it could be that too. I took my measurements at the beginning so I'll compare them to the end results. But I figured why not give it a try....I've got the time, right?

Life isn't feeling like a huge adventure anymore. Sure, I have to carry a flashlight to walk through the dark woods on my walk to work and I walked under the stars at 8 a.m., but it's not scary. I'm out having fun but I'm not scared. There were two moose walking down the road the night of the fiddling...or so I hear tell. I still have yet to see any. But just to be on the safe side, I'll carry my flashlight.

My house is being lifted...right as I type this actually. Doors are becoming a bit of a problem....my front door won't shut all the way....but I'm really going to like being out of the flood water level. But it's kinda weird hearing people under the house & then all of a sudden the house moves up a half inch. It's a bit bizarre. That's pretty funny. Just wait until I do some jumping jacks & they think the house is going to fall on them!!

This whole experience is so surreal at times. Sometimes I have to remind myself that my experiences are weird. Stop your class because the health people are here to check for lice or give TB tests...I approve of these tests so it doesn't seem like a hardship but there's no notice or head's up really. My lesson plans change at the drop of a hat. Nothing happens according to the plan here. Assemblies, fire drills, etc.....you know they're coming, but you're not sure when. If you can't roll with the punches, you won't last out here. And actually, I like schedules...I like plans, they make me feel better....but I wanted to do something crazy and out there and I boy, did I deliver! I am liking it though. I feel more laid back....class interruption? Whatever......I'll have to finish this another day? Fine....None of my kids have lice? Sweet......You have to check my hair? Ummmmmm.....okay......

I didn't have lice either. :)

Shall We Dance?

So it's really late & I probably should be in bed right now, especially since I have a big day tomorrow. I'm going to Bethel on a boat. It's super cold & I have to really outsmart mother nature with layers, but I'm so excited. Which makes me think that I'll have a lot to write about after tomorrow. But something happened tonight that I wanted to write about. So I figured the time is now!

Tonight was a fundraiser for Search & Rescue involving fiddling. I had no idea what to expect but my students were telling me it's so fun & I can't miss it. And all that for a good cause! There was tons of talk about dancing. So my roommate and I go.

They were setting up the music (which turned out not to be the groups that were supposed to come due to weather) and the kids are running around & everybody's talking about wanting to dance. There's only a couple of adults and the crowd is mostly elementary kids. Let's just say the 1st & 2nd grade teachers were very popular.

A couple of songs are played and the kids are bopping to the music, asking us to dance with them. I'm picturing the type of dance I'm used to. Where you stand around and just move to the music. No problem! Let's go.

I have a group of kindergartners and first graders and we are in a circle holding hands and just dancing. And that's when I look around.....there were several kids dancing around me.....the two step. Yep, kids were in partners dancing to two step.....one fifth grade boy was dancing it beautifully with his third grade partner. They didn't just move to the music...

Now here's where I felt a little funny, I don't know how to two step. But I figured the fifth grade boy would probably show me how.

Who needs a fifth grader when you have a first grader? The other girls in my group ran off and there was just one first grader left. I told her I didn't know the steps and she took my hands and led me through the two step. Have you ever been led in the two step by a first grader? There's a lot of missteps and it felt more like a four step, but it was the cutest thing ever.

My night would have been awesome just for that moment alone.....but there was more to come.

So there's a young lady who is severely mentally handicapped. She's very sweet but she's a lot to take at times.

Well, this young lady had asked me if I'd dance with her earlier in the night. I said yes thinking we'd just stand around and dance. I was feeling uncomfortable dancing the two step with her. I didn't really know the steps, I didn't know if that would be socially okay.....I was just really out of my comfort zone.

But since I said yes, she was counting on it. She waited while I danced with the little girls, she followed me while I helped some people set up for the event, and she sat next to me while I sat down for a bit. But of course, I couldn't disappoint her. Comfort zone or no comfort zone, she'd be heartbroken.

So I tell her, "Okay, ________, let's go." And we are the only two people dancing. I felt like the whole room was watching me while we took hands.

Have you ever seen pure joy radiating from someone? This girl 1) knew how to dance and 2) LOVED it. She was so happy dancing and it shone from her in a way I had never seen. It shone from her smile, her eyes...I mean she just beamed. She kept looking at my roommate so happy. Sweat started running down her face and she just kept on dancing and smiling. She never said a word but just danced around the gym with this huge smile on her face. Even if I stumbled the step, she'd laugh a little and continue on.

I totally forgot about the other people in the room. A couple of the older elementary girls had partnered up and began dancing around us. I felt guilty that I had felt uncomfortable before, because I had never seen such joy dancing. It was a simple step but she threw in a couple of spins just for fun. When the song was over she clapped and went back to sit down....never saying a word.

This night had some moments I'll treasure. I wish I had done a better job of describing her joy. I've seen a lot of dancing, but I've never seen a dance like this. I'm so glad I danced with her. Both my two step partners touched my heart....and taught me a new dance......