On This Last Day of 2010....

Believe me when I say that coming home can be quite an adventure in itself!! Yes, I'm posting from my mother's house in Benicia. And if you are interested in hearing about my journey back to California...then you are going to have to wait some more.

Every year, I like to think about my "resolutions". I put those in quote because I don't make them. I normally think about what I leave in that year. This is my reverse resolutions and say what I'm not going to do anymore. For example, every year I would say I leave smoking behind, only to not quit. In fact, the year that I did actually quit, I hadn't really planned on it. I just wanted to see how long I could go without smoking. Turns out, quite a while. Good to know.

Anyways, this last year was such a whirlwind of change. This time last year, my biggest plans were that I was going to take a trip to Hawaii. That was a huge goal of mine. I could look up my goals, but they are still packed away so too bad for me. The point is, if someone had told me that within a year I would be teaching in a Yup'ik Eskimo village in the middle of the Alaskan Bush, I wouldn't have believed you. I didn't think I had it in me. So there's no way I can say what I'm going to do this year....because honestly, I have no idea what's next. I am planning on staying in the village next year, but it's not up to me.

I'll be honest with you....I've been flying by the seat of my pants since March when I got pink slipped. My decision to go to Anchorage for a job fair was made on a whim. My preparation was well thought out and throughly conducted but every thing else was just a lark. It's almost as if life had grabbed me and taken me along for the ride. All I had to do was say, "Why not?"

It's been incredibly freeing to just let go instead of talking myself out of things like I had done the last decade. Professionally, I was in heaven. Everything was going great. I love teaching and every year I feel I am becoming a better teacher. My hope is to become a great teacher (which I think will take another five years at least). But personally, I was not being true to myself.

I want my life with a little bit of danger thrown in. I want to take the path through the woods instead of the big road. I want to stand outside watching a lunar eclipse on the winter solstice in -2 degrees. I want to notice that there are hundreds more stars behind the constellation Orion. I want to make something work in my life that wasn't working before.

Moving to Alaska was a crazy move. I'll admit it, it's not for everyone. You have to be a little crazy to do it. Like bridge jumping....or sky diving....you just let go. With the proper equipment and preplanning of course.

The Akiak Redemption

This week hasn't been as exciting as most weeks. I was sick on Monday...with the stomach flu. I had a lot of meetings and had a lesson plan party with my roommate and my friend the 3rd grade teacher. I have made some really good friends up here and he's one of them.

Everyday has been below zero temperature wise. I have been layering up or getting rides to work, so it hasn't really bothered me. Yesterday, it was -5 but the windchill factor was -25. When the wind hit my face, damn, it was cold! Please pardon my swearing, but you get hit in the face with a 25 degrees below zero wind and see if you don't swear. It's really that cold. My skin reacted like a sunburn (the little part that was showing)....that starts to peel right away. It was kind of invigorating at the same time. I felt alive in that wind. Like my body had woken up or something. It was interesting. I was glad to get indoors just the same.

In 12 days, I will be heading to California for the holidays. I have some mixed reactions. I'm so excited to see my family & friends again, but I'm leaving my cats, and my Akiak family. My students are not happy I'm leaving. I think they are used to teachers not coming back after winter break. I have been reassuring them and pointing out that my cats are staying and I think that makes them feel better. When I came back on Tuesday after being sick, one of my boys told me that he had missed me. I was deeply touched because this boy is the same boy who hurt his eye and wanted me to stay with him. He had always acted indifferent to me, but here he was telling me he missed me. I have loved all my students but here my life seems to revolve around them and I find they mean so much to me. If I am offered a contract next year, I would like to continue to teach here next year. So I am happy to see my family & friends but I know I will also be happy to come back to Akiak in January.

So, a documentary crew had come out in the summer to document the new teachers in the village next to me. I am supposed to interviewed at some point, but who knows if anything will come from it. Anyways, I bring this up because I saw the first part of the documentary. And while I was watching it, I was transported back to my trip in the summer. It did a really good job of showing the reality of coming here. The natural beauty, the culture, the alcohol abuse, the violence, and the poverty. I mean, I can look back and read what I wrote during that time and the documentary completely reflects the same thing.

Only, things have changed. I am no longer an outsider looking in. I'm not saying I've been ingrained in the society here...but in many ways, I have. I'm better known. People know who I am without me having to introduce myself. Women talk about their lives around me, which didn't happen before. I'm friendly with the people here, but I don't have a friend other than teachers yet. The change has been the kids. They have become so much a part of me that I no longer see the "bad"....it's there, and I know it is...but when I look around, I see the beauty...not just in the earth around me, but in the people too. Instead of Yup'ik Eskimos, I see all of us as people, living our lives and surviving what life hands us. My kids are kids....the culture's different, true....but so what?

I watched The Shawshank Redemption the other day (one of my favorite movies) and I found myself relating my life now to that movie. At first I realized that my room is a little bigger than a prison cell....and the other then I related to was when Red is talking about time. When I'm not teaching or working, I have a lot of time on my hands. Especially, when the weather is so bad. I stay indoors and have to find ways to spend my time. I watch movies, I read...I brought stuff to crochet but I haven't been in the mood for that. I bought some stuff to start embroidering and hopefully I'll like that.

My brain took off comparing the movie to my life....and it took me in a different direction. I saw the triumph of the human spirit. Not with me....but with the people. Many people/kids are Andy Dufrane to my Red. Abuse, crawling through sewers and coming out clean, innocents paying for crimes that aren't theirs (figuratively)....it's all here. And sometimes I see my students as free spirits I'm trying to keep caged in a square room when they really want to fly.

Call me a dreamer or overly immaginative....but I really can see it.

So I leave you now with this:

Sunrise: 10:49 a.m.
Sunset: 4:29 p.m.

And some of my favorite quotes from the movie The Shawshank Redemption (seriously, if you've never seen it, watch it.)

Red:
* I have no idea to this day what those two Italian ladies were singing about. Truth is, I don't wanna know. Some things are better left unsaid. I'd like to think they were singing about something so beautiful it can't be expressed in words, and it makes your heart ache because of it. I tell you those voices soared, higher and farther than anybody in a grey place dares to dream. It was like some beautiful bird flapped into our drab little cage and made these walls dissolve away, and for the briefest of moments, every last man in Shawshank felt free.

* Sometimes it makes me sad, though, Andy being gone. I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright and when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice, but still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend.

* I find I'm so excited I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it is the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend, and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope.

Winter Wonderland and Another Puppy

Just when I think Alaska can't get anymore beautiful....something like Monday happens. It's a freezing fog...which to mean sounds weird but the effect is gorgeous! The trees were frosted white. Everywhere you looked was white. And in the dark when the light hit the snow, it would sparkle like hundreds of diamonds glittering everywhere.

There's no paintbrush quite like Mother Nature's.

I went out to take pictures. It was -1 degrees but I found my new coat quite warm...(I took that picture)

I went out again at dusk to try to capture the sparkling snow. But my camera started freezing up and the pics all came out blurry. Which is disappointing since there are events that I wanted to capture that happen in freezing weather....like the dog race on the river (Akiak Dash).

I went in after a bit because...well, it was freakin' cold.

An hour later (-2 degrees) there's pounding at my door.

Two girls had found a chihuahua mix puppy starving and freezing in the snow. Could I take the puppy & find it's owners?

She was a tiny little thing.....and very sweet.

My roommate fell in love with the puppy. I liked her but she didn't feel like my dog. It may sound weird but I just felt that she wasn't meant for me. Now, I had no problem with my roommate keeping her, if that's what she wanted. I would help out but I personally wasn't ready to train up a puppy by myself while working full time and keeping two cats.

The next two days brought some decisions. Not only did both us realize how much work a puppy was, we also found that the puppy had owners.

So yesterday, I went to give the puppy back. And that's when I found out that some people here dump their dogs out in the snow hoping some teacher (or other kind hearted person) will take them in. I showed the puppy around and everyone said who the owner's were. I stood on their porch for 10 to 15 minutes knocking on the door. I could hear the people inside and I could hear them talking about me on their porch. I could only think "If you think I'm going to walk away, you are crazy." Finally, one of the kids came home and they had to open the door. When they did they told me that the puppy wasn't theirs.

I wanted to believe them, but the puppy tried going into their mudroom where this other dog was. The dog seemed to know the puppy too. Plus, later I heard that the puppy was seen being chased away from the same direction as the house.

In truth, an unwanted puppy is pretty much destined to die. Most puppies get shot. Which is actually the less crueler option. A puppy left on her own will most likely die.

So, what happened to the puppy in my arms? Well, I chased down another lead...which led to nowhere....I was asked if I was sure it was a girl puppy. To which I responded, "Well, all the parts are in the right place."

During the course of my chasing down the 2nd lead, I had stopped by my friend/co-worker Mr. O. You might remember Mr. O is the very same person who took Captain...the first puppy I found. Well, my second lead had to be via cell phone & I didn't have the number. I visited and had dinner while the puppy played with the other dogs (they have since rescued another puppy too...which gives them a total of 3 dogs). By the time I found out that my 2nd lead had gone dry and put it together that she did belong to the first house, Mr. O's family was totally charmed by this puppy. They agreed to take her for the night while we figured out our next move.

So her status: looking for owner/new home

They've named her Nala. And asked me not to bring over any more puppies.

And I am officially hanging up my puppy rescuing hat.....I can't save them all here.....there's too many left to die or will end up getting shot. And there's no shelter I can put them. I don't know if I will be strong enough to turn away a puppy I find on my own, but I can tell the next set of girls to check another house. (I've already got 3 houses picked out. shhhhhh.....)

*********

On another note: I've gotten my first Alaskan blizzard warning. I'm kinda nervous but excited at the same time. I've never been in a blizzard before!!! I hope I don't have to walk to work in one though....I imagine that would suck.

It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood....

Won't you be my neighbor??

Well, I had a nice Thanksgiving. I went to my principal's house where about 20 of us had our dinner. It was a fun time. The day before, we got out of school early and came down to the cafeteria where we served a Thanksgiving meal to the community. I was passing out the turkey. I don't know how many people came, but it had to be at least half of the village was there.

But the real fun was this morning. (Don't ask me why this was the fun part....I don't know, it just was!) I layered up and grabbed my outdoor broom to sweep off the snow on my porch, steps, & boardwalk. I don't have a shovel, so this was the best I could do.

The rain had iced up the snow, so it was mostly ice. By the way, brooms don't work so well on ice. But kicking seems to work. So I was kicking the ice off, listening to music, and pretty much having a good ole time. I know I was making a lot of noise, but it was after noon so I wasn't too worried about it.

After a few minutes, a neighbor in my complex comes out and starts shoveling her walk. Another one comes and then soon my principal's out there, and they're clearing off the boardwalk (I don't know if it was just coincidence or if I was making a huge racket). The ones with shovels (i.e. everyone but me) had helped me with my steps and boardwalk and had moved on to everyone else's boardwalk & steps.

The mood was light and jovial. But as I only had a broom, I wasn't much help. So I did what one does with a broom in the snow. I went to go smack icicles off my roof. I had already karate chopped the ones I could reach earlier. Brandishing my broom like the graceful samurai sword it should have been, I start at the icicles on the other side of my house, when I noticed an odd handle coming out from under the house. It was a shovel!! Now I could help shovel snow!!

I ran up to the group with a triumphant "Look what I found!!!" And soon there were four of us, clearing snow & breaking up the ice. I know it's supposed to be work, but after trying to shovel snow with a broom and your feet....a shovel is a lot better. Plus, adding sound effects always makes a job more fun. I was still in the martial art mindset so my sound effects shoveling were of that nature.

It was the reading specialist, the principal, the 3rd grade teacher and myself out there. We were cracking jokes & laughing. We cleared the whole boardwalk and everyone's steps. At one point the principal's wife came out with a camera to take a picture of all of us. At another point, the 3rd grade teacher hit me in the arm with a snowball. I am quite happy to report that I have pretty good aim and pegged him in the leg. He's lucky he went back into his house, otherwise it would have been war!!! (I'm not sure if he reads my blog, so I might need to declare war or at least threaten war in person....)

I stayed out a bit longer and practiced throwing snowballs. I haven't attempted a snowman yet, but the snow isn't that sticky yet. But it was fun stomping around and being silly.

I have knocked down all the icicles around my house and now I'm wondering if other people would notice if I did their houses next. I'm not sure what the appeal is but whatever, I'm just going with it.

Trippin'

Wow, this last week has been a trip....and actually I had a trip....and tried not to trip.

So this past weekend I went to Bethel to attend a math class. Actually, it was to learn about this curriculum which teaches math based on the Yup'ik Eskimo culture. (I've kinda moved on from the Eskimo part, I just consider them Yup'ik) So there's various modules: berry picking, patterns & parkas, building a fish rack, building a kayak, etc. The modules are age appropriate and totally integrate the math and traditional Yup'ik activities. I mean, how cool is that??? Except, this kass'aq (gus'ock) has no clue about the Yup'ik culture, so I signed up to take the class.

We flew to Bethel on Friday and arrive at a dorm. It was my first time sleeping in a dorm room. I had to share with my roommate. Actually, I really didn't have to share with her, but I had to share with someone and we both felt comfortable sharing a room. After dinner, we went shopping. Which was cool, but it wasn't as exciting as the first time I came to Bethel. Maybe because I really didn't need much.

And let me just say, it's kinda weird for me to run out of something, like ranch dressing and just go to my pantry and grab a bottle. It's kinda cool. I feel so organized. Yay me....

Anywho, the next day was a training day.

Okay, I know this is a blog on the internet, but it's not an anonymous blog...so I have to tread lightly...but there was someone at the event who really could have used a valium. Just saying the girl needed to take the stress level down a notch....or several notches. There....I think you know what I mean. And so does everyone else at the event.

But in all fairness, there was some stress. I realized my greatest fear that I haven't had to confront until I came to Alaska. I mean, I become a total baby. It's sad.

Here it is: the temperature got warmer (low 30's - woohoo!) and it began to rain. I thought, "Oh! The snow will melt!" Yeah, not quite. Some of you may already know this, but I didn't so I'll go ahead and explain. The rain froze the snow, making everything slick ice. Like the slipperiest ice ever.....

And here's the problem: well, I'll explain in a story: One day I got rollerblades. I got on my protective gear and was ready to learn how to rollerblade. I skate out past my driveway to the garbage can. And that's where I froze. I mean, I couldn't move! I was terrified. I'm pretty sure it was of falling, but the fear of death was in there too. I clung onto that garbage can for dear life. And that's when it hit me: I was the girl at the roller rink who couldn't let go of the railing. There was one part of the rink where there was no railing. It was open rink!! So I had to plan my path or I'd have to brave the openness of that rink (on carpet I'm fine. In fact, I would have been perfectly content to skate on a carpeted rink.) So I remember this as I'm clutching the smelly garbage can. And here comes my brother, Ethan, who of course will rescue me like the hero I know my baby brother to be.

"Help Ethan! I'm stuck."

"You skated yourself there, you can skate yourself back."

What? This was not the appropriate response. You can bet when I crawled on all fours off that garbage can back into the house, we had some words!

So you can see my problem here in Alaska. I thought I was smart. I have ice stabilizers for my shoes. They slip over my boots and help you keep your balance on the ice. (See picture) But when you're in Bethel and your ice stabilizers are still in your mudroom in Akiak, they will do you no good!

I don't know if people here know how terrified I am or if I'm just coming off annoying though. I made it around Bethel okay (walked the edge holding on to something). Today after work, I think I really acted like a baby. I had planned on catching a ride home but that plan backfired. So two coworkers and myself were traversing the patches of slick ice (the ground was either mud or ice) when a car started coming down the road. The very road that I was currently in the middle of. Problem!!

I decided I would in no way break my neck rushing across the road. So I decided to stand there and let them pass so I could continue my painfully slow trek across the road. The other members of my party had already made it to the other side and were asking me what was wrong.

Complete with a pout this is what came out of my mouth: "There is a truck coming and I will NOT be rushed!"

Thankfully, they just laughed and the truck stopped to give me a ride home (Thank you my hero!!!). This ice is not bringing out the best in me I'm afraid to say.

Oh! But that's not the only dramatic event for me in Bethel!!! Oh no! Did you know that bush planes don't like to land planes on fields of ice? We barely made a flight that would take us to Akiak....the rest of the people who were from different villages had to stay in Bethel another night. I was very happy to get home. Dorm life just isn't for me, I guess.

****************

Something else happened this weekend that was actually horrible. Two men, two brothers were drinking and got into a fight. And one brother stabbed the other one in the abdomen. Didn't kill him, but sent him to the hospital. Now, this is tragic enough, but the victim happened to be the father of one of my students. And the other brother was someone I know and liked very much. Actually, both men have been very kind and nice to me.

Of course my concern was for my student and his older brother. Mom isn't in the picture and I'm not sure why. So tonight I invited the two boys over my house for dinner. Now, you know I don't cook...but I planned on making spaghetti. And it was a big deal to me to make them dinner. I had spaghetti, corn, and fresh baked bread (alright, it was frozen) ready.

They were late but I had written a note to their grandmother with my phone number in case she wanted to talk to me. I wasn't expecting this.....I answer the phone: "Hello?" "Teacher, what time is it?" "It's 5:00, are you coming for dinner?" "Okay, we're coming."

And I served them my culinary masterpiece....and they only liked the corn. So I made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I liked the spaghetti. It was prego. A coworker stopped by and tasted the sauce. He thinks it might have been too sweet for them. Which would explain why I liked it. But the night wasn't a total bust. They played my Wii Resort and had fun.

And that was the point. I guess......

Seasons in Akiak

I've been waiting months to do this one!!!

What Week Am I On?

Okay, so I don't really remember how many weeks I've been here....good thing there's a calendar: week 15

sunrise: 9:49 a.m. (thank you daylight savings)
sunset: 5:08 p.m. (wow....no help there)

I went for a walk today....and I brought my camera!!!

Enjoy:

Bloody 'ell

Well, this morning was not a great morning. Oh, it started out great. I had ordered new boots and they came in yesterday. They are awesome boots, let me tell you. Just look at the picture!! Sweet!!!

So I get to work (didn't have to walk - one of my friends gave me a ride) and the day starts.

I was making copies when I hear crying in the hallway. One of the teachers was holding tissue to a kid's face. "Bloody nose." I think to myself.

Then I hear my principal talking about taking the boy to the clinic. "Must be more serious than I thought." I start to get my things and walk back to my room. After all, the boy was surrounded by adults who seemed to have the situation under control.

Then they bring another bloody nose victim.

And this boy is one of my students. One of my kids.

HOLD THE PHONE

I walk into the office.....and I identify the boys. Both of them are my boys.

The principal clears out the office. I'm about to walk out when I asked the more injured boy if he wanted me to stay with him. He's not the needy type and I expected him to say no.

He nodded his head yes.

Okay, I think this is worse than I thought.

Without going into all the details. It was worse than I thought. Okay, it was horrible. My two boys ran into each other. One open mouth hit the other boy's eye. It was cut really bad and the boy was covered in blood. They sent both boys to Bethel. I haven't heard yet what happened or how bad the injuries are.

I spent the next half hour mopping up blood (they gave me gloves), and trying to soothe my boys. I had no clue what I was doing but a couple of people came up to me later and said how impressed they were with my handling the situation. I didn't really handle anything, I just tried to keep them calm, but I appreciate the compliments nonetheless.

The whole ordeal really bothered me. But I almost lost it when I looked up and through the office window I saw the boy with the eye injury's sister. She had this look that was a mixture of fear, and concern for her brother. His sister is also in my class.

After they got the boys off to the clinic, I calmed down the siblings and other girls who were upset. Rumors had been flying that the boy's eye popped.

Today was a hard day...I hate seeing my kids hurt, upset, and scared. And I got all that in one half hour.

Yes, I got the kids calmed down.....but I found that I needed to calm down.

I needed a hug....I needed my friends....I needed my family.....okay...what I really needed was a drink!

Trick or Treat

Wow! Halloween will never be the same!!!

It was kind of hard to come back to work as soon as I did after my illness, but somehow I managed. I really didn't want to miss out on anything.

A co-worker had gone out and bought pumpkins for every classroom. And there was to be a pumpkin carving contest. The winning pumpkin would win a party for the classroom. Now, some of you reading this may not know, but I can be a bit competitive. I'm getting a little tired of going up against the high school and honestly, my second graders haven't been fairing too well against them, but this was a contest that I knew I could win....for them of course, but my class could nail this!!!

When the pumpkin arrived, the kids were in awe. They asked me what would happen if they picked it up. I told them to find out. That's right, my students had never seen a pumpkin in real life before. One boy would carry it around and pat it saying, "That's my baby."

Next, came the task of selecting the pumpkin design. Since none of my students had ever carved a pumpkin, they wanted every design they saw. I found a pumpkin design that not only looked awesome, but that I could actually do. It's the one in the picture. I liked the idea of painting a haunted house & carving out the moon & windows. I thought it was different and very cool. Diffeniately something that could bring victory to the second grade. But I was going to let the kids pick out the end result. It was their pumpkin....sigh. Lucky for me they chose the one I wanted to do. I swear, I did not lead them to that choice at all.

We carved the pumpkin on Thursday. And they were so excited. Some of them stood at the door and told anyone who was passing by, "We're carving our pumpkin!!!" Everyone got a chance to pull out the guts of the pumpkin. Some of them really liked that part. Others were content to try it once and then watch other people do it.

I had a movie playing while I worked on the pumpkin. I didn't let the kids handle the knives and I do not feel guilty about that choice at all! Some watched while I drew, carved, and painted the pumpkin. It turned out pretty cool. The kids loved it! We were set for Friday's judging.

The next day we had people coming into our classroom saying "We heard you had a really cool pumpkin!!" Parents, kids, co-workers....this pumpkin was awesome. I forgot my camera, but the school newspaper came & took a picture of it.

Bet your thinking we won, right? Nope, the woman in charge of the contest was sick so it was cancelled. I'm thinking of a not-so-nice word right now.....

I think we had a chance too.......

But we didn't that let it ruin our Friday! Oh no! Not when we have some tee shirts to tie dye! I had gotten tee shirts and dye for the kids. I thought it would be fun to make tie dye shirts for the second graders. The kids loved it!! They absolutely loved making those shirts. I was a huge mess afterwards. I had taken off the gloves because they were slowing me down...so my hands were covered in dye. But the kids stayed pretty clean. I was the messiest person in the room. Go figure!!

So I really couldn't have missed out of work and missed out on all that fun! There was a carnival at the school Friday night, but sadly, I was so worn out from work that I just went home and slept.

Saturday was Trick or Treating. There were signs up that it started @ 3:00 at one villager's house. I thought that was kind of odd, but whatever. I had bought a ginormous bag of candy (for $30 - ouch!) and my roommate and I were ready.

3 hours later, there hadn't been any trick or treaters. Well, no matter but I thought it was kind of odd.

Then I saw some people heading our way. No, actually what I saw was the village heading our way. They lined up at our door - young kids, teenagers, parents, elders.....and people kept coming. There weren't a whole lot of costumes....just people wanting candy. We had this huge line of people.....there had to be about 100 people. And as quickly as they came.....they left. Within ten minutes, it was over. I only had a couple of pieces of candy left. I had never seen so many people at one time in the village.

It started snowing on Tuesday and hasn't stopped. I've never had Halloween in the snow before. It's 20 degrees outside. Yesterday, it was 14 degrees. I'm still liking the cold and loving the snow. I still haven't gotten my winter coat yet, but I'm still able to bundle up just fine.

This morning was pitch black on the way to work. I could only see as far as my flashlight shone. One of my co-workers thought it would be funny to run up behind me and scare me the other day. When I swung around I put my hand up on her chest to protect myself. I didn't push her down or anything, but I don't think she thought it was quite so funny after that. I like that my instinct was to protect myself. She's actually lucky I didn't hit her.

Sunrise: 10:14 a.m.
Sunset: 6:43 p.m.

Destination: Emergency Room

Before I begin my dramatic (more like traumatic) tale, there are two things you have to know about me. 1) I don't like showing public emotion other than crying at a movie or book. That's fine, but I don't like people to see me upset about me. I don't do it. 2) I will most likely never tell you just how sick I am, until I'm not that sick anymore. It's more like a confidence in my eyes you knowing just how sick I am at that moment. I don't know why I do that, I just do. I am telling all this so you will understand why no one in Akiak knew just how sick I had gotten - not even my roommate.

Last weekend, I woke up and was having some sinus problems. More like, I felt like I was punched in the sinuses. I stayed in bed all day that Saturday and felt much better on Sunday. By the start of the work week, I felt fine.

On Saturday, I woke up feeling sick again. But I couldn't pinpoint exactly how I felt sick. So I decided to not waste two Saturdays in a row being sick. So I decided to not act sick. I took a walk on the riverbank, I washed dishes, we had a very nice movie marathon going...whatever. But I kept feeling worse and worse. By that night I was feverish.....I'll not go into all the details but by the end of the weekend it was very clear that I had either strep throat or tonsillitis. Either way, work was not going to happen on Monday. So I walked to the school, lysoled my classroom & got my lesson plans ready for Monday. I was sick but I was doing all the home remedies in my Healthwise Handbook and I was okay. Well, sorta okay. My appetite had disappeared. I just wasn't hungry - a first for me. But I looked at that as just a perk and moved on.

By Monday, I was starting to suspect those home remedies were a hoax. I mean gargling with warm salt water, using saline spray, lots of fluids....I wasn't feeling any better, in fact I felt worse! (Totally joking about the remedies being bunk by the way.) The problem was that swallowing was getting to be very painful. I didn't get much sleep either. I was in too much pain.

I called the clinic and got an appointment for later that day. So here was my issues: couldn't sleep, now I couldn't eat even if I wanted to, and it was starting to hurt to much to drink. I could drink tea but only at a temperature that would burn my esophagus. This was getting bad. So I would force down a couple of sips. I froze my vitamin water to make a kind of slushie & that helped but I couldn't take a lot. But I had my appointment, I just had to get through until then.

My appointment time came (thank goodness!!!) and I was miserable. I could no longer talk or even open my mouth, my tonsils were so swollen. I was barely hanging on. I knew the drill. They would see me, I would get a very painful from what I hear tell shot of penicillin and be on my merry way, feeling better sometime soon. That's not what happened. They did a strep culture right there and it was positive. Great! Gimme my shot. "Wait....Let me just see something." And she felt my jaw. She told me she was concerned because my tonsils were almost touching. So she calls the doctor in Bethel. This next question almost made me burst into tears: "Do you have a way into Bethel?"

Am I that sick? Where's my god awful shot? Aren't you just going to give me the shot? (In your bottom no less).

Bottom line: The doctor and the Health Aide suspect that there might be more than just strep. They suspect an abscess, which I didn't know what that was but frankly I hurt too much to ask.

I was given the number of the guy in Akiak who arranges flights and got myself booked on the next flight to Bethel. Well, okay...that was easy. ($150) (Don't worry - medical insurance covers travel expenses here.)

They didn't treat the strep but they did give me Tylenol with Codeine. I was feeling no pain for the next few hours, let me tell you. That's when I spoke to my coworkers. Which is another reason none of them knew how sick I was. They saw me on pain meds. But I totally left without writing lesson plans. I had never, ever done that before. That should have been a huge red flag to anyone who knows me....I may be sick, but I always cover my responsibilities at work.

I'll have to admit....I think Alaska was trying to make me feel better...cause here's what I saw on my flight: 4 moose, 3 caribou, 5 huge beaver dams, and 2 hunters on the tundra. And it was snowing in Bethel. Maybe I should have rethought the flannel pj's but I had a warm coat & my snow boots, so whatever.

I was told to go to the ER and my information would be faxed over waiting for me to get there. It wasn't. No biggie. Except that the triage nurse did not understand why they sent me here at all. She was rude from the get go. Then she asked me if they treated me in Akiak. When I said no, she said, "Well, why not?" I don't know!! (A colorful word came into my mind, but I'm trying to keep this kid friendly) but seeing as I was still feeling pretty good from my pain med (which I told her I was on), I didn't let Nurse Ratchet get me down. She said she didn't see anything odd & kinda rolled her eyes. But she told me to let her know if my situation changes.

The ER waiting room had one thing going for it. The History Channel was on. Time flies when you sit me down in front of TV (which I haven't seen in two months). But after two hours, I notice that my magic pill was starting to wear off. The pain was coming back. Not unbearable, but it was a change in my situation. I informed the chick at the front desk. She told Nurse Ratchet but she wasn't concerned. When I sat down, I noticed it was weird I hadn't needed to go the bathroom yet. But I dismissed it. My saliva was thicker too....okay...I realized I was starting to become dehydrated but I was already in a ER. So I let it go.

Two more hours go by. By now, my pain med has worn off. It was agonizing every time I swallowed. There were only new people in the waiting room. Everyone else had gone in before me. I curse that woman with four hours of extra child labor...I really do. She didn't take my condition seriously and maybe I should have put up more of a fuss. What can I say? Drugs are bad, kids. So here's what I did. I went up the front nurse and burst into tears. Okay, I didn't plan that last part, it just happened to my horror (see things to know about me #1) I told her I can't swallow, I can't drink, I haven't been able to eat, and before I could finish, she was up out of her seat & grabbed a different triage nurse.

Boy, men sure don't like tears. My new nurse was a man. He first thought I was overreacting. He told me he understands I'm stressed and upset. I told him in my most calm, rational, tears pouring out way that I wasn't upset, I was in pain. I told him my sad tale & he read what the other lady had said. He checked my tonsils and then said, "Wait...Let me just see something." And checked again. He gave me some regular Tylenol and after watching me swallow those pills down (I couldn't help it...a high pitch sound of pain escaped) he moved to to the head of the waiting list. See why I curse that woman???

A half hour later, I was in. It was now past midnight. If I wasn't in so much pain, I don't think I would have minded the wait. Cause there was another problem. The planes were no longer flying out. I would have to find a hotel room if I was in and out from this point. I didn't have anywhere to go until morning. But as my mother says, don't borrow trouble, so I decided to cross that bridge when I got there.

I told my story to the doctor who asked me why wasn't I treated in Akiak? Why did they send me here? Oh no, I thought. Well, just give me my shot and I'll be on my way. Then he says, "Wait....Let me just see something." Then I knew it was going to be okay. Because those were magic words by this point. I knew he would see whatever everyone else saw to realize that something else was wrong.

I finally got my shot, which didn't hurt me one bit. See the trick is to already be in far more worse pain and you won't notice the shot. I wasn't expecting the barrage of blood work he ordered or the CAT scan for my throat though. Or the shot of steroids to deflate my tonsils. Or the IV - they found out I was dehydrated. Or the pain meds they put into my IV. Or the second set of antibiotics he had put through my IV. Or the heated blanket they cover you with - heaven!

After a while, I had fallen asleep. The doctor woke me up and asked if I thought I was able to go home. Yeah, sure I said. I was already feeling so much better. Of course I had no where to go, but I overheard the nurses worrying over all the taken beds. The truth was, I was okay now & I didn't want to take up space for someone who needed it. The nurse was worried about me because she knew I wasn't a local and that meant I didn't have anywhere else to go. It was 5:30 in the morning.

I had decided to hang out in the waiting room until the cafeteria opened at 7:30. I called my mom to let her know I was okay. By the way, if you ever want to freak out your family, get really sick 2,000 miles away. Especially your mom. That'll do it. I called my favorite bush airline Renfro Alaskan Adventures (the one with the really cute pilot - but i didn't want to see him today) and got myself a 9:00 flight back home ($200). Yeah, they're more expensive, but they're known to be very good. If I was to be in a bush plane crash, these guys would have the least damage done to the plane and everyone would walk away from it. So I'd feel safer crashing with them. Weird way to look at it, I know, but these guys are awesome pilots.

Man, I was looking so forward to breakfast. I had pancakes, eggs, & fruit. It felt like I hadn't eaten in days....wait, I hadn't. I felt refreshed and so much better. I'm still sick....but I'm only 30% sick.

I made it home safe & sound (thank you Renfro) and have spent the day resting. I am going back to work tomorrow. I plan on taking it easy. I hear it was crazy yesterday....so I think a nice relaxing orderly day tomorrow is in order. I feel kind of guilty that I didn't have any sub plans (I just said, pretty much do the same thing as Monday but in the next chapter in Math), maybe that didn't matter so much since the sub didn't show up anyways. And my kids just went to class like they normally do with no teacher. I have no clue what happened from there.....I imagine it was discovered rather quickly that there was no teacher in the room. I can't decide if it's better that I just don't no how bad today went for them or if it would make a really great story. But man, I can't get sick again - my kids need me!!!

Skin Sewing Class

Well, I went to my first skin sewing class tonight. It's free and they provide the supplies and pelts. I had no idea what to expect...

When my roommate and I got there, there were skins laid out across two tables. And there was a book with ideas in it. Everyone wanted to make baby mukluks (eskimo boots) because it was a good first project.

You would think the former vegetarian in me would be disgusted at the display of furs. But if you knew the story about how I was a little girl, I wore my rabbit fur coat to see 101 Dalmatians, (My mother looked at me & said, "You might not want to wear that coat to this movie.") you would know that my real first instinct in Alaska was "Pretty! And so soft!"

So I chose a beautiful gray & white rabbit pelt. It's so pretty. My mukluks are gonna look awesome!! (I don't know who these mukluks are for though - minor detail.)

I drew my pattern on the underside of the skin and was ready to cut my skin.

Now, you don't use scissors to cut skin. If you do, the fur goes everywhere. So, instead, you use a razor blade. You have to cut the skin gently to make sure you are only cutting skin, not fur. Otherwise, you have a huge mess.

My roommate got the hang of it really quickly. There wasn't a drop of fur around her workspace. So did my co-worker. She only had 3 or 4 tuffs lying on the floor. And none on her.

Me? Absolutely covered in rabbit fur. It was everywhere! Think I'm exaggerating? A couple of kids would come in every once & a while to brush the fur off my pants. The woman sitting next to me was having problems because rabbit fur kept flying up her nose. I had put on chapstick right before I came to the class. BIG MISTAKE.

I guess I hacked into the skin with a tad more gusto than I intended. Whoops.

The sewing part went alright. I had to restart only once because I was sewing with the fur facing the wrong way. I finished one main bootie part & it looks pretty good. Where the fur meets made this really cool white stripe down the back of the boot.

I had a good time. I would have liked it if more women from the village came. I was sewing with coworkers and co worker's wives, all of whom I really like, but I was hoping to interact more with villagers. That time will come, I hope.

Before the class, my roommate and I went walking down by the river. It's freezing over with ice chunks floating by. The bank is all icy now too. I grabbed a rock to try to crack the edge of the ice, but the rock must have been defective, because it landed only two feet in front of me. I'm sure it was the rock. ;) I'm grabbing my camera tomorrow to take some pics.

***CHICKEN MYSTERY UPDATE
So it was a ptarmigan that was laid on my porch. We think this is what happened: there was a bird hanging around the area. Most likely, kids threw rocks at it and killed it. Then they brought it to our house as a gift. Now I feel bad that I didn't keep it. But I didn't know what to do with it!!!!

Weekly Reflections - Week 10

Well, two new teachers have left the district, one from my school and one from another village. They left for different reasons, some of which I'm not privy to. It's kind of weird to think that out of the new teachers some have already left the ranks.

I've gotten some very sweet comments from my friends and family. Mostly telling me to hang in there. But I just want everyone to know, I'm not hanging on. I'm duking it out. My days are hard but satisfying. My kids are tough, but also very sweet and loving. I'm stressed, over worked, tired but I'm making progress. Or I should say, my kids are. They are learning so much, even if it feels like I'm dragging them through their education, kicking and screaming.

I'll be teaching a lesson - AT GRADE LEVEL and my students will be engaged and learning. When we're done I feel this huge sense of accomplishment. I feel like "Yes! Now they will see that learning is fun! I will now give them a life-long love of learning!!!" And that's when one of them will turn to me and ask, "When do we get to go home?"

Wah, wah, waaaaahhhh...

They were just having fun two minutes ago!!! I swear!!!

I've never been any place like here. Some of my second graders swear, once at me. I don't think that will be happening again any time soon. I actually ignored the bait and waited until the student calmed down before we spoke of it. That took a lot of self-control on my part, let me tell you. Some of my kids chew tobacco. (That shocked me.) And some of my kids make references to drugs and alcohol. And some of my kids have stable, loving homes.

These kids see/experience way more than kids should. But I can't change their home lives. I don't even want to go there actually. I didn't come here to judge anyone. To be honest, I really don't know what all happens at home. All I know, is that I came out here to be the best teacher I can be.

I do miss my friends though. And while I have friends here, they are also my co-workers. And there are certain discussions that maybe best left unsaid to coworkers. We talk shop a lot around here. I miss the world outside of Akiak too. I'm either at home or work, home or work. I just need to get out more. Go for walks without dying. I'm looking forward to the snow. There's tons of stuff to do in the snow. Did I mention my school has cross country skis teachers can borrow? And one of my friends said they'd take me out snowmobiling. So there's lots of stuff to do once it snows. It snowed a little but it melted already.

My family had a birthday celebration for my brothers & my step-dad. I wasn't there. I was kinda sad hearing about it. I miss my family too. Well, I'll be with them at Christmas. I come back to visit Christmas Eve actually.

There was ice on the ground Friday. I took it slow. It was my first time walking on ice. Crazy, huh? I slipped a little bit, but otherwise I was fine. I cannot begin to describe how odd it is to be walking to school with a flashlight. It stays darker longer five minutes everyday they say.

Today's sunrise: 9:34 a.m.
Today's sunset: 7:26 p.m.

I think I'll make that a regular feature in my weekly reflections. It's 36 degrees outside.....I think I'm becoming more used to the cold because I was a bit chilly today walking to the school but not really cold. I didn't even wear my gloves or earmuffs. If I was in Benicia, I would be bundled up and complaining!!

Sometimes I stop and ask myself: Is this really my life? How did I get here? From The Disney Store to Akiak.....Who would have thought I'd be here on the Alaska Tundra (okay, the tundra is a mile out, whatever) teaching to a group of Yup'ik Eskimos? I wouldn't trade it......A year teaching here and I'll be able to teach anywhere....not somewhere hot though....I really don't do heat well........or mornings.....

Probably best not to make a list.....

Weekly Reflections - Week 9

I've been trying to reflect on what it's like being a teacher 24/7. My social events are with co-workers and are almost always at the school. I live with my co-worker. My students come to my house to visit me and say hi. I was lying in bed this morning (sleeping in) when one of my students started shouting my name under my window. She just wanted to say hi.

If I had a boyfriend, the whole village would know it. There's no such thing as a private life here.

And the funny thing is, I don't really mind it. It should bother me, always being "on duty" and never having my own life. But honestly, I really didn't have my own life in California anyways. My private life was totally stagnant. People would ask me what was new and aside from what was happening in my classroom, there was never much to tell.

Now, there's no private life to speak of, but my teacher life is completely full.

I had some students over today to bake some cookies. I have a feeling I'll have more visitors next weekend. On Thursday we had Family Math Night. There were over 60 kids & parents at our school playing math games. I had a pattern block table and the kids were really having a great time.

I had to come into work yesterday to get report cards ready. I mostly chitchatted with my coworkers....whoops. So I'm going back today.

My alone time is filled with books, movies, and my music. I don't spend much time on the phone, but I have the internet and facebook to catch up with my friends.

I spent so much time in California thinking there was something wrong with me for not having a private life. So there's a strange sense of contentment in my new life. I'm no longer an unmarried "loser" without a boyfriend. I'm now a teacher living in a remote village with my two cats.

Maybe it should bother me, always being Miss Ruark and never just Lara. But now it seems Miss Ruark is blended more with just Lara. I guess it's like Superman is always Superman, even when he's hiding his identity in Clark Kent.

Besides, the kids call me different things: Miss Ruark, Miss Lara, Miss Lara Ruark, Ruark, and when they really want my attention: R-U-A-R-K!!!! Yeah, I have a student who calls me by spelling my last name. And of course some call me Teacher.

When I think about it....I don't want to be just Lara anyways.....I like being something more.....

Mystery of the Dead Prairie Chicken

Well, I don't know whether to be creeped out or flattered or what.....

So I had to work today, it was a teacher work day. When I came home from work, there were a couple of pieces of candy on the handrail on my porch. I thought some kids must have come by to visit and forgot them. Then I noticed a piece of candy sitting on the door handle. So I figured someone was leaving my roommate and I a little treat.

Later, one of my co-workers called me to ask if he and his family could borrow some movies. I have my fair share of movies. I said sure, come on over....

When I opened my door, Mr. O asks me, "Do dead birds freak you out???" And in the middle of the sentence I had noticed on my porch was in fact a dead bird. A bigger dead bird, mind you, not your garden parakeet sized bird. I think I just said, "Oh my god! I don't know!!"

Someone/something left a dead bird on my porch. It wasn't bloodied or dropping feathers...it was just a dead bird. A tarminac (no clue how to spell it) otherwise like a prairie chicken. Just laying on my porch.

What do I make of it? I don't think it means anything bad, because these birds are hunted...and eaten here. So why waste something you'd eat and leave it in perfect condition to scare someone.

So is it a gift?

Or is it even from a human? Have my bush dog whisper's powers moved from finding puppies to getting presents?

What does this mean? If anything? Does someone like me, what?

Or did a dumb prairie chicken kill itself on my front door? I don't see many of them flying around but it could happen.

Or maybe this has nothing to do with me....I'm not the only woman who lives in this house. So even if it means something bad, it may not be for me.

I just don't know......and it's killing me, this not knowing!!!

Weekly Reflections - Month 2

Well, I've spent two months here in the bush. On Saturday I was able to go to Bethel and I had yummy pizza and went shopping in an actual grocery store!!! It was awesome...freezing but awesome!! The boat ride was a lot of fun. We laughed and told funny stories. I spent quite a bit of money but I really didn't buy anything extravagant, just food. But food out here is very expensive.

There was one point where I was a little worried. They were pushing the boat into the water and told us (my roomie & I) to go ahead and hop on. Not everybody was on yet, in fact we were still missing the "captain". So Mr. O goes to start the boat and nothing happens. Apparently, we were having some issues with the battery. The captain comes down to the riverbank to find her boat drifting off. Mr O is scrambling, trying to fix the issue. And I notice the boat getting further and further away from the shore. Oh, we were heading to Bethel all right...considering Bethel is down river!! But after a few minutes, Mr O starts the boat and we were off!

Coming back was kind of exciting too. Only because we had load the boat down with so many groceries. I alone had 3 boxes & 2 bags.....(for those of you calculating that was about $450 - at least this time I didn't have to pay for shipping!!) Anyways, the boat was riding really low in the water. I was a little nervous. I mean we had the boat totally loaded down!!! But we made it, safe & sound!!

I've also learned that they don't have fiddles at the "fiddling"....they used to but they don't anymore. But they still call it a fiddling. Okay.....

I've been meaning to post sooner, but I was kinda grumpy with my heater broken (again) and it being so hot in my room. I figured no one wants to read a grumpy post. Okay, I kinda like to go back and read what I wrote when I was in a bad mood, but I may be the only one....

I haven't really mentioned my other project I'm working on.....I was lying in bed one night pondering the 30 Day Shred by Jillian Micheal's. She claims that in 30 days, you can totally change your body. And I was wondering if that was true. So I decided to try her workout 3x a week for 30 days...I'm sure that you would have to do her workout everyday to get the results that she claims. But I figure 3 times a week should be more than adequate. So I'm on day 22...the only day I didn't do it according to the plan was the day I went to Bethel. I figured the mile long trek & unloading the heavy boxes off the boat counted as a real life work out. And yes, my pants are baggy but I also started hanging those to dry....so it could be that too. I took my measurements at the beginning so I'll compare them to the end results. But I figured why not give it a try....I've got the time, right?

Life isn't feeling like a huge adventure anymore. Sure, I have to carry a flashlight to walk through the dark woods on my walk to work and I walked under the stars at 8 a.m., but it's not scary. I'm out having fun but I'm not scared. There were two moose walking down the road the night of the fiddling...or so I hear tell. I still have yet to see any. But just to be on the safe side, I'll carry my flashlight.

My house is being lifted...right as I type this actually. Doors are becoming a bit of a problem....my front door won't shut all the way....but I'm really going to like being out of the flood water level. But it's kinda weird hearing people under the house & then all of a sudden the house moves up a half inch. It's a bit bizarre. That's pretty funny. Just wait until I do some jumping jacks & they think the house is going to fall on them!!

This whole experience is so surreal at times. Sometimes I have to remind myself that my experiences are weird. Stop your class because the health people are here to check for lice or give TB tests...I approve of these tests so it doesn't seem like a hardship but there's no notice or head's up really. My lesson plans change at the drop of a hat. Nothing happens according to the plan here. Assemblies, fire drills, etc.....you know they're coming, but you're not sure when. If you can't roll with the punches, you won't last out here. And actually, I like schedules...I like plans, they make me feel better....but I wanted to do something crazy and out there and I boy, did I deliver! I am liking it though. I feel more laid back....class interruption? Whatever......I'll have to finish this another day? Fine....None of my kids have lice? Sweet......You have to check my hair? Ummmmmm.....okay......

I didn't have lice either. :)

Shall We Dance?

So it's really late & I probably should be in bed right now, especially since I have a big day tomorrow. I'm going to Bethel on a boat. It's super cold & I have to really outsmart mother nature with layers, but I'm so excited. Which makes me think that I'll have a lot to write about after tomorrow. But something happened tonight that I wanted to write about. So I figured the time is now!

Tonight was a fundraiser for Search & Rescue involving fiddling. I had no idea what to expect but my students were telling me it's so fun & I can't miss it. And all that for a good cause! There was tons of talk about dancing. So my roommate and I go.

They were setting up the music (which turned out not to be the groups that were supposed to come due to weather) and the kids are running around & everybody's talking about wanting to dance. There's only a couple of adults and the crowd is mostly elementary kids. Let's just say the 1st & 2nd grade teachers were very popular.

A couple of songs are played and the kids are bopping to the music, asking us to dance with them. I'm picturing the type of dance I'm used to. Where you stand around and just move to the music. No problem! Let's go.

I have a group of kindergartners and first graders and we are in a circle holding hands and just dancing. And that's when I look around.....there were several kids dancing around me.....the two step. Yep, kids were in partners dancing to two step.....one fifth grade boy was dancing it beautifully with his third grade partner. They didn't just move to the music...

Now here's where I felt a little funny, I don't know how to two step. But I figured the fifth grade boy would probably show me how.

Who needs a fifth grader when you have a first grader? The other girls in my group ran off and there was just one first grader left. I told her I didn't know the steps and she took my hands and led me through the two step. Have you ever been led in the two step by a first grader? There's a lot of missteps and it felt more like a four step, but it was the cutest thing ever.

My night would have been awesome just for that moment alone.....but there was more to come.

So there's a young lady who is severely mentally handicapped. She's very sweet but she's a lot to take at times.

Well, this young lady had asked me if I'd dance with her earlier in the night. I said yes thinking we'd just stand around and dance. I was feeling uncomfortable dancing the two step with her. I didn't really know the steps, I didn't know if that would be socially okay.....I was just really out of my comfort zone.

But since I said yes, she was counting on it. She waited while I danced with the little girls, she followed me while I helped some people set up for the event, and she sat next to me while I sat down for a bit. But of course, I couldn't disappoint her. Comfort zone or no comfort zone, she'd be heartbroken.

So I tell her, "Okay, ________, let's go." And we are the only two people dancing. I felt like the whole room was watching me while we took hands.

Have you ever seen pure joy radiating from someone? This girl 1) knew how to dance and 2) LOVED it. She was so happy dancing and it shone from her in a way I had never seen. It shone from her smile, her eyes...I mean she just beamed. She kept looking at my roommate so happy. Sweat started running down her face and she just kept on dancing and smiling. She never said a word but just danced around the gym with this huge smile on her face. Even if I stumbled the step, she'd laugh a little and continue on.

I totally forgot about the other people in the room. A couple of the older elementary girls had partnered up and began dancing around us. I felt guilty that I had felt uncomfortable before, because I had never seen such joy dancing. It was a simple step but she threw in a couple of spins just for fun. When the song was over she clapped and went back to sit down....never saying a word.

This night had some moments I'll treasure. I wish I had done a better job of describing her joy. I've seen a lot of dancing, but I've never seen a dance like this. I'm so glad I danced with her. Both my two step partners touched my heart....and taught me a new dance......

What's That White Stuff Coming From the Sky????

Oh yes my friends, it started snowing last night and hasn't stopped. Today marked my first day walking to work in the snow. I was pleased to find that my hiking boots are water/snow proof. I have two kinds of snow boots....one for -40 degree weather, but I just wasn't ready to bust them out, yet.

People here have been chuckling at my furry earmuffs. Now, I found out that the women here only have their ears pierced once. And they wear beautiful beaded dangling earrings. The kids rub my earlobes & feel my earrings quite often. So to me, it makes sense that the most pierced up woman in the village would be wearing earmuffs. It just makes sense....and the fur part is just cool. I own that look!! People have told me that once the temp hits -30 I'll have to take my earrings out....and for some reason I am totally against that. I've given up the vegetarian, I'm sure the fur is murder part is gonna go too, and I've started dressing down for work, but I just can't give up my earrings!! I only take them out to clean them....I betcha I can totally keep wearing them. I have made it my personal mission to keep my earrings in all winter, without freezing my ears.

I took the kids outside for a quick recess in the snow. I was hoping being outside would recharge them & give them a chance to chill out. It worked. They made snowballs, snow angels, and swung on the swings. A couple of my boys were showing me how to make snowballs.... :) And we had fun & all of us felt better when we came back in. My first snow recess!!

People think it's funny that I'm not used to snow. But they aren't used to wind here & it's been really windy. So I see your snow Akiak, & raise you some wind!! People were saying "Man, this wind is crazy!" And I didn't even notice the wind being that bad.

I've also come to the realization that I am somewhat quirky. I think the quirkiness will be what keeps me going here, but I find myself doing some weird things. Like today my stapler jammed....so I took it apart after pounding it on the table didn't work. Have you ever taken apart a stapler? Actually, it's rather easy. The trick is putting it back together. Which I did....after a while. And that didn't really fix the stapler anyways....but I tried. I can now relate to that stapler guy from Office Space...if you have a good stapler - hold on to that baby!!!

I'm hoping to go to Bethel this weekend on a boat. A coworker read my blog and is trying to help me out. I do love the people out here. I am having a lot of fun in Akiak.

I just found out that there's a free skin sewing class two times a week. They teach you how to sew furs & skins & provide all the materials. I'm so gonna check it out! And I no longer feel bad about that kind of stuff.....a PETA person wouldn't last two weeks out in the bush. By the way, I totally ate hamburger today.

I saw an eagle flying....I found out later it was a bald eagle. Yay!! C'mon moose & bear!! I hear foxes run wild in the villages during winter.....hope so!!

Weekly Reflections - Week 7

Technically, I have been gone for two months now. I have been in Akiak for seven weeks. I am starting to feel like I want to get out for a bit. I'm thinking maybe I'll hit Anchorage for Thanksgiving break. I am being social here and I'm loving the new friends I'm making. But the urge to get out is getting stronger. I know people who have boats but I hate asking them if I could tag along. Maybe I'm being to nice about things. Should I start inviting myself on their boat trips to Bethel? I think I'll put the word out that I'd love to go to Bethel.....

It's funny, I really don't mind the isolation. It doesn't bother me being thousands of miles from home & hundreds of miles from the nearest city. I don't mind being out of the loop news wise. I like being away from it all...but sometimes I need to get my civilized "fix".

I do feel like I'm at the school a bunch. I am going to try to stay after school more during the week so I can get a break from the actual building during the weekends. There's no time for planning except on my own time. I work a longer school day than I'm used to & there's only a half hour window to hit the post office before it closes. My schedule is pretty tight.

I guess I'm just feelin' antsy. It's supposed to snow next week. I'm so looking forward to that. I can't wait to experience my first Alaskan snowfall. It's gonna be sweet!

Fall seems to have happened in a matter of weeks. There's still some leaves on the trees but it went from green to yellow to leaves falling so fast. It's pretty but wow, winter's coming!

The funny thing is that being out here isn't all that exciting anymore. Life has settled down. I mostly work & meet my friends for movie nights. I'm loving it here, but it's not really exciting. I could see myself staying out here for a while.

I know those of you hoping to follow my exciting love life are probably wondering if there's anything I'm not posting....nope. Sorry. One man working on the road offered me a ride in his truck, but I don't accept rides from strangers....it's really easy to disappear out here. No thank you. So the Miss is staying a Miss! And let me warn you ladies hoping to move out to Alaska to meet all the available men. They aren't found in villages. Sorry. Stick to the more urban areas. And yes, bush pilots are cool but you have to be near a bush plane to meet them....which I haven't been.

And that's it for me....for now....enjoy the heat California....It's 50 degrees colder here.

Happy, Grumpy, & Dopey

For the first time the other night, I saw the moon! I was so excited, I grabbed my camera and ran out to take a picture. I hadn't seen the moon since California. It felt like I was seeing an old friend again. I was happy.

Until yesterday. Have you ever had just one of those crappy, ugly days? Well yesterday was one of mine. Everything that could go wrong seemed to go wrong. I was grumpy, my kids were grumpy, I had to redo my progress reports....it was just yuck, yuck, yuck....

I was worried that my grumpyness would carry over into today. But I had the best walk this morning. It was 30 degrees this morning and no humidity. I bundled up really well & left the house. I tried to see my breath, but it was too dry for that. The sun was just rising so it looked like twilight. The moon was high in the sky, full and bright. The wind came right up from the north pole. I was warm & cozy and it was freezing outside.

My outfit was something special. My wool socks & hiking boots kept my feet warm. I had forgotten to tuck my pants into my socks, so my legs had a bit of a breeze. I was wearing a tee shirt, a sweat shirt & my jacket. I had a hat, gloves, & a scarf. I was wearing a hood over my hat. It was great!! The only thing I don't like is the wind blows the dirt and it hits you right in the face. I was walking in the wind this morning, but this afternoon I kept getting a mouth full of sand. Not so fun.

My winter coat & boots came in, but they were too small. I thought I sized them out right, but nope. The nice thing is that they got here in 4 days, so I should have a replacement coat pretty soon.

I'll share a funny moment from my day: We came into the gym for an assembly. There was a podium & a mike set up with no one standing there. We were sitting there and suddenly the mic started giving that awful feedback wailing. Everyone covered their ears. But nobody got up to do anything about it. So I jumped up thinking I could just turn off the mic. I was the only one who made a move to do something. I moved the mic & the sound stopped. I got some cheers but then the sound came back. I fixed it the second time. I just think that was funny. I'm used to other people fixing that kind of stuff. I guess so was everyone else....

Since moving here, my social life has really picked up. I have plans every weekend, which is funny. When I lived in the SF Bay Area, I would stay home all the time. Get me into a village and all of a sudden I'm Miss Social....go figure!!!

Weekly Reflections - Week 6

The thing is, what I've been reflecting on lately isn't a topic I really wanted to bring up on my blog. But whatever.....I can't pretend everything is rainbows & lollipops all the time.

The real focus on my reflections has to do with negativity. I have found that negativity doesn't bring anything other than more negativity. It truly contaminates everything around you, it's like a virus, killing all that is beautiful and pure.

I saw it first hand this past week. I had a bad day. My students are amazing students, but Mondays seem to be off days. And instead of doing something constructive with my time & energy, I allowed myself to feel other people's bad vibes. And it brought me down.....brought me to tears actually. Okay, maybe hormones had more to do with the tears, but I just felt all the ugliness with humanity. And in a 2 square mile town, everything is magnified....everybody knows every body's business, and not all of it is pretty. Well, no one's life is pretty....we can just hide it better in a bigger place...or ignore certain parts of town that we don't associate with.

And everything added together can make for a pretty big downer.

So I cried & whined about it. I called a friend and listed all the bad things that were happening here. I unloaded all my issues and wallowed in my pain. I spoke about my frustrations, my fears, and my hopelessness. It was a dark moment for me....

Thank goodness I vented to a guy with the sensitivity of a box of rocks because his brilliant advice was: "Then quit."

*blink* *blink* "What? What are you crazy? I love it here!"

I gotta say, men will never get it. That so wasn't even the point! BUT hearing that was exactly what I needed to pick myself up and realize what I was doing. If you focus on the negative, you will only see the negative. So I decided to throw the Emperor down the airshaft (star wars reference!!) and turn away from the darkside. (on a side note: what is the other side called? light side of the force? no clue.....) And it worked....yes, there are things here that I do consider ugly...and those same things happen in Benicia & all over the world...but I can't focus on that...I need to be Yoda to these kids....with a better sense of grammar and fashion sense....but I'll represent the good and try to steer them away from the bad.....

I'm telling you, Star Wars is so much more than a movie....and I'm gonna make some geek so happy one day.....sigh.

Early September

Here's a slide show (with music...pretty fancy!!!) that I made of pictures of the path I take to work, Captain (my 1st rescue puppy), the river, and my house. I included a before and after shot of my room.

I will be taking more pictures this weekend. The leaves are already yellow & falling off the trees!

Enjoy!

Weekly Reflections - Week 5

So the post I did late last night wasn't a reflections post. I just wanted to give everyone an update.

So far, things are going well. It's weird that there's no familiar part of my life. That's been hard. I mean, my school's new, my house is new, my friends are new, and my village is new....at least new to me. There's not really one familiar thing to me.

At least Lola my cat is the same as ever. She's still full of energy and keeps to the same routines. After I shower, I lay down & she lays on me & cuddles. Daisy has found a new leash on life. Not only is she more playful and friendly to strangers (gasp!!), but she's more affectionate with me. Maybe she needs more reassurance, but I think she's thriving up here. They are both doing very well. I'm so grateful I brought them up with me. I would be miserable here without them. It helps me not feel homesick. Sure, I miss the people, but home is where my kitties are. When I used to go away, I'd miss my kitties. Sigh, at least being up here will help dispel the "crazy cat lady" myth....now you all know I'm a "crazy animal lady" with all the puppies & kitties around me.

Speaking of animals.....I still have yet to see any wild ones!! The crows I found out are actually ravens. Which makes me think of my brother Ethan...not only is that his favorite football team but edgar allen poe and all that (he's a big reader). So here's my list of wild animals I have seen here in Alaska:

*ravens
*ducks
*seagulls
*bugs

Yep, that's it. Gee, animals are so dangerous here in the bush....if you ever come across them!!! Where are the eagles??? The moose??? The bears??? The foxes???

One thing I have really loved about Alaska (besides the breathtaking natural beauty) is the people I've met. I have met some of the funniest people ever. There's one guy who gets my award for the funniest man I have ever met. He's in a different village but he makes me laugh so hard I cry....mostly during the inservices. I never know what he's going to say next. There's a lot of funny people around me here in Akiak, so I'm never far from a good laugh. Laughter makes life so much easier.

I guess I'm not too reflective today. My only real thoughts are that life is getting easier up here all the time. I have to buy my winter gear soon. I'll be walking to school in -30 degrees, so I have to get some good stuff! Here's my list so far:

*snow boots
*snow pants
*a winter parka
*a flash light that attaches to my head since it will be pitch black
*cleats (no, not for sports) since the road will be a sheet of ice
*goggles

I have hat's & two pairs of really good gloves. I also have something to put over your face to keep it warm under your parka. I really need to get started on getting this stuff together. Cold weather will be starting at the end of October. I see some shopping in my future!!

Dogs, Puppies, & Bush Planes.....

Well, moose season has officially started here in the bush. Which really doesn't mean much to a non-hunter like myself, except that school is closed for the week and I had a week of inservices (training). I didn't update much because not much was happening. If I did, it would look like this:

I sat all day listening to lectures.
I sat all day listening to lectures.
I sat all day listening to lectures.

Granted, it was very good information and I had a delightful presentation, but not much to write home about.

Until now.......

**************

I have been really trying to walk more. Not having a car/vechicle has really helped me achieve this goal. So I was offered a ride home and I politely passed. Until I heard those magic words: "We have the four-wheeler."

Sweet! I'm in!!!

And I loved it! It was fun bouncing around over the puddles. At one point, we passed a bunch of kids, one of them being my student, who were out playing with their dogs. One of the dogs started running alongside the 4 wheeler. My student shouts out, "He'll bite your foot!!" I think "yeah, whatever" when this wolf hound lunges and snaps at my foot!!!

I hold up my finger and say with conviction: "NO!"

The dog pauses for a moment & gives me a perplexed look. The driver gives this dog a hand motion that sends him running back to his kids. Sure wish I saw what that was, because it was very effective.

Then it hits me....I may have to kick a dog here in Alaska.

It was only later, when I got home that I remembered the man who drove me home is legally blind. Whoops.

*************

So one of my inservices was to take place at a different school in my district. Not uncommon in any district. What made this special is that we had to take bush planes to get to the other school.

Now, just because it says we're leaving at 8:30 does not mean we are actually leaving at 8:30. This is life in the bush. Nothing really goes according to plan.

So I arrive at the school around 8:00. I had checked the weather (looked out the window) & the sky was clear. Of course, when we walked out a half hour later we were covered in a blanket of fog. It dropped on us like a water balloon. And bush planes won't fly in the fog. It's too dangerous.

So we just work in our classrooms, chit chat....pretty much keep ourselves busy. The hours pass & I'm wondering when will they give up & call it a day.

At 11:00 we were told to gather our things. We went down to the airstrip....and waited some more.....and waited some more after that. Our plane arrives & we take a FIVE MINUTE FLIGHT to get to Akiachak at lunchtime.

It ended up being a lovely day. Akiachak is much larger & more spread out. We were standing on the deck at the school and you could see out for miles. There's not as many trees so the land & the sky seemed to go on and on. I bet you would have loved to see it....too bad I forgot my camera.

After our condensed version of the inservice, they had to hustle us out to the airstrip to make our 4:30 flights. Now, our district is made up of 3 villages (Akiachak, Akiak, & Tuluksak) so there were people from two villages flying out. We were piled into 2 pickup trucks & convoyed out.

We had a ginormous bush plane waiting for us. It fit 9 people and 2 pilots. (I love that the plane seemed huge to me.) And FIVE MINUTES later, we were home.

It seemed so surreal to me to be taking a plane to go to the next village for a meeting. My life now has these moments that are just so completely different from anything I've ever known that it blows my mind.

***************

I was exercising (don't be too impressed, it was the 2nd time since I moved here) and I finally get to the cool down part. I look outside my window to see a puppy come out into the road & howl. It looked just like Captain, the puppy I rescued a few weeks ago. I run outside & call, "Captain!! Captain!!" The puppy had started down the road but he turns and starts running to me. The massive lake in front of the house slowed him down, but he got to me, whining & carrying on with his ordeal.

I pick him up & was asking him how he got all the way over here. One of my neighbors comes out & asks me, "Did you find another one?" I said, "Didn't I already rescue this one?" and laugh. I look down at the puppy....hmmmm....didn't Captain have a bigger white spot on his chest?....nawwww....

I call Captain's owner. "Are you missing a puppy?" I laugh at him.

"Nope, Captain's right here."

Oooooohhhh nooooooo......this is a different puppy. This is a different puppy! I found another puppy. But Captain's Owner (protecting the innocent) tells me what house he thinks had puppies that looks like Captain.
So I venture off to return the puppy. Still in my exercise gear & dripping of sweat. Fantastic.

No one was home at the first house, but I decide to bring the puppy to a local kid hang out right by my house. Thinking maybe a kid brought him over to play & the puppy walked off. There are no kids there. Great.

But there is another teacher whose dog just had puppies. She's not sure if she's missing a puppy (she's building a dog sled team) so she does a count. Yeah, she's missing one....a black one. Just like the one I found. So she's pretty sure it's her puppy.

Good enough for me!! Puppy is now safe & sound.

Seriously though, am I a magnet for saving puppies? That puppy was running in the wrong direction. I totally saved it! Or am I just a dork who runs out of her house in her workout gear to go chasing down a puppy? I'm thinking maybe the latter....

Weekly Reflections - Month 1

I would have updated sooner, had it not been for unreliable internet service. One day the cell phones were down too. And then the power went out. You would think I'd be upset. I had no power & no way to communicate with the outside world. I wasn't upset as much as annoyed & bored. I've been more annoyed at the lack of internet. Man, remember when I would complain that the Internet was slow??? Those were the days!

Moose season has officially opened here in Alaska. And thanks to some generous villagers, I have moose meat in the fridge, waiting to be cooked up. It still has some hair on it. But I will try it. I've heard moose meat is very yummy. We'll see.

I went outside to take a picture of a fireweed. It was so green last month, but now it's a deep redish orange....basically the color of fire. Where I betcha that's where it gets it's name. A man came up to me & told me he's picking up my house & my neighbor's. I'm thinking, like on a route??

Oh no. He's lifting my house 3 feet. Out of the flood path. And here comes the kicker, "So you'll be out of water & sewer for a while. But I'm sure you can shower at the school."

I start laughing. HARD. I can't stop. All I can say is, "Of course."

Then he looks at our house & says, "Wait! There's your water line. Oh! I can do this without affecting your water & sewer at all! But don't tell your neighbors..."

Trust me, I won't.

And now for the reflections part:

My bush order finally came in. Okay, I'm still missing a box but the food came in. So life is a bit different having a pantry full of food. I now have a variety of food choices....and for that I'm happy.

Something has been bugging me that I didn't really prepare myself for. Now, I should have because this is not a "bush thing". This could happen anywhere.

When you start over somewhere new, nobody knows you. Which I knew, but I wasn't prepared for me having to prove myself as a teacher. California calls things different from Alaska. A SST is a TAT here. State Standards are called GLEs....so when people start talking, I have to clarify what they mean. Which makes me feel stupid. And i'm not used explaining myself in my classroom. I started something new and a "bigwig" came in when I was doing a "test run", seeing what works and seeing what I will have to do in the future. I was asked questions about it, and I didn't feel very good about myself.

I don't go to the principal for problems that I have. My style has been to work it out myself. And if I can't, then I go and say "I've done A, B, & C and it hasn't worked. I need help." Well, pat myself on the back because so far everything I can manage, but now I'm getting worried that I'm not out there making a name for myself.

But that's not why I'm here. I'm here for the kids. Already, the kids are showing progress. They can already do things (or at least the first step) academically that they couldn't do two weeks ago. But nobody comes in to see that. So I'm worried that I'm not coming off well at all or worse that I'm not effective. I think time will tell. I plan to just do my best and enjoy teaching my kids. I don't expect a red carpet welcoming or a parade, I just don't like feeling like people doubt my abilities. I was missing a curriculum binder that was supposed to be in my classroom (not the first thing NOT in my classroom) and was asked if maybe I threw it out. It was a big binder labeled CURRICULUM on it. Yeah, that's something I would do. I'm pretty sure I shot a dirty look when I answered that question.

Thank god my students love me. I can tell, they are what's going to make Akiak totally worth it in the end. And I am enjoying getting to know my co-workers. Sigh, leaving home and Farmar is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.

Weekly Reflections - Week 3

This week was a harder week for me. I've gotten used to not having my bush order (thank you Swanson's from Bethel) but I was starting to feel lonely. Don't get me wrong, the people here are great, but I only have a couple of people who I would consider my friend. But that takes time. It was hard going from one place where I had many friends (how many "send-off" did I have? i seriously love you all!) to a place where nobody really knows me. My only "safety net" was my cats. I think I miss being around people who know me. I miss my family & friends, sure, but I had a little pity party for myself.

Thankfully, my friends are a phone call or message away. I was told to get over myself by a good friend. That wasn't really what I was expecting to hear, but good advice nonetheless. Actually, I was told to remove something from somewhere else, but you get the idea...

And magically, things got better. I went to a cake & ice cream party (oh so good!!!) and had a fun time. I was told I would love this one movie and invited to a movie night (with popcorn too!!). My roommate had invited a co-worker over to dinner, so my social life is actually more eventful in the Alaskan Bush than in urban California. My doing nothing has gone from a day spent to only an hour or two.

I wanted to take this time in Alaska to figure out my issues with food. So I brought this book about emotional eating and started going through it. Now here's the funny thing: my issues with food are so different here. It's limited in both options and amounts. Because I don't have a whole lot of food, I no longer eat a whole lot of food. Everything's different here. I don't eat junk food. Cake & ice cream? Popcorn? Holy cow!! That's a party!!! That's a big freakin' deal around these parts!

So after 3 week, my pants are looser and I can fit a ring that wouldn't fit before I left. I wasn't sure how I was going to live with no fast food or pizza, but I am finding that one can live without it. It sounds crazy, I know. And the other thing I've found? When you don't have sweets, cake and ice cream taste like heaven here on Earth!! Let me tell you, food up here tastes so much better!!

Careful Where You Jump.....

So I was walking to the school one night when I came across two of my students playing nearby. We were excited to say hello and they asked me where I was going & if they could "follow" me. I said sure and they went trailing me down this path.

This path is actually pretty cool. It's very woody & bushy. Along the path grow high bush cranberries and even raspberries. It's very dense and lush....overall a great walk to work.

So my students are following me when I hear one of my students say, "This is where I saw the guns."

ALL STOP.....HEART IN THROAT....


I turn around, "What did you see?"

Student, "Nothing."

So I keep walking, and listening.

Up the path, the student says, "I saw them right here."

I turn again, "You saw guns here?" I'm panicked because I'm not quite sure who I tell about this....there's no 911. I'm going through my list of who to contact, but my first concern is to keep those kids from touching those guns....

Student 2 says, "They're not real Miss Ruark. They're blue and yellow."

Yeah, sure. I'll just hang around just to see.

Student 1 says, "They're right here." And he disappears into this massive bush.

MOMENT OF TRUTH

Where he holds up a 3 foot long bright blue Nerf gun. It was half his size. And he pulls out a second smaller Nerf gun.

Student 2 says, "Hey! That's my brothers!"

Student 1 says, "That's okay, we're just borrowing them."

They proceed to play. I tell them I'll see them later.

"No Miss Ruark, we're following you!"

Oh yeah, that's right.

:)

NOTE TO SELF: stop jumping to conclusions

And Speaking of Dogs.....

So last night I was getting ready for bed when I heard this howling. It was faint at first but grew louder and louder. I went to the window to see if there was an injured dog on the road....nothing. But I couldn't really tell where the sound was coming from. Every window I went to, the dog seemed to be right there. I couldn't see anything.

Then it occurred to me: The dog is under the house and it's following my footsteps. The dog is screaming at this point and I just think: What do I do? I say a quick prayer to help the dog find it's way but then I wonder, what if the dog's stuck and can't get out?

So then I decided to go out (it was midnight and dark) and try to help it get out. I grab my maglight, put on my boots and venture outside the house.

I can hear the dog yelping as I came out. I shined my light under the stairs..it was a pup.

I called it and out it came....a black puppy no bigger than my foot. it must have been four weeks old.

What do I do now?????

I picked it up to stop it's yelping and to try to process this situation....dogs were shot earlier today, did momma get it? Who do I contact? What do I do????

While I was pondering all this, the puppy had cuddled up to my chest and promptly fell asleep. He (a baby boy) would whine if I sat him down. So as not to wake my roommate (okay, I tried but she wouldn't wake up) I cuddled with him all night long. He woke up at one point and tried to suckle the fatty tissue around my thumb. I fed him some high quality cat food and some water & he cuddled up and fell right back asleep.

I found out later that some people dump puppies by the teacher housing in order for them to be rescued.

I loved that puppy, but I ended up not keeping the puppy. 1) There was a family with two stay at home women who would mother that puppy far better than I would and 2) my roommate doesn't want me to have a dog.

But I am not ready to have a dog yet anyways. I think I was the instrument of the dog's placement into it's forever home. I found out later that some people had heard it's yelping but didn't think to do anything.

Yeah, leave it to me to be the one who goes out in the middle of the night in the Alaskan Bush armed with a maglight to rescue a screaming animal.......

Sometimes I'm so brilliant I could scream......

His new family named him Captain......and I heard he's been cuddling with them all day. :)